WHILE YOUR WIFE (OR OTHER) IS
TAKING HER SWEET TIME
SHOPPING!
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them
in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off
at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the
rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an
official tone,"Code 3" in houseware," and see
what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and
tell other shoppers you'll invite them in
only if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin
to cry and ask, Why can't you people just leave me
alone?"
9. While handling guns in the hunting department
ask the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the theme from
"Mission Impossible"
11. In the auto department, practice your
Madonna look using different size funnels.
12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people
browse through say, PICK ME! PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud
speaker,assume the fetal position an scream,
"NO! NO! It's those voices again."
And last but not least....
14. Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, "Hey!
We're out of toilet paper in here."
