I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while
I'm fishing.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of
your life. ---Confucius

Note how good you feel after you have encouraged someone else.
No other argument is necessary to suggest that never miss the
opportunity to give encouragement. - George Adams

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck�if you survive
you start looking very carefully to the right and left.

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth."
--Adolf Hitler

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty
crowded.

Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some
joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning.-Charlotte
Perkins Gilman

There are two rules for ultimate success in life:
1. Never tell everything you know.

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I
been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
finding me."

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

There are people who laugh to show their fine teeth; and there
are those who cry to show their good hearts.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool.

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

Wisdom comes alone through suffering. - Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
--Ancient Greek soldier, playwright

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?

Law and love are the same - romantic in concept but the actual
practice can give you a yeast infection.

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has
wasted 30 years of his life. - Muhammed Ali (Cassius Clay)
--American boxer

Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into
morons.

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able
to laugh at yourself is maturity.

We have too many high-sounding words, and too few actions that
correspond with them. - Abigail Adams (1744-1818) --American
first lady, author

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest. - Mark Twain

Millions yearn for immortality who don't know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz

"Exceptions always outnumber rules."

Cat bathing is a martial art. 

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that,
you're in."
- Courtney Cox

Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves.

How do you remove a club soda stain?

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.- Dr.
Robert Anthony

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your
body starts falling apart.
- Caryn Leschen

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I
been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
finding me."

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends
you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight
home in Australia. - Dame Edna Everage

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like
stripping your gears.

At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned
out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to
admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a
month and repeated it each time. (from Side Effects) -- Woody
Allen (1935-____) --American humorist, director, actor, author

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip!

Sign at the Kennedy estate: Visitors will be
violated.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the
difference.

My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How
was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it was, you're
lucky to get out alive!

Nothing is as embarrasing as watching someone do something that
you said couldn't be done.

A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth. -
Aesop (620-560 BC) --Greek storyteller

I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a
rock?"

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David
Bissonette

Do not disturb. Already disturbed!

Snowflakes are one of nature�s most fragile things, but just
look what they can do when they stick together.

Fishing gives you a sense of where you fit in the scheme of
things - Your place in the universe...I, mean, here I am, one
small guy with a fishing pole on this vast beach and out there
in the blue expanse of ocean are these hundreds of millions of
fish...laughing at me.

The beloved of the Almighty are the rich who have the humility
of the poor, and the poor who have the magnanimity of the rich.

Fools take to themselves the respect that is given to their
office. - Aesop (620-560 BC) --Greek storyteller