A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the
subject.

"World Athiest Day" - April 1st!

Learning is ever in the freshness of its youth, even for the
old. - Aeschylus (525-456 BC) --Ancient Greek soldier,
playwright

"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call
whatever you hit the target."

I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean!

This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it
doesn't.

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under
a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book
and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers
digest and writers cramp.

Be Naughty! Save Santa the trip.

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.-W. Somerset Maugham

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of
a tree would kill you? A pool table.

The future you shall know when it has come; before then, forget
it. - Aeschylus (525-456 BC) --Ancient Greek soldier,
playwright

Death is like God's way of saying, your table is ready.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop
at the end.

Consider pleasures as they depart, not as they come. - Aristotle
(384-322 BC) --Greek philosopher

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like
stripping your gears.

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one
who does.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed, ...For those
who don't, none will do. - Jerry Lewis

A monarch's neck should always have a noose around it - it keeps
him upright.
-Heinlein

To reach the port of Heaven we must sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it. But we must sail, and not drift or lie
at anchor.

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by
worrying over the future.

Given the capacity to be stupid, people will be.

Please all, and you will please none. - Aesop (620-560 BC)
--Greek storyteller

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that
sometimes he has to eat them.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

It's ok to kiss a fool.
It's ok to let a fool kiss you.
But don't let a kiss fool you.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with
subatomic particles

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are
that good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

Whiskey was invented so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.

Definition of gun control: use both hands.

Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System
Hangs.

If everything is going right, quickly hang a left. - Tom
Boski

Bronze is the mirror of the form; wine, of the heart. -
Aeschylus (525-456 BC) --Ancient Greek soldier, playwright

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before!

Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root
that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without
potatoes. - Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888) --American author

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and
confidence. - Mark Twain

"Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to
dread each day as it comes."
--Donald Kaul

Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you
have it made.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a
little longer. 
-Henry Kissinger

Snobs talk as if they had begotten their ancestors. - Herbert
Agar

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Is it time for your medication or mine?

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary
forms.