Voters don’t decide issues, they decide who will decide
issues.

Men...remember this: Having sex on your anniversary doesn't
count as a gift.

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. -Lady
Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His
reply

Your village called. They want their idiot back.

Once during prohibition, I was forced to live on nothing but
food and water. - W.C. Fields

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the
better lawyer. - Robert Frost

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in
having lots to do and not doing it.

CATS: The other white meat

She has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.

 What's the best way to have your husband remember your
anniversary? Get married on his birthday.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress
up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite.
This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who
can never remember where they have left things. - Woody Allen
(1935-____) --American humorist, director, actor, author

Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

Princess Leia: @(-_-)@

Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye.
You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive
Oyl.

The really efficient laborer will be found not to crowd his day
with work, but will saunter to his task surrounded by a wide
halo of ease and leisure. - Henry David Thoreau

The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched.They must be
felt with the heart.-Helen Keller

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

"Life is tough, it's tougher when you're stupid." - John
Wayne

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
don't like and just give her a house.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average. -
M.H. Alderson

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop
at the end.

Men...remember this: Having sex on your anniversary doesn't
count as a gift.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those
who don't.

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a
little longer. 
-Henry Kissinger

The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?" 

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many
objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without
skill gives us modern art. -Tom Stoppard 

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former. ---Albert Einstein

"Passion wagon - do not laugh, your daughter may be inside!"

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.— Oscar Wilde

Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.— Ninon de Lenclos

A mother takes 20 years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in 20 minutes. — Robert Frost

Never judge someone by who he’s in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. — Cynthia Heimel

The adoration of his heart had been to her only as the perfume of a wild flower, which she had carelessly crushed with her foot in passing — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.— H. L. Mencken

You ask whether I have ever been in love: fool as I am, I am not such a fool as that. But if one is only to talk from first-hand experience, conversation would be a very poor business. But though I have no personal experience of the things they call love, I have what is better— the experience of Sappho, of Euripides, of Catallus, of Shakespeare, of Spenser, of Austen, of Bronte, of anyone else I have read. — C.S. Lewis

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. — T.S. Eliot

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. — Anonymous

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. — George Bernard Shaw 

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? 
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. 

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey 

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.