Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. -
Aesop (620-560 BC) --Greek storyteller

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Nothing is as embarrasing as watching someone do something that
you said couldn't be done.

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286
words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence,
but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911
words.

Minds, like parachutes, function best when open.

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the
cleverness of the few.

God didn't create the world in seven days; he fiddled around for
six days and pulled an all-nighter.

Penalty for bigamy: Two mothers-in-law. OUCH!

From the anti-war protesters:
Join the Army, Go to distant lands, meet interesting people,
kill them!

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Try the long pedal on the right!

The difference between a hypocrite and a wise man is that one
states his beliefs while the other lives them.

Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak
ones. - Charles Caleb Colton

Jesus loves you, but Satan gives you all the good stuff.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.

The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women,
their rights and nothing less. - Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906)
--American suffragist

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the
cleverness of the few.

Welcome to California. Now go home!

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what
feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever
I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -
Rebecca West, 1913

Triumph is 'oomph' added to try.

A friend is someone who doesn't like the same people you do. -
Proverb 

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at
home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that
growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a
cat that comes home late every night.
* Marie Corelli

There are people who laugh to show their fine teeth; and there
are those who cry to show their good hearts.

There are three rings of marriage: The engagement ring, the
wedding ring, and the suffering.

I really do think that love is the best thing in the world,
except for cough drops. But I also have to say, for the
umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than
death, that's all. - William Goldman, The Princess Bride

I'm like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what I should
do, but I don�t know where to start!

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been
hurt. Dance like nobody's looking.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a
thought without accepting it.

My karma ran over your dogma.

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. -
Maya Angelou --Poet and author

The diversity in the human family should be the cause of love
and harmony, as it is in music where many different notes blend
together in the making of a perfect chord.

Before you open your mouth to speak, please make sure it's an
improvement upon the silence.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with
the victims that he intends to eat until he eats them.

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth."
--Adolf Hitler

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm me. - Ashleigh Brilliant

I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
- H. L. Mencken

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is
the only thing you care to exercise.

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored,
because you have all kinds of things that you should be
doing.

When we know to read our own hearts, we acquire wisdom of the
hearts of others.

'SEX' (What I wrote on the blackboard in my high school calculus
class, when I meant to write 'SEC X')

Politics consists in the art of taking votes from the poor and
money from the rich under the pretext of protecting each from
the other. 

Your talent is God's gift to you. How you use it is your gift to
God.

Pre-menstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave
the way men do all the time.
-Heinlein

A gifted teacher is as rare as a gifted doctor, and makes far
less money.

Engineer: A person who knows a great deal about very little and
who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until
finally he knows practically everything about nothing.

Words are powerful things. They can make someone feel ten feet
tall, or two inches small. Choose your words wisely and well.

Why should anyone suffer in silence, when you can moan, whimper,
cry and complain!

Tracers work both ways.