Quotes : Page 3
It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference.
When all else fails, lower your standards.
In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen.
Nobody believes the official spokesman . . . but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.
Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean!
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead. Do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead.- Anna Cummins
They wouldn't call it a crush if it didn't hurt.
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
I lost my virginity, can I have yours?
The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
Don't laugh...it could be YOUR girlfriend that's making this car shake!
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" - George Burns
"I was married by a judge...I should have asked for a jury." -George Burns
"Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand." --Confucius
You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
Grow dope...Plant a man...
Math and alcohol do not mix, so don't drink and derive!
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow
What pity is it that we can die but once to serve our country! -Joseph Addison (1672-1719) --English essayist and poet
"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. - Erma Bombeck
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Ginsu Knives...why do you need a knife that can cut through a boot and a can?
"He who doesn't risk never gets to drink champagne." --Russian Proverb
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. -Aristotle
Mushrooms look like little umbrellas because they always grow in damp places.
It's amazing what a man can accomplish when he's not worried about who will get the credit.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen (1935-____) --American humorist, director, actor, author
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.
THE BILL OF RIGHTS (Void where prohibited by law)
Incoming fire has the right of way.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. - George Bernard Shaw
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Women's breasts are like Toys: They're meant for kids, but usually it's the fathers who wind up playin' with them.
It occurs to me: The prefixes "pro" and "con" are opposites. Consider, for example, the word "progress."
Married men should forget their mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.
Take the road not taken - the leaves crunch that much louder!