A Wild Bantha Chase When they arrived at the Republic camp (they had turned off the stereo) it was teeming with white troopers and machinery. The squad and Shaak left their speeder bikes near their Destroyer and were now wandering aimlessly through the hustle and bustle of the morning preparations. Rio yawned. �Whoa�I forgot I was that tired. What time were we up at again, Cor?� �Ehhh�4:30.� Rio groaned. Finn patted him on the back. �I know how you feel. I woke up at 5.� Reggie joined in. �Yeah, and you woke me up a few seconds later.� Fletcher was talking animatedly with Shaak. �Ansion? I�ve never been there.� �I�ll always remember the battle. It was where I got Grievous� frequency.� �And then you started stalking him?� �Stalking is such a strong word. I merely like to keep in touch.� �So you think he likes you?� �I know he likes me.� �You�re so sure?� �He said so. Plus he had a chance to kill me and he didn�t.� �What did he say, exactly?� �Oh, I really shouldn�t be telling you these things.� �Suit yourself.� Cor nudged Finn and pointed at Fletcher and Shaak. Finn nodded and they both started sniggering. Reggie and Rio soon caught on, and then all four of them were at it, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Fletcher and Shaak were oblivious to all this. �Still, if he likes you then why does he run away all the time?� �He�s just a little shy.� �Right.� Shaak smiled at Fletcher, but then her expression changed as she looked over his shoulder. �It�s Agen! He coming! What do I say? He definitely must have noticed that I disappeared last night!� �We�ll handle this. Just play along.� Agen Kolar half walked half ran towards them, looking concerned. �Shaak! Thank the Force you�re all right! What happened?� Fletcher stepped in, thinking fast. �We rescued her from Grievous� bodyguards. Two of them penetrated the camp last night and she was trying to fend them off.� Agen looked at Shaak. �Is this true?� ��Oh, yes. Cor was the one who found me first. There was no harm done, the droids have been destroyed, and I am fine.� Agen still looked worried. �Well as long as you�re all right�thank you, Sergeant. Shaak, we must report to the Council immediately. This attack is very serious.� He led Shaak back into the Destroyer. She glanced back at Fletcher, with �Now what? Written on her face. Fletcher shrugged. He turned back to the other four troopers. They all had heir helmets off so he could see their smug faces. �What?� Rio answered. �She�s not really your type, you know.� Finn disagreed. �Hey, she�s a humanoid, that�s close enough.� �What are you talking about?� �Don�t act stupid. You know exactly what we mean.� Cor started chanting. �Fletcher and Shaak Ti up a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.� �First comes love-� �Second comes marriage-� �Third comes the baby in the golden carriage!� Fletcher burst into (not very convincing) laughter. �What? How did you get an idea like that stuck in your heads? That�s crazy. I don�t fancy Shaak Ti!� �So you�re already on first name basis.� �We�ve always been on first names!� �How long has this been going on? Is she two-timing Geegee?� �You�re all nuts. I don�t even like her.� �Are you gay?� �Of course I�m not gay!� �Then what are you?� �I DON�T FANCY SHAAK TI!� Fletcher yelled in frustration. The whole camp suddenly went very, very quiet. All the troopers were staring at Fletcher. He gritted his teeth. �Fuck�s sake.� The door of the Arse Squad room burst open and Fletcher stormed in, the others following, trying hard to keep straight faces. Once they were all in, however, they burst out laughing at Fletcher�s �publicity stunt� He had had enough. Pulling his Deece out, he fired a shot into the ceiling �ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!� They did. As soon as they stopped, they heard a yell from upstairs. �I think you shot someone, Sarg.� �No shit, Sherlock.� �It�s Reggie.� Fletcher ignored this. Cor came to Reggie�s rescue. �Hey, come on. We didn�t know you were going to yell it out, don�t take it out on us.� Fletcher remained silent. The others started backing out the door. They could see he was severely pissed off. Cor hung back and signalled for Finn to go on. Fletcher hadn�t moved. �Get lost, Cor.� �Nope. Fletcher cheering up time.� �Cor-� �Wait, wait. Time for Fletcher mood music.� �What? Which is?� Interested, Fletcher turned. Realising what he had just done, he cursed silently. Cor had his usual grin on as he edged towards the hi-fi. �It�s a secret.� It was R.E.M. Everybody hurts. Cor was swaying. Fletcher held still, but he couldn�t resist cracking a smile under his helmet. �When your day is long And the night The night is yours alone When you�re sure you�ve had enough Of this life, well hold on. Don�t let yourself go Cause everybody cries And everybody hurts Sometimes.� �Come on Sarg! Let it all out! I CAN SEE YOU SMILING!� With that, he jumped at Fletcher and pulled his helmet off. Fletcher stopped smiling just a split second too late. �I SAW THAT!� �Ok, ok! I smiled. Happy?� Cor wasn�t paying any attention. He was running around the room. �TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN!� �It is, Cor.� �AND KEEP IT THERE!� An angry yell came from above, through the hole in the ceiling. �WILL YOU TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME DOWN? IT�S BAD ENOUGH NEARLY GETTING SHOT IN THE ASS!� �SCREW YOU!� A six-fingered fist punched an even larger hole in the ceiling. Cor stopped shouting, curious. �Geegee?� General Grievous� had appeared above them. �Oh, it�s you.� Fletcher stared at Grievous, puzzled. Cor mirrored his expression. Grievous shuddered. � Don�t do that whole identical thing. It�s creepy.� Cor recovered from shock first. �What�s up?� Grievous looked up and down. �I am.� �No, no, I mean, what happened? When did you get here?� �This morning.� But why are you here?� �Hiding.� �From?� �Guess.� Realisation dawned on Cor. �Ah. Shaak still giving you hell?� �Not as much.� Fletcher interrupted. �Sorry to intrude, your little reunion, but what the hell is going on?� He pointed to Grievous. �You should be with your army-� He turned to Cor. �-And you�re fraternising with the enemy. You can get in shit for that-No offence ment.� He added to Grievous. �None taken.� Cor wailed. �BUT HE�S MY FRIEND!� Both Grievous and Fletcher looked at him in disbelief. �Since when?� �I never said friend. Off duty associate. You haven�t got the friend rank yet.� Outside the other three were idly chatting about types of music when they noticed that the music had stopped. They turned to the door, confused. They walked casually in, then stopped in their tracks once they caught sight of Grievous. Fin waved. Reggie gaped. Rio frowned. �Hi.� ��� �Celestial shit, Cor! Where do he come from?� �Upstairs.� Thump, thump, thump. The sound was coming from Grievous� room. They were only soft thumps, light footsteps. But from the horror in Grievous� eyes, you would have thought it was an angry krayt dragon. He dived through the ceiling just as they heard the door opening. A familiar voice floated downstairs. �I know you�re here. I felt your presence. You came back to me.� The troopers and Grievous stared at each other with wide eyes. Finn, who was nearest, opened the door and signalled for the others to file out silently. Grievous went first, then Finn, Cor, Rio and Reggie. Fletcher was just about to slide the door shut, when he saw Shaak�s head peeping down from the ceiling. He hurriedly closed it, hoping that he hadn�t looked too guilty. Once they were outside, Grievous began looking frantically for an exit. �Shit! She�s coming! Damn Force powers! Help!� �Why were you hiding there?� �I thought she wouldn�t suspect it.� �Oo� kay, then, weird plan.� �Whatever! Just help!� Cor suddenly spun Grievous around. �SWIVEL CHAIRS!� �What?� �ESCAPE ON THE SWIVEL CHAIRS!� �How?� �LIKE THIS!� Cor took a running leap and landed a swivel chair, one of the many that were scattered around the corridor. He pushed off, speeding down the hall. �COME ON!� Surprisingly, Grievous followed suit. Not a moment too soon, Shaak was in the elevator that opened at the far side of the hall. The troopers mounted their own swivels and sped off after the other two, to warn them. Unfortunately, there was one chair left. Hoisting herself onto it, Shaak used the Force to accelerate and catch up. �GOGOGOGOGO!� �Wanna race?� �There�s no time!� �Pretty please?� �Why should I?� �Cause it�ll make you go faster.� Grievous thought for a moment. �Alright, fine. READYSETGO!� As you can imagine, he said this all very fast, and flew off. �NO FAIR!� Cor grabbed a random jetpack off the wall and attached it to his chair. He grinned goofily and fired it up. �WHEEEE!� Grievous turned, distracted by the sound of rockets. What he saw was Cor just about to collide with him. �AAAAAH!� The chairs tumbled, causing them to fall head over heels onto the floor. Luckily, Cor fell on top of Grievous, so they weren�t badly hurt. Not yet. Fletcher rounded the corner, saw them, tried to stop and failed. �OWWW� that hurt.� Cor groaned as Fletcher fell heavily onto him. �Shit! Get up! Quick!� �What?� �Too late!� Reggie, Rio and Finn crashed into the pile of chairs, troopers and cybernetics. The hubcaps of several chairs wheeled past as the tried extracted themselves from the pile. Fletcher looked around. �Shouldn�t Shaak be following us?� Finn hoisted himself up. �We�lost her�tripped her up�with hose�� �Hose?� �Hose.� �Hose.� Finn nodded. �Hose.� Cor sat bolt upright. �I�VE GOT IT!� Grievous� voice came from under him. �Well, if you�ve got it, get off me!� �Oooops, sorry.� �You will be.� ��As I was saying, I GOT IT!� �Got what?� �A PLAN! Give me your cape.� Grievous was instantly suspicious. �What are you going to do with it now?� �Wear it, of course. It�ll be a disguise. I�ll wear it, run away when Shaak comes, you hide and she�ll follow me.� �That�s stupid. I�m a foot taller than you.� �I�ll get stilts.� Fletcher patted Cor�s head. �I think I�d better do it, Cor.� �Fiiine.� Grievous looked at them all hesitantly and took off his cape. �GREEEVIE!� �Fuck! She�s coming! Hurry!� Grievous dived into an open room. Fletcher put on the cape. Cor looked him up and down. �Perfect. Now, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!� Fletcher ran. �We�ll meet up in the main hangar!� The troopers headed for the door Grievous had taken. Shaak appeared skidding to a halt, just in time to see Grievous� cape flick out of sight. Her eyes lit up and she pressed on eagerly. Grievous ran through the deserted room heading for the viewport. He was about to spring when Cor shouted. �NOOOO!� He dived and caught Grievous� foot, clinging on desperately. Grievous stopped and held his leg up, Cor dangling from it. �You can�t leave! You forgot your cape!� �Fuck my cape! I�ll get a new one! Let go!� He started shaking his foot vigorously. Finn looked out the viewport. �Wait! You can�t get out here! There are troopers all over the place! We�ll have to try somewhere else!� Cor let go, grabbed Grievous� wrist and tried to pull him across the room. Grievous yanked it away. �I can get out myself.� He stomped towards the door, and managed to trip over the only piece of furniture in the room. A small, round, pink cushion. The troopers sniggered, but as soon as Grievous looked behind, they stopped. Then they started staring at the small cushion. It had turned around, revealing two big black eyes, two red cheek patches, two big red feet and a small mouth that was turned down, frowning sadly. It raised a digitless paw and tapped Grievous� shin. He spun around, bewildered when he caught sight of it. Rio was the first to speak. �It�s Kirby.� The little puffball gazed up at him. �A Kirby.� Finn got down on his hunkers to face the Kirby. �There�s more than one?� �We populate Brentaal.� Finn and Rio looked at each other. Cor was moving towards it. Reggie held him back. �I don�t think he wants to be poked.� Grievous was getting impatient. He picked the Kirby up roughly. �Get lost, pink scum.� He moved to throw it over his shoulder. But the Kirby had other plans. Opening his little his little mouth until it was very large, he began to inhale. Grievous was sucked in to his mouth. Kirby swelled, then swallowed. Grievous reappeared out of nowhere, shaking his head violently. �Ugh, that was horrible. You little bas-� He noticed that the Kirby was different. He was wearing a mask, just like Grievous�. Finn laughed. �He copied your mask!� The Kirby whipped out a lightsaber, brandished it, and dashed out the door. �THAT WAS ONE OF MINE!� Grievous bounded forward, eyes blazing with rage. Finn whispered to Cor. �He definitely needs anger management.� Shaak was almost on Fletcher. He could see a dead end ahead. Bad news. �HI FLETCHER!� She recognised him! But why was she still chasing him? He stopped in his tracks and turned, tossing Grievous� cape aside. �Why are you still following me?� Without answering, she flew past him and took Grievous� cape. She skidded to a halt, then turned sharply. She tripped the shocked Fletcher up and he fell heavily on the floor. She grabbed his ankle and proceeded to drag him across the floor. �You will be a fitting sacrifice to the great General Grievous!� Sacrifice?! She�s the freakiest stalker Fletcher had ever heard of. He struggled, she held him still with the Force. Suddenly the general himself barged out of the door three doors away. He was holding something and clearly threatening it. He and the thing slowly turned and Shaak started smiling evilly. She dropped Fletcher�s foot and thundered down to Grievous. He glanced around at everything including the Grievous Kirby. He held it out to the advancing Jedi. Her eyes rested on it and she let out a squeal. �AWWW! It�s so CUTE!� She scooped it up into her arms and cuddled it. �I�ll take real good care of it! I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!� She whirled around and gave Grievous a kiss. He flinched and jumped backwards. �Aaaah! Love! Get it off!� Shaak continued staring at him with puppy eyes. �You�re so sweet! You remembered my birthday! YOU DO CARE!� ��Fuck�s sake.� And with that, he launched himself out the viewport. There were no troopers on this side, they had packed up, and the evening was coming. They all gathered beside the broken window, watching Grievous� silhouette fly across the outskirts of the city. Shaak looked down at the Grievous Kirby. �I wonder, can you channel voodoo?� Suddenly Shaak burst into song. �One way or another, I gonna find ya I�m gonna get ya get ya get ya get ya-� The Arse Squad slowly backed out of the room. Fletcher nodded to Cor. They shut the door and locked it, then walked casually away.
