Rock Around The Destroyer Five helmeted heads peeked around the corner at the bottom of a long corridor on the Star Destroyer. �It�s all clear. Come on. And if anyone asks, we were here all along.� Fletcher sneaked out into full view, followed by Finn, Rio, Cor and finally, Reggie. �Speaking of which, we better mess up our room and make it look like we were here.� They tiptoed through the cruiser, making sure not to be seen. Reaching their quarters without incident, now the only problem was finding the keys. Fletcher searched his pockets irritably and cursed. �Shit. Do any of you have them?� Finn, who was behind him, started digging through his pockets. �Eh�wait�no. Wait! Here�s my gum! I was looking for that everywhere�� �Never mind the gum, where are the KEYS?� He looked at Rio and Cor. They shook their heads; Cor did it rather more vigorously than necessary. Reggie raised his hand. �I think they�re in my shoe.� He took it off and searched. A few seconds later he produced a small bunch of keys and a keyring that said, �You toucha my keys, I slappa your arse.� He held them out to Fletcher. He looked at them apprehensively. ��On second thoughts, you open the door.� Reggie stepped forward and unlocked the door. They all barged in eagerly heading for theminibar. But someone was already there. They stopped in their tracks. �Hello, boys.� General Fisto had his webbed hands on his hips and wasn�t smiling for once. The squad gulped unanimously. Fletcher refrained from thinking, oh shit oh shit oh shit. �Good evening, General!� �Indeed. Did you enjoy your �day off�?� �It was far from a day off, Fishy. We were scouting.� Fletcher inconspicuously stood on Cor�s foot to stop him saying any thing. Rio did the same to Reggie. Finn hid his bodhran behind his back. �I want explanations, Sergeant, not excuses. Why didn�t you report your positions at nightfall? You had your commlinks.� �Well, we couldn�t exactly- oh shit would you look at the time! We have to� check out the latest news from the battlefield. DON�T WE?� The others nodded in agreement. �Yeah, you can�t skip a thing like that.� �Way too important.� �Unmissable.� �What Rio said.� Kit Fisto stood firm. �No ones leaving until I find out what happened today.� Finn was staring hard at Kit. None of them spoke. Suddenly, he threw his bodhran at him. Kit hadn�t sensed it and it hit him hard on the forehead. His big, black eyes glazed and he keeled over. Fletcher bent over him. �Out cold. Nice shot, Finn. Just what we needed.� They dragged Kit out the door and into a closet, locking it. Fletcher dusted his hands off as he came back in. They all took off their helmets. �That�s taken care of him, and now, I CALL BEST SHOWER!� Cor jumped in excitement. �I CALL CHOICE OF TUNES!� �NO!� The others frowned him into silence. He started at the floor, mumbling. �Not fair� I called it�� �Cor, you already listened to The Darkness today. We need a break.� Cor sulked. �Are you coming or what?� He shook his head stubbornly. �Fine. See you in a while.� They crowded into their huge ensuite. The other three were already undressed and in the showers. Fletcher walked over to the waterproof hi-fi and yelled at them. �WHAT SONG?� Finn�s voice rose over the other two. �THE OFFSPRING! PRETTY FLY FOR A WHITE GUY!� �Whatever.� He turned the volume and the whole room vibrated. �Give it to me baby! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Give it to me baby! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Give it to me baby! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And all the girlies say I�m pretty fly For a white guy! You know it�s kinda hard just to get along today Our subject isn�t cool, but he takes it anyway He may not have a clue and he may not have style But every thing he lacks well he MAKES UP IN DENIAL! Fletcher was in his shower by now and he belted out the chorus with the others. �So don�t debate a player straight You know he really doesn�t get it anyway Gonna play the field And keep it real For you no way For you no way So if you don�t take just over compensate At least you know you can always go on Ricky Lake! The world needs wannabes so hey hey DO THAT BRAND NEW THING!� Rio suddenly yelled out. �THAT GUY�S JUST LIKE REGGIE!� This was met with laughter from Fletcher and Finn and Rio got hit with one of Reggie�s rolled up socks. �I DON�T-AAAH!� They all started shouting in shock. The water had turned icy cold. Outside, Cor cackled. He had his hand around the tap/faucet in the kitchen sink. He listened with glee to the cries coming from the room. The four jumped straight out of the showers, grabbing towels. �COR! I�M GONNA KILL YOU! BUT FIRST I�LL MAKE YOU SUFFER HORRIBLY! There was a scuffling sound and the door burst open, revealing four livid troopers in white bathrobes. Cor bolted for the door. Fletcher and Finn took some fresh black under thingies before following Rio and Reggie out the door after Cor. Cor ran like the wind. He could hear the angry outbursts behind him. His payback was worth getting chased across the cruiser. He vaguely heard Fletcher and Finn further behind. He rounded a corner and slammed a random chair on the floor, hoping the others would trip. His wish came true as Rio bounded around the corner and tumbled over it. Reggie reacted in time to stop and stare at Rio. �You have hearts on your boxers?� Rio hastily covered his lower half with the bathrobe again. �You tell anyone, you die! So shut the fuck up!� He got up and continued running. Reggie shrugged and followed him. Finn and Fletcher had managed to pull on their clothes and had ditched their bathrobes. They were just in time to see Rio and Reggie disappear when a door flew off its hinges in front of them. Their Nautolan general had revived. He poked his head out and spotted them. They screeched to a halt and spun around at top speed. �COME BACK HERE IMMEDIATELY!� Fletcher and Finn glanced at each other. Fat chance. Now they could hear him thundering after them. They urged themselves on faster looking for an escape route. Finn spotted an elevator. �There!� They grabbed onto the keypads of the doors nearest to them to stop. Fletcher door opened and Cor ran out. He fell into Fletcher, who fell on Finn. General Fisto was right behind them. Cor was the first one up. He smacked the elevator pad with his palm. They piled in as soon as the door opened. They just had time to see Kit almost at the elevator and screaming. �THAT�S IT! YOU ARE ALL-� The elevator clanged shut. The three of them breathed a great sigh of relief. Fletcher and Finn looked at Cor and gave him the evil eye. �Now for your punishment.� Cor backed against the far wall of the elevator. �Hey, come on, it was only a joke! You don�t really want to-� �TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE!� �AAAAAHHHH! NOOOOO!� Reggie and Rio had lost Cor. But they had also lost their sense of direction. �Reggie�� �Yeah�� �I think we might be lost.� They were standing in a wide hangar full of starfighters. �This is the main hangar. We�re not lost.� �Reg, the main hangar is huge. We�re lost in it.� �Oh.� They heard marching. �Shit! The army! Quick, behind that fighter.� They ducked behind it, just in time to see the long lines of ordinary troopers file past. Reggie was slowly edging out to see them properly. Rio pulled him back. �Reg, think about it. Do you want them to see you in your bathrobe?� �Point taken.� When the marching finally died away, they crept over to the far wall. Opening the nearest door, they saw three elevators. �Which one?� �The two on the right. Split up.� They pressed the pads on either side of the elevators. Reggie�s opened first. He was about to step in when he saw its occupant. �G-General! How are you? Fine? That�s good!� He hastily pressed the �close door� button and ran to Rio. Rio�s door opened and Reggie shoved him in. �Reggie, what�s the problem?� �Kit Fishface was in the other one!� �Oh shit. We are in deep shit.� Reggie pressed his ear to the wall. �Do you hear something?� He could hear Cor yelling. �I think it�s Cor.� Now it was Rio�s turn to listen. Reggie was rooting in his bathrobe pockets. �I�ve got my commlink. I�m going to try and get through to the others. - Hello? Anybody there? Sarg! You remembered your comm too? Are you in an elevator�yeah, we heard�what? Oh right. -He says to get off at the next floor.� No sooner had he said it, the door opened. �Door opening.� �No kidding.� �Hey, bastard, I�m just doin� my job!� They started at the intercom in disbelief. Rio answered. �Don�t talk to me like that, I�ll kick you ass.� �I�d like to see you try, bitch.� �Bring it on. You sound like a little sissy to me.� He stepped out of the elevator. The door closed on his foot. �OW! THAT�S IT! YOU�RE GOING DOWN!� He grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at the intercom. It happened to be a hammer. The intercom exploded in a shower of sparks. �Not so great now, are you, bitch?� He walked out followed by Reggie. They looked around the room. It was dimly lit and sparsely furnished. There was a large round ottoman positioned in the centre of the room and a double bed in the corner. The elevator next to theirs opened and Fletcher and Finn walked in, followed by a red-faced Cor. Fletcher saw the other two first and nodded in greeting. �Fancy seeing you here.� He tossed them both an under thingy. �I thought you might need these.� Rio and Reggie went into the bathroom to change. The others were looking around the room at various objects. Cor found a book on The Jedi Code, entitled: Yoda�s Assertive Life by Eit Vesethenait. He took out his trusty marker and changed it to: Yoda�s Ass I Ve se en it. Fletcher was looking at some records, which included John Denver and Don Williams. Country music. Fletcher shuddered and put them back. Finn was approaching the bed. It was messy and there was a strange lump on one side. He poked it curiously. It moved. Someone started pushing the covers back. A blue/green Twi�lek emerged. It was Aayla Secura. With no clothes on. She saw Finn and screamed. �EEEEEK!� �AAAAAHH� Finn turned on his heel and ran, still yelling. The other turned and saw Aayla too. She had the bedclothes bunched around her now and was still screaming her head off. �KIIITT!� �RUUUN!� They dived for the elevator, but the other side of the elevator was open and they flew through it. They skidded across the freshly washed ground. Back in Kit�s room, Rio and Reggie had just come out of the bathroom. Aayla was still screaming. They dived for the door too, but not before Aayla threw a book at Rio�s head. The extra push sent them flying too, and they soon caught up with the others. In one large heap, they tumbled down the stairs. Fletcher was the first to remove himself from the pile and he started helping the others up. He looked back up the corridor. �At least now we have something to blackmail Fishy about. Come on let�s get back to the room.� He was about to walk down the corridor when Reggie stopped him. �Uh, Sarg, we�re already outside it.� They emerged a little while later in full body armour with helmets on. The first thing they noticed was all the clones on this level running in the same direction. The second thing was that many others Destroyers had joined their Star Destroyer. They looked out the nearest viewport and saw the massive droid army of the Separatists marching towards the Army of the Republic gathered outside. Finn saw a black and white figure in the front lines of the droid army, flanked by several grey ones. �I think Geegee found our messages.� �Well this is permanent marker so he�ll just have to DEAL WITH IT!� Rio agreed with Cor. �It was worth getting chased across the continent.� Fletcher smacked his helmeted forehead. �This is our fault! He must have tracked us.� �I don�t like being blamed for stuff.� �No one does, Reg. The reason Geegee himself came is probably to get revenge.� Finn turned away from the viewport. �Why don�t we lead him away from his army? Our troops can take droids, and without Geegee the droids won�t know what to do.� �That�s a good idea, Finn-� �Thanks Sarg.� �-But how do we trick �General Grievous, Paranoid Mastermind of the Galaxy� into leaving his troops?� Reggie piped up. �With live bait.� �GENERAL FISTO!� �Why do I have to do it.� �Because you�re the Sergeant. You always do the yackity-yack-yack.� �Thanks Rio.� �No problem. Go on, knock. We�ll be right behind you.� Fletcher turned to the door. The others slowly backed away. He gave the door two little knocks. �He�s not gonna hear that!� �FINE!� He banged on the door loudly. �Now are you happy?� �Very.� The door swung open, revealing an annoyed general only half dressed. �What is it, Sergeant? I�m busy.� �In case you haven�t noticed, there�s a battle going on outside. Or have you been too �busy� with General Secura?� Kit stared at Fletcher in shock. �How do you know�?� �Know what?� �About�never mind.� �About Aayla?� �Sssh! Not so loud! Ok, I�ll come down.� �Good boy, Fishy. There�s a very special guest down there who�s anxious to meet you. We�ll escort you to the battlefield.� Soon they were tearing above the Republican Army towards the Separatists. Purely by chance, Cor had guessed where they were going, ran ahead and locked himself in the cockpit. They had to admit (secretly of course) that despite being a reckless driver, he had pretty good aim, even without a targeting computer. He flew constantly in evasive action, for the hell of it, and shot every hailfire droid he saw with his rockets. Finn and Rio got into the laser-things-that-look-like-bubbles-hanging-out-of-the-gunship (I have no idea what they�re called) to give Cor a hand. Cor yelled back to the three passengers. �WE REALLY NEED A RADIO ON THIS THING!� �We brought the stereo, that�s enough!� Fletcher was searching the battle for General Grievous. He quickly located him, sawing through clones like there was no tomorrow, all four lightsabers out. He looked impressive, but Fletcher caught sight of some writing on the hem of his cape. It was a pity no one with a sense of humour would get to read their �messages�. At least Geegee couldn�t get it off. �OVER THERE, COR! RIGHT! RIIIGHT! YOUR OTHER RIGHT! -Ok Reg, are you ready?� �Do you think it will work?� �Reggie, we�re clones. We all sound the same. As long as you remember your lines, it will work.� Reggie walked carefully over to the open slide door. He stuck his head out and started bellowing. �OY! GEEGEE! WAS THAT THE DARKNESS� NEW ALBUM?� Grievous looked up at the gunship angrily. It was low enough to jump. He caught sight of Kit Fisto in the passenger hold. He leapt at the gunship like a cat and held on. Fletcher, Reggie and Rio backed away to the other side of the ship. Grievous pulled himself up and Kit faced him, ready. �We�ll just let you do your stuff, Generals.� Rio and Reggie jumped. Fletcher hesitated. �Finn, are you coming?� �Nope, I�m staying with Cor.� �Finn, he�ll be fine. We�ve got a battle to win.� �Go ahead.� Fletcher looked at Finn once more, before jumping out. Reggie and Rio had already landed and a few moments later he joined them. On top of a hailfire droid. Reggie had somehow gotten stuck on one wheel and was flying around it every time the wheel rotated. �Aaaah�aaah�aaaah�aaaah�aaah!� �For fuck�s sake Reggie! Do you have to be so damn CLUMSY?� Fletcher and Rio caught his left leg and pulled him free. He swayed on the already moving hailfire droid. �I am�so fucking�dizzy�I want to go again!� �Rio, hold him still.� Fletcher took out his twin Deeces and blasted the rolling droid repeatedly. �And�JUMP!� They jumped off just as the droid exploded. When the smoke cleared, they found themselves surrounded by battledroids. �Drop your weapons! I said drop �em!� �Roger roger.� �Gods damnit.� They didn�t move. Neither did the droids. Back on the gunship, Finn had gotten into the cockpit with Cor. He glanced back at the generals. Cor did too. �Shouldn�t we be helping him in some way?� �Blasters against lightsabers? Somehow I don�t think we�d be much help. Plus, he�s doing ok- nope, there he goes.� Grievous had just kicked Kit out the open door. �Well, in a way he�s safer now. But I�d really start worrying about us.� Grievous was heading for the cockpit. He had lost two lightsabers to Kit. �Got the stereo?� �Yep.� �Got the CD?� �Check.� �Earmuffs?� �Sure do.� �Ready, set, PLAY!� They slapped the earmuffs on just as James Blunt�s song, �You�re Beautiful�, came on. His shrill girly voice filled the gunship. Finn and Cor gave each other a thumbs-up. �AAAAH! NOOOOO!� �You�re beautiful You�re beautiful You�re beautiful it�s true I saw your face-� �TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! GAAAA!� �-And I don�t know what to do Cos I�m so in love with-� �I�M GOONA GET IT STUCK IN MY HEAD! TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF NOW!� Cor and Finn were sniggering in the front. The glanced back at Grievous. He was running for the doors. Cor slammed them shut. Grievous started banging his head off the closed door, with his hands over his antennae things. He had dropped his lightsabers. Then he turned, with eyes full of torment, towards the cockpit again. �Quick! Close the blast door!� �You mean the trapdoor?� �Yes! Just close it!� �Whatever.� It slammed shut behind them, but not before Finn had taken Grievous� lightsabers that had rolled across the floor. There was a loud THUNK beside Cor�s head. A fist shaped lump protruded through the metal, just inches away from the pilot�s seat. Finn began to feel sorry for Grievous. �Ok, I think he�s had enough. Put on �Givin� Up�. Just to do him a favour.� �I agree.� They switched CDs and Grievous� yells stopped. Rio whispered to Fletcher. �What now?� �Just stay still.� �AAAAH!� �What was that?� Kit Fisto dropped into their midst. He landed on his feet. He seemed quite cheerful considering he had just dropped from a flying gunship. �Hey guys! What did I miss?� �Look around, General Fishy.� �Would you stop calling me that?� �Nope.� He noticed the droids. �Why aren�t they shooting?� �I don�t know. Probably because no one told them to.� The droids still didn�t move. Then all of them heard strange music from above. The Arse Gunship was right over them, doors closed. It came down anyway, and Finn threw out a rope ladder. The four on the ground climbed it into the now crowded cockpit. Kit spoke up mas he jousled for space. �Why can�t we go in the back?� he was answered by anither punch to the blast door, which barely touched him, but he fell unconcious anyway, �2nd time today. NICE ONE GEEGEE!� Cor was answeree by a snort of disgust and a kick to the door. Fletcher eyed it apprehensively. �So are you going to tell us what happened?� �After Bierr.� Cor produced a crate from under his feet. �Cheers. Want some back there?� �Cor, he doesn�t-� �I DO!� �Alright then, maybe he�ll be quieter when he�s drunk.� By the time they felt like coming back to the Destroyer, they were singing along with the stereo to �All I Want� by the Offspring. �So back of your rules back offf your jive cause I�m sick of nort living To stay alive. Leave me alone I�m not asking a lot I just don�t wanna be controlled That�s all I want All I want All I want All I want Ya ya ya ya ya!� They had opened the blast door once they were sure Grievous was drunk and he was whole heartedly singing along too. They had no idea how h got the drink into him, but they were glad he did. �Ooookkkkkaaay guys�we�re here. Shut up. Geegee, you have to bugger off now.� �Shit, this isn�t my stop.� �That�s what I said. Go over there.� �That sucks�catch ye later � that stuff is good shit.� He jumped out and wandered into the woods in the direction of his command centre. Cor waved, then started getting out of the pilot�s seat. �I AM NACKERED� someone bring Fishy in�or may be Aaaaylaa will evvventually..� They gradually made their way to the Star Destroyer singing �Happy Birthday� off tune as they when. �Wait, wasn�t Geegee supposed to kill us or� some thing?� �How should I know. He�s a good singer, thoooouuuugh.�
