A Grand Day Out Fletcher�s head was throbbing the next morning. He was the first one awake. He vaguely remembered being thrown out of the bridge at four standard hours in the morning. The others got thrown out a few minutes later. Someone, possibly Finn, had spiked his Bierr, and his hangover was worse than he thought it would be. He picked one of his boots off the floor and threw it lazily on top of Cor, who was on the couch next to his. When he got no reaction, he flung back the covers to reveal� a pile of Bierr bottles. �For fuck sake, not AGAIN!� The others had disappeared too. Fletcher got into his armour. He made a mental note to buy some real clothes other than the stupid black under thingy he wore under the armour. He leaped out the open window. Well, actually, he ment to jump out, but he got his foot stuck in the handle, dangled there for a second, shot the handle and fell heavily on the ground eight foot below. The rest of the squad was, at this time having a few hours of freedom. They had travelled to the nearest city in their gunship (Cor wasn�t allowed to pilot) and split up, promising to meet up later. Cor, as you might have guessed was the craziest of the group and one of his favourite pastimes was climbing statues or sometimes fountains. The first one he came across was the city�s founder, a large statue of the hobo who had first settled here. He had stolen a crate of Sippies from a neighbouring town and later used the crate for a home. The statue showed him with the famous crate on a stolen wheelbarrow. Cor grinned up at the ancient, drunken face. (In case you want to know, he had his armour on too) Cor jumped, clung to the side of the stone crate and pulled himself up. He fumbled around his belt and pulled out a small pickaxe. He began carving his name into the stone surface. Tap, tap, tap, ow, shit, tap, tap tap. �C�nnngg..R�.aaannd..R. YAY!!� He did a little victory dance. �THEY SAID I COULDN�T DO IT! THEY SAID IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO VANDALIZE AT LEAST ONE THING IN EACH OF THE OUTER RIM TERRITORIES! THEY LAUGHED! WELL, WHO�S LAUGHING NOW? MEEEE!!!� And with that, he threw down his pickaxe and laughed hysterically. The axe stuck into the rock and a hairline crack appeared. Cor was too busy dancing to notice. He stamped his feet and hollered, and people started gathering around the crazed, white-and-blue armoured trooper. He ignored them. The more he stamped, the larger the crack got. It was spreading down the width of the crate now. �ARSE! ARSE! ARSE! ARSE! ARSE!� Now the people were muttering and pointing. Cor jumped as high as he could and crashed down hard on the weakened statue. Yes, you know what�s coming. The structure crumbled, with Cor still on it. He didn�t seem the least bit scared, just slightly surprised. �WHEEEEE!� He dived off the pile of rubble and rolled away. That�s weird. They don�t normally fall until the third jump.� He looked across at the people. Lots of people. Lots of angry people. The crowd became an angry mob. Cor scrambled to his feet. The chase was on. �AAAAAAAAAHH!!!!� Meanwhile. Reggie was walking aimlessly around the streets. There were so many interesting signs here. He didn�t know what many of them ment; they just had pictures, not writing on them. He turned a corner where the sign was a dog and a house. It was a housing estate. �Ooh, these gardens are pretty. And they�ve all got guard dogs.� He wandered over to the nearest one. �Here doggie.� A large, black Rottweiler type dog growled an answer. �Awww. You�re purring.� The growl got louder and the dog advanced. �Wow. Cor would kill for teeth like those. He likes biting things.� The dog stopped in its tracks, quite flattered. �Yeah. He�s got these really weird habits. I bet he�d love to have a tail like yours too.� The visibly brightened up. �Why, thank you, my dear fellow. That�s jolly well the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.� Reggie was dumbstruck and fell backwards. �You�you talk? How the hell can a dog talk?� �I listened. And one thing led to another and�.� Reggie raised his hands. �Ok, ok I didn�t ask for your life story.� �But you just-� �Hey, I�ve got an idea, why don�t you shut that little hole in your face and come with me?� Reggie took out his Deece and blasted the gate apart. �Excellent idea, my good chap. I am Edward the Sixteenth and may I inquire as to your name?� Reggie thought for a second about what was just said. �Eh�Reggie.� �Jolly good, jolly good. Come along Reggie, I deduce you are new to this humble little village?� Reggie was getting really confused. It unnerved him that a dog could outsmart him with words. �Eh�yeah.� Finn was having the best day of his life. He had found a tavern, and had discovered a flair for playing the bodhran. (A drum covered with goatskin and made from wood, originally from Ireland. You held it sideways and used both ends of a stick to beat it by flicking your wrist quickly. It�s pronounced BOWrawn.) He was ordering at the bar when a bearded stranger shouted at him from across the tavern. �You there! The fella in the skirt. Have you ever played the bodhran?� Finn swallowed his anger and replied. �It�s a kama, an what the fuck is a bowran?� He turned to the man. He was sitting with a group of old men carrying cases for different musical instruments. He grinned at Finn and held up the small drum. �This is. Me and the boys are havin� a ceili tonight. We�re one musician short. It�s an easy instrument to play. You just have to keep the beat.� (Another note- sorry � a ceili is an Irish festival with music, dancing and stuff. Pronounced kaylee.) Finn got down from his stool and walked over. Why not? He thought. The man handed him the bodhran and his lessons began. Soon the dancers arrived and he was prepared. He had a gift, and several of the dancers were eyeing him with interest. The musicians started playing and Finn happily joined in. Rio was in a different situation altogether. He had stumbled upon an all night (and day) nightclub called the Razz. The bouncer wasn�t hard to get by, once he saw Rio�s blaster (not to mention his get-up). Once he was inside he summoned the most descriptive word on his vocabulary. �Ooooh�� The music pounded in his ears, the lights flashed on and off, but what get most of his attention was a group of scantily dressed girls staring at him. The leader, judging from her 48-inch chest and swagger, came forward and batted her eyelashes. Rio was speechless. He was in no way ready for this. The girl said the mother of all hooker clich�s. �You lookin� for a good time, Honey?� Rio looked her up and down. �Oh yeah.� Fletcher picked himself up and dashed to the bush where they kept their gunship. It was gone. Cursing, he ran back and jumped back in the window. (And no, he didn�t get stuck again.) He didn�t know why he was in such a hurry, he felt like he was missing something. He torn the room apart looking for his jetpack keys. They were on his belt. He strapped himself in and sighed with relief. �You missed me baby, didn�t you?� He kissed the straps for luck, slapped his helmet on and blasted out the window. As soon as he was high enough, he headed for the town in the distance, it was small and close by, and he knew his teammates well enough to know they would go for it. �Theses little shits think they can ditch me, but they can�t escape the Fletchin� Sarg!� About 20 minutes later he entered the town. Celestial beings, he loved that jetpack. He landed and looked around. �Nice place. Wait, who am I talking too?� Then he heard the thunder. It shook the ground and echoed around the street. But there wasn�t a cloud in the sky. He turned and saw Cor running straight at him. Being chased by a large number of angry residents. �SARG! RUN FOR IT! SAVE YOURSELF!� �Cor? What the -?� Fletcher didn�t move. Cor collided with him. �Ouch! What the hell did you do this time?� The crowd was almost on them. Fletcher dived into a side alley, with Cor clinging to his leg. They hid behind the dumpsters. The crowd stopped and several voices were raised. �Hey, where did the Smurf thing go?� �Theys dissaperated!� �There was two Smurfs?� They wasn�t Smurfs, Beddie, theys circus freaks!� �O fellows, your two fugitives ran down that housing estate.� �The dog�s right! I seen �em!� The crowd started moving again and the footsteps faded. �They must be idiots if they didn�t think to look here. Cor? Can you let go now?� Cor shook his head franticly. �Nuh-uh. They were gonna kill me!� �So I noticed. What did you do?� ��Statue�broke it.� �WELL NO WONDER THEY WERE�wait, does that mean you finished it? The vandalism thing?� Cor nodded and let go. He took something from his belt. �Magic Mushrooms helped.� Fletcher tried to knock them out of his hand. Cor began laughing like a maniac. �THERE NEVER WERE ANY MUSHROOMS!!!� �YOU MEAN YOU WERE BEING CRAZY ON PURPOSE?!� �Uh- huh.� �ALRIGHT! THAT�S IT! WHAN WE GET BACK YOU�RE HAVING A TIME OUT! THAT MEANS NO BIERR!� �Sarg?� Fletcher turned around. Reggie and Edward smiled back pleasantly. �I say, Reggie, those to fellows are dressed in a very similar uniform to your own.� Reggie waved. �Hey guys! How was your day?� Fletcher was in no mood for Reggie�s cheerful greeting. �Reggie, ditch the dog and help us find Finn and Rio.� �Why can�t Edward come?� �Yes, what�s the matter with a little extra company?� �We don�t have time to- did that dog just talk?� Reggie nodded and put his arms around Edward. �He can do lots of stuff and he�s really smart! He�s my new best friend!� Cor helmet hid his expression, but he sounded hurt. �I thought I was your best friend!� �He�s my best� animal friend, Cor. Can we keep him? Please please please!� Fletcher looked at Reggie with disbelief. �Reggie, this is someone�s dog. We can�t take him! Now let him go.� �But I-� Just then someone whistled in the distance. Edward pricked up his ears. �Ooooh yes! Suppertime! Sorry old chap, but I�m famished. Ta ta.� He ran off without a backward glance. There was a cry of �Buttons, Dinner!� as Edward rounded the corner. Reggie was heartbroken. �He�he told me his name as Edward�� Fletcher put his hand on Reggie�s shoulder. �Come on, trooper. He�s made his choice.� There was a sniff from under Reggie�s helmet. It was Cor who located Finn. He ran ahead to the sound of traditional music and barged into the tavern. There were two Irish dancers in the centre of the bar and Finn and the musicians were in the far corner. Finn was beaming and keeping the beat exceptionally well. Beside him were two tin whistle players, a concertina player and a short little man playing the fiddle. Cor stood unnoticed by the majority in the room tapping his foot. The crowd was clapping and joining in the chorus "Oh poor old Dicey Reilly she is taken to the sup Oh poor old Dicey Reilly she will never give it up She says it's nearly half past one and it's time I had another little one Still the heart of the rowl was Dicey Reilly." Cor picked up the words quickly and belted out the chorus after the next verse. "OH POOR OLD DICEY REILLY!" Finn looked up, startled. �COR!� Cor nipped through the throngs of dancers and general audience members and grabbed Finn. Finn looked back at the musicians as he was dragged out. �Thanks for the craic!� �You�re welcome, Finn! Keep the bodhran! You�ve got talent!� Fletcher and Reggie were waiting outside. �What was all that about?� �Nothing�just some friends, having a laugh�� �Do you know where Rio is?� �He said something about a nightclub�� Her lips were pressing against his, forcing them open and her arms were around his waist, fingering his kama. His mind was blank and he didn�t care about anything around him. Then the timely arrival of the rest of the Arse Squad burst in. �There he is!� �Hey! RIO! OVER HERE!� He pulled away and the hooker looked over his shoulder. �These your friends?� �Eh�yeah.� She clicked her fingers and her companions came forward and latched onto the others. �That�s better.� She smiled evilly at him and started dragging him up stairs. The others followed. There was the sound of five doors shutting simultaneously. Then the click of five locks. Half an hour later, the Arse Squad came out of the nightclub adjusting different parts of their armour. They started walking back to the gunship. Fletcher broke the silence. �That was �interesting.� Cor joined in. �Yeah, totally awesome.� Finn was absently stroking his bodhran. �Worth living for.� Rio laughed. �Hey, I�m the one who got you set up with them.� The others nodded. Reggie gazed into the distance. �She said I kiss good.� Finn slapped him on the back. �Good for you Reg, good for you. Who�s the designated driver?� �Cor is�� Cor rubbed his hands together. �Mwahahahaha�.�
