Cheek. And plenty of it. An ability to be absolutely outrageous. A sense of daring that takes some people's breath away.

Really. It's true. Although they don't of course, all make this instantly visible. Shy Cancerians, for example, only tend to show you this side of their personality when they are feeling very at home in your company.

Reserved, responsible Capricorn will insist that such remarks are wrong. Until, that is, they think that nobody is looking. And then, they will break every one of those barriers that they are allegedly so keen to put up.

Libra doesn’t even try to pretend that they are sensible. They glow with pride when they are accused of acting naughtily, provocatively or even somewhat dangerously.

And people born under Aries? Well, we all know that will say anything do anything or try anything - provided it has an edge of electric excitement to offer.

Behind the veil, all these four signs are driven by one basic impulse; the urge to conquer! They may do it actively (like hunters, pursuing their quarry) or they may do it passively (like anglers, baiting a hook) but they all thrive on the thrill of victory and they seek this, day and night!

In answer then, to the question 'How do you seduce someone born under a cardinal sign?' the answer is, you don't! You smile encouragingly, you play a little hard to get... and you let them set out to get you.

There is though, another question to which the answer may not be so obvious. How do you keep the attentive interest of such a person? You challenge them to a battle, which is how. Not a physical fights of course (or at least not unless it is a gentle, friendly one, entered into by mutual prior agreement). But a mental struggle or an emotional wrestling match. Give them a run for their money. Let them know that you intend to challenge their authority. Wind them up - at least to a point. And don't feel that this is bad. It is what turns them on... at least in moderation.

Other good ways to keep a Cardinal lover happy involve changing your mind, several times a day, about what you are intending to do. And daring them to stick to a commitment. And forgiving them when they bite off more than they can chew... time and time again!

Here, just in case you want to make your dictionary a little bigger, are four new words for stubborn. "Taurus", "Leo", "Scorpio" and "Aquarius".

These are what astrologers call the Fixed signs. All four of them have the capacity to dig in their heels and wait for what they want... no matter how long it takes. Their memories are as long as their hearts are passionate. They are, between them, the zodiac's most unashamedly sexiest signs.

What? Even the Aquarius, who are allegedly just walking computers? Yup. Especially them. They may dwell in the realm of the mind but they think, a lot, about the pleasures of the body. And this is one area where thought alone most definitely does not satisfy them.

And as for the other three... well, I'm sorry but this space is too small to waste in a description of the obvious. Besides which, this is a website for all the family. One word is all we need bother with. And that word is 'appetite'. As in voracious, relentless and insatiable.

You disagree? Well maybe that's because you happen to know one who is currently on a fast. Sometimes, ravenous people get past the point of hunger. Once they do, they can abstain for ages. Especially if they happen to be born under one of the fixed, unyielding sign. Sooner or later though, the desire to get physical will resurface... with a vengeance. But in their time, not anyone else's.

And here endeth the first lesson about how to win the heart of one of these people. You give them time. Lots of it. Months if need be. Years if you really care. And you also give them that time if you want the relationship to last. You think of the long term. You make it abundantly clear that you mean business - and you prove it, by offering your trust. You don't use words - for words are cheap, as every Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius knows.

You don't make dramatic gestures. Indeed, you keep drama to a minimum. For even if they appear to thrive on it, they secretly find it threatening. What they want is stability, plain and simple. For while some people consider continuity to be just a little boring, these deeply loyal people crave it like a drug. And rightly so, for they deserve it.

The Circus of Mutable Miracles presents the incredible juggling Gemini. There is nothing on earth that they cannot throw... and catch.

Don't miss the great Pisces Escapologists. No matter how you try to tie them up or pin them down, they will wriggle free in moments.

Hurry, ladies and gentlemen, to see the fearless Sagittarius, leaping bravely from the flying trapeze.

Plus, of course, our amazing team of Virgo high wire walkers.

All four belong to an ancient astrological category known as 'the mutable signs.' All four, different though they may be in many ways, share a love of challenge... and change. It has to be difficult or they don't want to do it. It must be different or they'd really rather not bother. That goes for all aspects of life... but especially for the way they behave in relationships.

They are looking for tricks that are hard to learn. They hate to feel that they know all there is to know about anything or anyone. And, they hate arguments. Yes, even the Gemini. Debates, they love. Heated discussions too. But conflict? No thank you. For all four of these signs, life is just too short to be wasted in a test of strength. It's far more fun to co-operate. This also explains why mutable signs find it hard to be alone for long.

They don't necessarily have to be in partnership. Indeed, most find the notion of conventional marriage rather intimidating. To make it attractive, it needs to involve someone who doesn't make him or her feel too needed or hemmed in.

Thus, if you want a mutable person to fall for you, you should never let them know that you have fallen for them. And, if you want to stay with a Gemini, a Virgo, a Sagittarius or a Pisces for life... you should focus on your own love of life, not of them. Put fun first. Be light, be nimble and above all, be adaptable.

That applies especially in the department that some might coyly call 'horizontal and nocturnal'. Don't ever let it be just either of these two things. Be adventurous and spontaneous (but still, somewhat sensitive) in your choice of time and place. And don't ever let your love life fall into a routine. And remember, the way to awaken their heart (plus most other parts of their anatomy) is through their sense of humor

You are someone who always has to win. Your partner is someone who will always refuse to lose. Some astrologers argue that yours is the most unlikely match in the zodiac. I suspect they may be missing the point.

You need someone who will always keep you on your toes. That's precisely what you have got here. The two of you will never see eye to eye for more than a nanosecond. And that's precisely why you'll always keep wanting to look into one another's eyes.

Yes you'll argue. Wildly. Ridiculously. But never for long. Or at least, never for long about the same thing. You'll find something new to fall out about every day. And that will keep the relationship gloriously fresh. It will also ensure that your mattress requires regular replacement. But better a broken spring than a broken heart. And the happy truth about this particular planetary pairing is that, if the two of you ever manage to stop trying to outdo each other long enough to form a partnership in the first place, you will probably manage to make it last forever.

There are advantages to this relationship. In theory, your loved one can be a great 'grounding influence' on you. With this person at your side, you can finish more of those tasks that you start but somehow lose interest in. You can become less impulsive and more thoughtful. You can also enjoy a lot of long, fulfilling embraces.

The problem has nothing to do with the level of mutual attraction. That's high, bordering on uncontrollable. It's in the fact that passion is not the only uncontrollable force in this partnership. You are one. Your desire to keep proving your independence is another.

Much though you may love having this person by your side, there will be times when their requests for re-assurance may tire you. That said, many couples of your type manage to enjoy lifelong happy marriages. There needs though, to be another dynamic at work in the relationship. You need to develop a key common interest - and a way to be amused, rather than outraged, when your partner gives you so many orders in such a no nonsense tone of voice.

Get ready to get rich. Quick. Get ready too, to spend it all in a weekend. Or to lose it all in one ill thought out investment that neither of you can see the drawback in. Your finances will fluctuate like a yo yo.

Nor will they be the only things that never stop going up and down. You'll have a lot of fun. You'll fancy each other something rotten. You'll tease and amuse one another. Boredom will never, ever set in.

Exasperation though, will be your constant companion. You will see, reflected back to you from your companion, the trickiest traits in your own personality. To compensate for your own excesses as well as theirs, you will try to be the sensible one. You won't manage it. And then you'll end up wanting to be more rash than ever, just because you are so cross with yourself for having tried to play a role that doesn't suit you.

This is a relationship that it is almost impossible to bring to an end. The attraction is strong - and you will both keep changing your mind about whether or not it is really working. Is this bad or good?

They say that heaven is a place on earth. They also of course, say the same about the other place. If you have turned to this reading because it you have an actual relationship of this kind, you will already know, for a fact, that one of those statements is true.

If you are 'just browsing' with a view to checking out a potential partner, you will probably want to know WHICH of those places you are likely to be transported to.

Let's put it this way. It will either be one or the other.

There's only one way to find out. For the first ten years or so, you probably won't be too sure. You'll probably decide to try another ten or twenty years, just to be on the safe side. The trouble is, if you are not careful, you will still go that way regardless of whether it is heaven or hell.

You love this person dearly. This is just as well, because there are times when this relationship costs you dearly.

Your partner is a little too loose with money... and with promises. "Yes of course we'll do this" you overhear your loved one saying, on the phone. "We'll take two of those. Sign us up to that. Come round whenever you like, its no problem." And, of course, to your partner, none of it IS a problem.

Their desire to be spontaneous is endearing until it starts tying you to a commitment you don't want to make. You like to be consulted. You like time to mull things over. You like to reserve the right so say 'no. Your partner understands this. Heaven knows you have made the point often enough. Yet you are together with someone who often forgets to ask, fails to think and loves to say 'yes'.

You and your partner come from different planets. That's not necessarily a bad thing. There's something rather wonderful about the way your loved one often transports you to another world. There is though, a constant debate about which world is 'home'. You see your world as the 'real world''... yet you just can't make your loved one live in it. You are sharing your life with someone who is forever away with the fairies. You've got yourself a butterfly - or a bird of paradise. Lovely and pleasing though this is, you find all that floating and fluttering infuriating. You want to say, "come on, let's be practical. Let's think about the future." Yet you are dealing with someone who makes everything up as they go along. Can't plan, hate to wait. That's quite a high price to pay for a sensational sex life.

You have got what you deserve here. Someone who is as wacky, wild and irresponsible as you are. And just as proud of this! Oh, and just as indignant to hear themselves accused of all the above.

Read the last few sentences again please.

Notice how they contradict each other. That's how you contradict yourself, every day. It's also how your loved one does the same. You are both outrageously inconsistent. You both love to say one thing and do another.

Put you together and we don't just have a couple of nuts, we have a whole hazel tree. You match each other, whim for whim, fancy for fancy, idiosyncrasy for idiosyncrasy. You live together in a state of constant chaos. You both think it is the other's fault. The good news is this hardly matters.

You just cannot resist one another. In one way, that's wonderful. Yet there are times when we all need to run into a little resistance. No matter how free we like to be, we need someone who can help keep us on the rails.

Your partner is more likely to help you build up such a head of steam that you end up flying right off the track. It's lovely to have your engine stoked and your whistle blown. But not when you are running up to the buffers.

This is a fine relationship as long as you are both heading down the same straight course with no obstructions. But when there's trouble ahead, your impulse is to avoid it. You create a last minute diversion and steer safely, cleverly clear. Your partner's preference is for a confrontation, a showdown, and a test of strength. The trouble is not so much that you argue more that you compromise in a way that exacerbates both your worst weaknesses.

Your trouble is, you can't resist a challenge. Your partner CAN. All too easily. Your partner loves nothing more than to resist every challenge that ever crops up.

Nobody, but anybody, challenges your loved one and gets away with it. Apart, of course, from you. Some might describe the ensuing conflict as 'dynamic tension'. That's probably what you think it is. There's something quite thrilling about teasing, seducing or pushing someone past the point where they usually say 'enough is enough'.

When the object of the exercise is sensual pleasure, that's perfect. It probably explains why your poor, long-suffering loved one keeps coming back for more. Yet when the same principle is applied to daily life, it makes every conversation a struggle; a tussle for power or a wrestling match for control.

As I say, you can't resist a challenge. It amuses you to keep exploring new options. Yet your partner prefers familiarity. Routine. Consistency. Yawn.

Fire - Aries Leo Sagittarius

Earth - Taurus Virgo Capricorn
Air - Gemini Libra Aquarius
Water - Cancer Scorpio Pisces

Look... but don't touch. Kiss... but don't tell. Play... but don't get too serious. These are the basic rules of the love game in the land of fire.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius people dwell in a world of fantasy. That doesn't mean they can't share their hearts - or that they can't make lovely, loyal, lifelong companions. But we are looking, today, at what turns them on. What gets them going? What fans their spark of fancy into a flame of fascination?

The answer, every single time, is a notion of naughtiness; a hint of challenge, a sense of forbidden fruit. Without an electric edge of dangerous discovery, the physical plane is just too plain. Lets put it even more simply - for the point are crucially important. Fire sign people like to play with fire!

Hence the reason why some pursue secret affairs - or fatal attractions. Some, but not all. And even those who ARE tempted to stray can always be persuaded to stay. But only if their lovers fully understand how important it is to keep a guessing game going.

If you want to woo, win and, most crucially of all, hold on to a fire sign companion, nurture an air of mystery. Introduce a little uncertainty into the equation. Be a bit of a tease, though only a 'bit' of one. Fire sign people love being stirred up but they hate being wound up. They like illusion but not deception. They can't get enough honesty but they soon tire of total transparency.

This subtle distinction is easy to get the hang of, as long as you keep your spirits light. Ask yourself what's going to be the most fun, what's going to produce the greatest thrill... or what's going to produce the most dramatic tension? Then, set out to create - or supply this.

Has the earth moved for you recently? If your lover is a Taurus, a Virgo or a Capricorn, it ought to have done. These are the zodiac's earth signs and they all have the ability to smolder and erupt, like a volcano.

You may not think this to look at them though. They usually pretend to be sensible, organized and efficient. Then, when the moment is right, they suddenly change. Think, for instance, of the businesswoman who takes off her glasses and lets down her hair... or the mild mannered reporter who turns out to wear underpants over a jump suit.

Earth sign people are masters (and mistresses) of disguise. They have to be because, if you and I knew what they were really thinking... we'd blush with embarrassment. Or, to put it another way, Earth sign people are very, very down to earth. Don't waste their time with subtle suggestions. Don't slowly try to get them in the mood. They are not open to persuasion or coercion. They are either ready for everything - or they are interested in nothing. And when the moment of enthusiasm arrives, they will let you in a clear, emphatic way.

They will reach out, touch you, softly stroke you, and show you precisely what they have in mind. For these are the zodiac's sensualists. They have enormous, hearty appetites, which they like to fulfil slowly, course by course by course. In their own time. When they are ready. Without pressure. But with plenty of strong, unquestioning support from their partner.

So, is there nothing you can ever do to convince an Earth sign person that love is on the menu when they say they don't feel hungry?

Hmmm. Maybe there is one thing. Offer them a massage. A proper, thorough chance to loosen the tension in their neck, shoulders and spine. Then... you can see what happens next.

Would you like to float on a cloud? If so, find yourself a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius. For every single day, as soon as they wake up, these people levitate towards the lofty realm of the intellect.

They are drifting souls and shifting spirits. They go wherever their thoughts may take them and sometimes, in the process, they completely forget that they even actually have a body! They may forget to eat... or they eat, without noticing, far too much foolish food. They may forget to exercise - or push themselves ridiculously and relentlessly, without realizing. They can have a similarly absent minded approach to physical love.

Sometimes, they feast. Sometimes, they fast. Whichever they happen do be doing, they are somehow, secretly 'elsewhere'. Air sign people are perpetually making plans and solving problems. They are forever working out the answers to new, interesting questions. Unless you know how to reach up and join them in their mental reverie, you will never quite get their full attention.

They can, of course, make wonderful lovers. They can be extremely adventurous and wildly enthusiastic. They find it very hard though, to simultaneously engage their hearts, their bodies AND their heads. Two out of those three is normally the most they can manage. Thus, their lovers will often feel slightly cheated of something. Or at least, they will unless they too, treasure the joy of a fascinating conversation.

To love a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius, you've got to love talking - and listening - and discussing - and debating - and negotiating. To catch or keep an air sign person, you've simply got to remember one thing. The way to their heart... or their body... is always, always, through their head.

Would you like to know a secret? OK. First though, you must promise never to abuse the information that you are about to be given. It is sensitive, crucial and, in the wrong hands, dangerous. I am trusting you now, with a simple, foolproof way to make any Cancerians, Scorpio or Piscean fall hopelessly in love with you.

All you have to do... is tell them a secret. Show them that you trust them. Demonstrate your honesty, your sincerity... plus your need for their help and protection. But mean it. Or you will soon meet the wrath of water.

If you think that water is not an angry element, perhaps you have never found yourself out at sea, in the middle of a storm. Or seen a wave, hurling itself wildly at a cliff.

The water signs all share this capacity to produce dramatic, tidal torrents. When they are sad, they won't just shed a little pool of tears. They will cry you a river. When they are excited, they don't just well up with passion. They break an inner dam and flood the world for miles around.

These creatures of emotion live for their feelings. They wring every last drop of meaning and experience out of the sponge of the heart. Despite what this seems to imply though, they don't HAVE to be in love to enjoy an act of love. They can separate the physical from the mental with surprising ease if they choose. But when they do so, they always feel incomplete. They yearn to be totally overwhelmed, by all their senses, at one glorious moment.

If you're willing to offer them that opportunity, safely, trustingly, with all loyalty and commitment... you'll have a relationship that's never anything less than stunningly 'intense' in the nicest possible sense.

Some like it hot. You though, like it sizzling. Your partner is every bit as much of a frying pan fan. You take it in turns to raise one another's temperature. From the moment you meet, you start to compete. It's a race to see can take (and create) the most heat. You love this. It brings out the best in you. Your partner, of course, feels the same way. Until or unless that is, you run out of fuel. Fire must always have something to burn.

And something to burn IN. Sometimes, you end up exhausting one another. Sometimes, you feel as if there's just no room to breathe when you are with your partner. Sometimes, the two of you get each other so fired up that you both explode.

A dramatic confrontation is followed by the feeling that there's simply 'nothing left' to share. You have consumed, at a thrilling rate, all the common ground between you. The relationship has now burned itself out. That's what CAN happen. But it doesn't have to.

It's perfectly possible to combine to produce a steady, everlasting flame. All it takes is a bit of separate space - till you have found out how to co-exist at the right pace.

This is not an easy relationship but it is, potentially, an immensely rewarding one.

It offers much needed fuel to the fire sign person. It brings much needed energy to the earth sign person's life. The trouble is, it also brings resistance, on both sides. The earth sign partner wants to resist being totally consumed. Firebreaks get dug. Fire pits get built. The earthy one tries to ensure that fiery one will only do as bidden.

The fire sign person though, wants to break all those rules. Fire does not appreciate being contained. A power struggle ensues. It is one that neither can ever win. And so, you might think, the relationship has little, other than a struggle, to offer. But fire loves a challenge. There is nothing that it will not try to envelop. Earth too, thrives on change and transformation.

When earth is heated up as far as possible, it becomes a bubbling mass of energy. It comes to life. It erupts, spectacularly. The heat of fire can ONLY create that kind of passion, in an earth sign person. That's why the physical attraction is so strong. Every self-respecting fire wants to make the maximum impact possible on its environment.

And every still, strong, silent mountain secretly wants to become a volcano.

You have an instant rapport and an eternal desire to get more involved with one another. Why? Well, think about air. What happens to it when it is heated up? It expands and, at the same time, it becomes lighter. The Air sign person, in the company of a fire sign partner, turns into a hot air balloon!

The sky, quite literally, becomes the limit. Travel, to any destination, becomes gloriously possible. The air sign person, who is normally a little 'coldly logical' suddenly starts to glow with hope and excitement. And as for the fire sign person? Well, here too, a crucial need is being met. Fire cannot exist without air. The more that's on offer, the brighter the flame can burn. So, there's the attraction. Now, what's the problem?

The problem is that the fire, with all that air to reach for and not enough fuel to consume, can find that one moment it is roaring but the next, it is extinguished. Meanwhile, because the brighter the fire glows, the more air it absorbs, the air sign person can end up feeling stifled or 'all used up'.

Yet even when this happens, or everything seems to have come to a hopeless, sudden end, the passion can always, always, flare up wildly again... in moments.

If you think like a chemist, you can soon see where the problem lies in this relationship. Fire is very good for water. It boils it up and, by helping it turn into steam, it 'purifies' it. Unfortunately, this makes the water just a little too still and sterile.

To see things from the fire sign's point of view though, you don't need a chemistry degree. We ALL know what water does to fire. Happily though, the story does not end there.

Fire, for all its fury, loves nothing more than to be put to use. That's what it was created for. And fire is never more useful than when it is warming up water. Fire sign people LOVE water sign people. They cannot get enough of them.

And water sign people? Well for all the danger that they are aware of, they cannot resist the warmth. They imagine it will only raise their temperature a little. That will make them capable of supporting more 'life'. They really want that heat.

So the attraction is mutual and strong. The water sign is safe in the knowledge that, whenever the fire gets too intense, a splash of strong emotion will damp everything down. The fire sign person just wants to get things bubbling. Thus the two are forever drawn closer.

There are some who say that this is the most unlikely love match in the zodiac. That's what THEY think.

Actually, it is one of the easiest. The very reason why it comes in for criticism is the reason why it has so much to offer.

To show you what I mean I must ask you to think, for a moment about what your element is all about. When you here the word 'earth', what - other than a planet spinning round in space, do you think of; Mud and clay? Soil and rock? Field and mountain? Choose whichever image you like the most from this list. Now think further. What happens when you put any of these things together? Answer; nothing very much. They just peacefully coexist. And, over a long period of time, they have a gently beneficial influence on one another.

There's no dynamic tension, no sudden drama, no argument, no competition, and no challenge. This, claim the so-called experts, is the problem. But then we have to ask, why do experts exist? To help us solve our problems, of course! No problems, no need for experts. And this, put simply, is a wonderful, 'no problem' relationship.

If peace and stability - and a total absence of crazy adventure, is all you seek, look no further.

Put earth with water and what do you get? Mud. Or maybe clay, if you are lucky. It doesn't sound very exciting does it? Unless, of course, you happen to be a biologist... or a potter.

Biologists travel all over the world in search of little mud samples. Mud may not look interesting to the untrained eye but it is gloriously rich in minerals and rich too, in molecular life. You'd be amazed by what you can extract from it.

Clay too, has a deceptive appearance. Until it is shaped into something, it seems to have no value. Once it has been through a process or two, it becomes precious... even priceless.

Never underestimate the magic that a water sign person can create, in combination with an earth sign person. This relationship, in symbolic terms, is the most important and the most potentially productive of all.

We're talking 'fertility' here... in every sense of the word. We're talking about a supremely creative combination - which can bring forth almost anything you could ever wish to produce. We're also talking about two elements, which, once merged, are tremendously difficult to separate. So it is just as well that neither of you are ever likely to want to go your separate ways.

The two of you couldn't be more different. You have few common interests and, even when there are things that you do both like, you like them for very different reasons. You are chalk and cheese. Or, rather, you are earth and air.

Where, pray tell, do these elements come together freely and easily? Everywhere... and nowhere. On the horizon, where land meets sky. On the mountaintop, where cliff meets cloud. In the field, where tree top is blown by breeze. The two of you interact, but only just. You communicate... but you dwell in separate realms. And this is precisely the reason why, if you ever manage the rare feat of instigating a relationship of this kind, you will both find it so rewarding.

How can the air harm the earth - other perhaps, than by blowing the occasional gale across its surface? How can the earth hurt the air? Other than by trapping it, sometimes, for a while in some underground cave?

Your rapport may not dramatic but it is steady. You are safe with one another. You can be mutually supportive. And, in that glorious way that only people from very different worlds can ever experience, you can be forever fascinating to one another... to say nothing of powerfully, mutually attracted.

You match and complement each other in so many ways that you simply must be soul mates. And that's just wonderful. Er... isn't it?

In one way, of course it is. Your rapport is instant, genuine, deep and exciting. There's nothing you can't discuss, or share, or see each other's point of view about. You can talk to each other forever and a day. You can probably even read each other’s minds. You often feel sure that know just what your partner is going to say next. Yet you want to hear it all the same. You come from the same planet. Or rather, from the same sector of the stratosphere. For neither of you are exactly earthbound. And THAT is where the potential problem lies.

You ARE soul mates and, when you get together, you feel more like a pair of spiritual partners than a 'physical couple'. Most of the communication between you is ethereal, spiritual and cerebral. You generate exciting energy together - and you wander off together, for hours, down wonderful intellectual roads.

Your relationship exists at a level that not many outsiders can understand. But you both understand it and each other, perfectly. Almost TOO perfectly.

What do we get when we mix air with water? Bubbles. What do we get when we mix water with air? Clouds. What do we get when we put the two of you together? A dreamy, float, sparkly, fizzy relationship.

It's a great combination. And you both know it. It's also a very fertile mixture.

Oxygenated water supports plenty of life. Humid air produces tremendous plant growth. And is there a problem? Maybe, just a teeny, weenie one.

The water sign person lives mainly in the realm of emotion. The water sign person is a natural intuitive who runs on feeling and instinct. The air sign person dwells in the realm of intellect. The air sign person has to work everything out logically and see a clever reason for every move that ever gets made. This drives the watery person bananas. The watery one says, "Look, I can't explain why I feel what I feel but you have to trust me. I KNOW I am right." This in turn sends the air person to banana-land. "Listen," comes the reply, "I CAN explain my point of view. I have thought everything through and I can PROVE I am right."

It is, of course, all part of the magic. And there IS plenty of magic. The pairing is one of the zodiac's best. But nothing on earth - or heaven - is ever, totally, unreservedly perfect... for long!

It shouldn't be allowed. There probably ought to be a law against a love like yours. How can anyone have a bond so deep, sympathy so great, empathy so special?

It's not even as if you have to work at it. All you do is relax together... and it all happens naturally. And it keeps on happening. All those slushy, cheesy, awful romantic songs seem to make perfect sense when you are together. Violins swell up every time you look into each other’s eyes. Can't you show just a little respect for the rest of us who live in the world of cynicism?

We don't look at you both and think 'how wonderful'. We think, how dreadful. Fancy being in such a state of soppy agreement. Fancy being so devoid of critical perspective. Fancy being so trusting, so sincere, so treacle and so wrapped up in deeply private world. And you do fancy it. Very much so. About as much as you fancy each other. Yuk. Where's the drama? Where's the dynamic tension? Where's the guilt?

Ah. There it all is. It is in the way that the two of you interact with the rest of the world. Not, always, very healthily or skillfully. And because you are such a pair of watery pushovers, if only you can be somehow made to feel guilty enough about this, you will agree to separate... albeit to the tune of a thousand more violins.