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What She Says
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What He
Hears
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Translation for Him
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"We never go out." |
"You're not doing your job. What a disappointment you have turned otu to
be. We never do anything together anymore because you are lazy, unromantic,
and just boring." |
"I feel like
going out and doing someting together. We always have such a fun time, and
I love being with you. What do you think? Would you take me out to dinner?
It has been a few days since we went out." |
|
"Everyone ignores me." |
"I am so unhappy.
I just can't get the attention I need. Everything is completely hopeless.
Even you don't notice me, and you are the person who is supposed to love
me. You should be ashamed. You are so unloving. I would never ignore you this
way." |
"Today I am
feeling ignored and unacknowledged. I feel as though nobody sees me. Of
course I'm sure some people see me, but they don't seem to care about me.
I supposed I'm also disappointed that you have been so busy lately. I really
do appreciate how hard you are working and sometimes I start to feel like
I am not important to you. I am afraid your work is more important than
me. Would you give me ahug and tell me how special I am to you?" |
|
"I am so tired, I can't do anything." |
"I do everything
and you do nothing. You should do more. I can't do it all. I feel so hopeless.
I want a 'real man' to live with. Picking you was a big mistake." |
"I have been
doing so much today. I really need a rest before I cna do anything more.
I am so lucky to have your support. would you give me a hug and reassure me
that I am doing a good job and that I deserve a rest?" |
|
"I want to forget everything." |
"I have to do so much that I don't want to do. I am so unhappy with you
and our relationshp. I want a better partner who can make my life more fulfilling.
You are doing a terrible job." |
"I want you to know that I Love my work and my life but today I am so overwhelmed.
I would love to do somethign really nurturing for myself before I have to
be responsbile again. Would you ask me 'What's the matter?' and then listen
with empathy without offerneg any solutions? I just want to feel you understanding
the pressures I feel. It would make me feel so much better. It helps me to
relax. Tomorrow I will get back to being responsible and handling things." |
|
"This house is always a mess." |
"This house is a mess because of you. I do everything possible toclean
it up, and before I have finished you have messed it up again. You are a
lazy slob and I don't want ot live with you unless you change. Clean up
or clear out!" |
"Today I feel like relaxing, but the house is so messy. I am frustrated
and I need a rest.I hope you don't expect me to clean it all up. Would you
agree with me that it is a messa nd then offer to help clean up a part of
it?" |
| "No one listens to me anymore." |
"I give you my attention but you don't listen to me. You used to. You have
become a very boring person to be with. I want someone exciting and interesting
and you are definitely not that person. You have disappointed me. You are
selfish, uncaring and bad." |
"I am afraid I'm boring you. I am afriad you are no longer intersted in
me. I seem to be very sensitive today. Would you give me some special attention?
I would love it. I've had a hard day and feel as though no one wants to hear
what I have to say. Would you listen to me and continue to ask me supportive
questions...Or just listen, and occasionally when I puase make one of those
reassuring sounds like "oh" or "hmm" (Note:
Men have never head of these sounds
before getting into a relationship with a woman.) |
|
"Nothing is working." |
"You never do anything right. I cant' trust
you. If I hadn't listened to you I wouldn't be in this mess. Another man
would have fixed things, but you made them worse." |
"Today I am
so overwhelmed and I am so grateful that I can share my feelings with you.
It helps me so much to feel better. Today it seems like nothing I do works.
I know that this is not true, but I feel that way when I get so overwhelmed
by all the things I still have to do. Would you give me a hug and tell me
that I am doing a great job? It would sure feel good." |
|
"You don't love me anymore." |
"I have given you the best years of my life, and you have given me nothing.
You used me. You are selfish and cold. You do what you want to do, for you
and only you. You don't care about anybody. I was a fool for loving you. Now
I have nothing." |
"Today I am feeling as though you don't love me. I am afraid I have pushed
you away. I know you really do love me, you do so much for me. Today I am
just feeling a little insecure.Would you tell me you love me? When you do
that it feels so good." |
|
"We are always in a hurry." |
"You are irresponsible. You wait until the last minute to do everything.
I can never be happy when I am with you. We wer always rushing to avoid being
late. You ruin things every time I am with you. I am so much happier when
I am not around you." |
"I feel so rushed
today. I don't like rushing. I wihs our life wasn't so hurried. I know it
is nobody's fault and I certainly don't blame you. I know you are doing your
best to get us there on time and I really appreciate how much you care. Would
you empathize with me and say something like 'It is hard to rush always. I
don't always like rushing either.'" |
|
"I want more romance." |
"You don't satisfy me anymore. I am not turned on to you. Your romantic
skills are definitely inadequate. You have never really fulfilled me. I wish
you were moe like other men I have been with." |
"Sweetheart, you have been working so hard lately. Let's take some time
out for ourselves. I love it when we can relax and be alone. YOu are so romantic.
Would you surprise me with flowers sometime soon or take me out on a date?
I love being romanced." |
| What he
says |
What she hears |
Translation for Her |
|
"I'm OK." |
"I am not upset
because I do not care." or "I am not willing to share my upset feelings with
you. I don't trsut you to be there for me." |
"I am OK. I can
deal with my upset. I don't need any help, thank you." |
| "I'm fine." |
"I dont' care
about what has happened. This problem is not important to me. Even if it
upsets you, I don't care." |
"I am fine because I am successfully dealing with my upset or problem. I
don't need any help. If I do I will ask." |
|
"It's nothing." |
"I don't know what's bothering me. I need you to ask me qusetions to assist
me in discovering what is happening." |
"Nothign is bothering me that I cannot handle alone. Please don't ask any
more questions about it." |
| "It's all right." |
"This is the way it is supposed to be. Nothing needs to be changed. You
can abuse me and I can abuse you." or "It's all right this time but remember
it is your fault. You can do this once but don't get it
again or else." |
"This is a problem
but you are not to blame. I can resolve this within myself if you don't
interrupt my process by asking more questions or offering suggestions. Just
act like it didn't happen and I can process it within myself more effectively." |
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"It's no big deal." |
"You're making a big deal out of nothing. What concerns you is not important.
Don't overreact." |
"It is no big deal beacuse I can make things work agian. Please don't dwell
on this problem or talk more about it. That makes me more upset. I accept
responsibility for solving this problem. It makes me happy to solve it." |
|
"It's no problem." |
"This is not a problem. Why are you making it a problem or asking for help?" |
"I have no problem doing this or solving this problem. It is my pleasure
to offer this gift to you."
|