Tuesday 6/18/02 ~
Inspirations
Happy Birthday Daddy!
Ack that means my birthday is coming up!! My wishlist seems to
be growing by the day! It's not really a birthday wishlist just somethings
that I'd like to have eventually. Although if someone could get me a Jeep
Grand Cherokee for my birthday I promise to love them forever! :oP
We had an awesome practice this morning.
One more left until my bro's party. I think we'll be ready for sure. I had
a weird experience though this morning. We had practice at this person's house
who's not in the dance but she knows all of us and has a huge space for us
to practice in. So anyway, from the first day I met her I had this really
good feeling about her. Just something about her made me feel so comfortable
in her company. And today sitting with my mom and her friends after practice
just chatting away I realized that I think the life she has is the one that
I'm trying to have too. For the last couple of days I've been realizing that
my life has gotten complicated especially in the last couple of years. Of
course I know of people who have lives far more complex but it's too complicated
for me. Before I went to college things used to be simple. I used to be simple
and I miss being that way. I liked how I was back then and being at her house
this morning just made me realize how much I wanted to go back to being that
way. And yes from my mistakes I have learned to be more careful before trusting
people and believing them and what not - which is one thing I think she lacks
because she's so naiive - but other than that I like how I used to be better
than how I am now. It was just amazing to see her just enjoying her day, literally
finding pleasures in the smallest things in life. I think I'm gonna have
to start a huge project of re-evaluating myself. Where I am, what I want
to do. I've been having so many negative thoughts in my head and it really
does bring me down physicall too. Because today after being at her house
and having this realization, I left with so much more energy than I
had when I came. Even after 1.5 hours of dance practice, something just seemed
different in the way I saw things. I know it sounds ridiculously cliched and
what not but I don't know how else to say it. I liked how I was before and
I liked how I felt today. I don't know it's such a weird feeling. I mean I
know I've had these moments where I know I'm going to just change everything
but this time it's more inspiring because I have an exact goal in mind. I
see how she lives her life and it is just so inspiring. I don't know how else
to put it into words. It sounds really ridiculous and cliched. I just really
like how I'm feeling right now.
5:47 pm ~
confident
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