holybook

   In the begin there was the great spirit Us.
Us created the All and the Whole. Us then created the Earth and the Heavens. Then Us got horny and created two naked people in a garden with a snake.
    Us thought the snake was kinky.
After a few years Us got tired of this pornographic entertainment.
    Us decided to get rid of these two naked people and have even more entertainment in the process. Us gave the two naked people free will and told them not to eat a fruit, which to make it seem especially alluring, he called the fruit of knowledge and life. Us knew that they would eat it but for dramatic effect Us made the snake talk and tell them to eat it. Us made the snakes soul the origin of all evil, Jar Jar Binks. Us the banished the two naked people from the garden, which Jar Jar destroyed.

     The two naked people were getting old and ugly so Us made them get clothes. As the two naked people raised their children those children had sex with each other and the human race began to "advance" through inbreeding. Us decided that killing, sinning and such would make the world more entertaining. So it was.
    Us gave the descendants of the two naked people ideas on building things such as guns, swords, and bombs. After each period where the new type of war got boring Us would simply create another. Us got tired of this knew way of killing; there simply wasn't enough violence or blood.
                                                        So ends "The Beginning"

    Jesus said to Us " OH! Great Spirit Us! Show me your light! Let me thrive in your wisdom!" Us replied unto Jesus "No! Jesus you are a fag!" Jesus said "Because I like it up the ass? For that I am punished?" and Us said "Yes, until you enjoy sexual intercourse with women and ONLY women will you be saved." Jesus rather upset with this commandment from Us said "Us, you are nothing! I will destroy you!" Us then condemned Jesus to be tortured on a cross. Jesus in his ignorance thought he had beat Us. Us knowing of the plans Jesus was forming only smiled at the years of conflict and consequently entertainment that would follow.
    Jesus with the power of Jar Jar was brought from the land of the dead, which is known as Jar Jar Land. Jesus then founded the not so great religion Christianity. Us was amused and let this religion flourish even letting it take over the one true religion. Us mocking the Christians made them break even their own commandment and created the crusades. Us not letting Jesus go unpunished has since punished the Jews, which Jesus claimed to be after being risen with sayings like "hey jew" and has made many armies over the years kill Jews.
    Us gives you another divine commandment "Thou shalt not be gay, only women are allowed to have sexual intercourse with men"
                                                       So ends "Up the Ass"