| These are the Ten Commandments of Us and should be followed at all times! unless drunk or high |
| Thou shalt not kill Them or Us, or many others without thyne divine permission of Us |
| Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Big Soda |
| Thou shalt honour thyne pope and thyne arch-bishop and thyne Church of Us |
| Thou shalt spit on Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Satanists, and all other religions that are not Us |
| Thou shall renew thy baptismal vows of Us with purification from the holy fluid Big Soda |
| Thou shalt have no other Gods before Us after is acceptable as long as those Gods worship Us |
| Thou shalt not steal from Us |
| If thyne wish to be punished for thyne sins, Thou shalt not confess, thou shalt beg for Us to purify thee. If thyne turns to another religion for help thyne will be banished to Jar Jar Land. |
| Thou shalt take the name of Us in vain |
| Thou shalt curse heathens for the misbelief in Us and Jar Jar Land |
| Thou shalt not comment on the decisions of Us no matter what state of consciousness Us was in when the decision was hence made. |
| Thou must pray to thyne deities of Us hourly (or whenever you feel horny) |
| Thyne be warned that the mighty bunghole of Us goes raa-pa-pa-pa-pa-paaaa |
| Thou must not question the relevance of these fifteen commandments (known as the Ten Commandments) |
| Finally, thou must realize we are better than heathen Christians or Jews because we have more commandments. |