It was almost here.

He stared out the bus window, lost in an ocean of thoughts. Memories, wonders, contemplations�it was all there. All jumbled up in his troubled mind. It was dark. Just a few moments...

He glanced at the clock. 11:54. So close�

�Three years�� he thought sullenly. �What could have happened�?�

It had been three years since her attempt. They never even knew how she died. All they knew was that it was suicide�and because of him. He realized his mistake�too late. His parents, he knew, would never forgive him for what he did. Neither would Jessica�s parents. Her friends never talked to him again. His mind would spin wondering what would have happened if he had just said, �I�m sorry.� But it was no use dreaming. It was all just a bunch of liquid dreams.

All the others were asleep. He couldn�t. That very coming day was the anniversary of the incident, and the guys knew not to expect much out of him. The dark room was silent as he thought- and listened to the soft sounds coming out of the CD player�s speakers. He considered it �his� song. It seemed to fit perfectly�even in this chaos he called life.

I try to pick the pieces up,
And I can�t think of startin� over
We used to share the stars above
I don�t wanna think of change
But now I gotta move on
I gotta catch up to the world
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know is right

The blonde listened particularly to the next few lyrics, relating to them the most�

But is there a place that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know?
Where can we go from here?
All I know is that I love you still�
Sometimes we do things against our will�
I know I cry lonely tears�
Where can we go from here?

He didn�t even bother wiping away his tears. She needed to know�she had to know that he loved her.

Why? Why do I cry inside
For love that�s gone away�?
How? How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone�
Tell me where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you�

It was a coincidence that it was by Brian Littrell from the rival band.

�Lance? God don�t tell me you�re listening to that song again.�

He sniffled. �Sorry,� he said quietly, listening intently to the music flowing out of the small box.

JC rubbed his tired eyes and sat next to his friend. �Lance�I don�t know how many times I tell you- don�t do this to yourself. She�s�� he searched for the word, �she�s in a better place.�

�Sometimes I wish,� Lance said, barely above a whisper, ignoring his friend. �Sometimes I wish she was here. Maybe we could still be happy?� He bit back a sob. He couldn�t. Not now.

JC shook his head and put his arm around the blonde. �Lance. Get off of it. I know I sound harsh, but it�s for the best. You didn�t know.�

�But I should have.�

His blue eyes went heavenward. �Not again�� This was the sixth time he had said that when they had this conversation. �Lance, I�m your friend. Listen to me. She�s in heaven, where she belongs. You can make her happy and live your life.�

Lance raised his dull green eyes to JC and whispered shakily, �What if I don�t want to?�