�Come on!� I urged him.
�Ok!�
We walked into the county jail in Orlando.
I went up to the desk.
�Can I see Keith Goodman please?�
He typed for a few seconds.
He looked back at me.
�I�m sorry ma�am. He passed away yesterday.�
�W-what?�
I couldn�t be hearing right. He couldn�t be dead.
Hot tears filled my eyes.
�He passed away,� he repeated.
�Are you sure you have the right man?�
�Keith Goodman? Yes of course I have the right man.�
�G-o-o-d-m-a-n? That Goodman?�
I refused to believe what he had just told me.
�Yes. Now please. You can attend the funeral tomorrow.�
The tears fell like rain.
JC pulled me to him, saying, �It�s ok, Jessie it�s ok.�
I looked up at him.
�NO. It�s NOT ok. JC, I�m the reason he died.�
�No, you�re not.�
�YES, I am. If I would�ve told him that I forgave him�he would still be here.�
�You had no idea how he felt about you. If it�s anyone�s fault, it�s his. He should�ve told you. Then things might�ve been a little better. But he didn�t. Don�t blame yourself.�
I continued to sob into his shoulder.
There was no question as to if I was going to attend that funeral. I was going. Even if I had to skip out on my own wedding day I would still go.
<<>>::::<<>>
I walked up to the casket.
My already red eyes started to tear again.
He looked absolutely horrible. He was skinny, he was pale, his eyes were ringed with dark lines, and his hair was limp.
I wanted to die. Maybe if I told him that I forgave him, maybe he wouldn�t have suffered so.
I put my hand on his cold cheek. It hurt me so much to see him so lifeless and cold. And it killed me to know that I had caused it.
I placed the rose on his chest. A chest that was not rising and falling.
Closing my eyes, memories flashed like lightning. From when we met to recent times. It scared me to think about how much he had changed. All because of jealousy. He used to be my best friend. The caring, smart, funny, athletic, cunning, comforting man I used to know was gone. Forever.
I looked up at the sky, hoping that somehow, Keith could hear me.
�I forgive you Keith. I�ll never forget you,� I whispered weakly.
I thought I was scarred when Keith looked at me with those eyes� but it hurts and scarred incredibly deeper when he can�t even look at me at all�