So, this is becoming to be a habit. I used to ramble just once in a while, but I'm starting to make this a daily routine. I just can't stop writing things down. So I might as well speak up and share what's been on my mind.
Today is a big day. I finally got a place of my own. Yeah, a new studio just for me. I got the keys today, and I called up the electrical company, the phone company and got everything set to go for tomorrow. Tomorrow would be another big day, since I'll actually be moving to my new place. I think I should be happy and excited, right? Actually, I'm a bit worried. I just saw my new place, and the place is just tiny. Well, that's not a problem since I'll be the only one living there. But still, something is not right.
I guess the biggest part about moving to a new place is that I now have to pay almost double of what I've been paying before (for a place that's is half the size I used to live in). Boston housing is simply ridiculous. While the rent is skyrocketing, I'm still a poor college student. Juggling three on-campus jobs do help out a bit. But that's just not enough when you're living in an urban environment. Yeah....city life....it's not all that great. Hey, but don't get me wrong. I do like Boston and all - it's a nice small college town, full of college students. There are so many things to do here - It's just that I never make time for myself to do anything around here. In that sense, I have a pretty pathetic life.
There's one thing I'm really really really good at. That is, I worry a lot. (I get this from my mom). So, after looking and wandering around in my empty new apartment (soon to be filled with tons of boxes), I slowly headed back to school. I hopped on the T (the trolley), and soon I realized I have missed my stop. Times just seem to fly away sometimes.... This is the third that this has happened this summer. I keep missing my T-stop and keep having to walk back to where I was supposed to get off at. I must be losing my mind or something. For some reason, whenever I'm on the T alone, my mind just starts wandering. It's not that I'm really having these great philosophical thoughts or coming close to an enlightenment or anything. I just stop focusing, I guess.
Seriously, though, why am I like this? I guess I just don't feel settled, yet. And maybe after the big move, I'll feel a lot better. I'm starting to realize that I'm not really good at staying put. I moved around a lot in my lifetime. I don't think I've stayed in one town for more than three years. It's coming to be my 4th year here in Boston, which means I'll be a senior, and soon to graduate. Staying in once place for so long, now my biological clock is ticking and telling me that it's time for a change. I need to move to a new area and get a fresh start. The problem is though, I'm not quite ready to graduate yet. Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on the circumstances), I got accepted to the BA/MA program at BU. Which means, I will not be graduating until 2003 with my double major bachelor's degree in Biology, Mathematics, and my master's degree in Mathematical Statistics. If all goes as planned, I will not be going anywhere for two years! But I want to graduate now!!!
I'm starting to think that I have made a bad decision, a bad turn in my course towards my future destination. Maybe this has something to do with me missing my T-stop these days. Perhaps I should stop being so anxious about my academic credentials and start enjoying what I have accomplished already. But one thing I know for sure is that, this is a crucial time in my life. A time to make the right decisions, a time to focus, a time to make changes(?). If not, I might end up looking back to the past, regretting, and never move on. Ugh! It's just irritating because it's time to leave this rat-infested town, and I just can't! Or it may be that I just need a time off. That's it, I need a vacation, a real vacation.
Oh my....my nails have gotten so short these days. The length of my nail is inversely proportional to how much stress I'm getting. Shorter the nail, the more stress I have. Same with my hair, too! Whenever I feel like I need a big change, I go get a haircut. I feel much better afterwards. I think it's a girl-thing. A week ago I was feeling a little down, and I thought I needed a bigger change. My hair is short enough already, so I decided to do something drastic. I figured, if I don't do this now, I'll never get it done. I finally gathered enough guts to go to the mall and get my ears pierced. Yup, now it's been a week since I've gotten my ears practically stapled. It's annoying whenever I change my shirt and stuff, but it looks alright. Physically, a small change, but emotionally, a huge improvement. :) Hmmm....you know....maybe I should get on that T again and see where it will take me. I'll probably end up in a mall somewhere shopping away or getting another hole in my ear....=P Doh! I gotta save money.... have to pay for my rent.... have to pay for my daily living expenses. Geeez....I'm gonna go play lottery. :)
Alrighty, wish me luck!
July 9, 2001