"The I In *NSYNC"
Inside the office of a certain musical manager(Think: Scene from "U Drive Me Crazy" video)...
Johnny: So...a male quintet, eh? Well, you're not exactly original to the scene...
Our now-complete five guys plus Lou Pearlman sit around the desk of Johnny Wright, an esteemed manager with several projects under his belt, active both in past and present, and soon to be even more esteemed.
Johnny: What, where's that voice coming from? How does it know so much about me!?
I'm omnipotent. Well, in this fanfic, anyway.
Chris: We're sure we don't know. Please, continue.
Johnny: Er...right. As I was saying, the idea of pop group made up of some guys who harmonize and choreograph well isn't exactly new.
JC: Yeah, we know about The New Kids on the Block.
Johnny: That's not what I meant. Not exactly. I currently have another men's group under my management with similar traits and have heard of numerous other groups all over Europe and the States as well.
Justin: What, someone beat us to this!?
Johnny: A lot of someones. Boy pop has been slowly gaining recognition around the world. Don't get me wrong, that could very well work to your advantage, but in the same way it'll categorize you in a lot of stereotypes and may not be the way you want to work.
Lance: What types of stereotypes?
Johnny: Many people will accuse you of being unoriginal or being fake. They'll categorize you in this.
The guys glance around at each other, upset. Categorized as being fake? Not a pretty picture for such serious musicians.
Lou: Well, guys, I think we should use this wisely; Let other bands do the work and gain recognition for you, that saves you the trouble of doing it yourselves! Yeah, this will work great! Follow others' standards!
Everyone turns to stare at Lou for a moment. Then Chris gave a parely perceptible hand signal to the other guys, who nodded.
Joey: Hey, Lou, want this? Fetch.
In a series of well choreographed sequences, Joey first threw a Milky Way bar out into the hallway and Lou lunged after it, panting. Then Justin immediately shot out of his seat and locked the door, then Lance, Chris, and JC went and pushed several chairs in front of it.
Chris: Sorry you had to see that, Mr. Wright. Please, continue.
Johnny: Er...right. And please, call me Johnny. Where were we again?
JC: We were talking about boyband stereotypes. But you know, I think if we just go out and do our thing, the true fans are gonna be able to tell the difference. We don't wanna be fake, obviously, but if we just go and set our own standards and do our own music I think people will see us as we are, not "just another band." I think. I hope.
The other guys nod their heads in agreement.
Johnny: Well said. I heard your demo tape and I actually think you guys have the talent to back that statement up. Now let me just fill out some forms...what did you say your names were?
"Justin Timberlake."
"Chris Kirkpatrick."
"Joey Fatone."
"Lance Bass."
"JC Chasez."
"And we are *NSYNC!"
**************************************************************
"I trust that whatever you are planning, it is going well..."
"Yes sir. I have had minor difficulties, but in general there is little chance of my failure."
"I'll believe it when I see it, fool. Make these interlopers ours, or do away with them."
"You must know, sir, that my strategy depends highly on both their survival and their willingness to trust me. During this interim it will be neccessary for us to draw heavily upon our reserves."
"You wish for them to survive?"
"These talents are little use to us if they are dead, sir. And it is because of this that I ask you to grant me full control of the scouts, soldiers, and revenants in my objective."
"You ask plenty for an underling with no visible success."
"I ask you to place your trust in me, sir, I shall not disappoint."
"...Very well, do as you please."
**************************************************************
Outside the building...Cue tunes of "Some Dreams."
Lou: Who exactly came up with "*NSYNC," anyway?
Justin: My mom did. Then we figured out that the last letters of our names actually spell *NSYNC.
Lance: What? Wait, mine doesn't.
Justin: Sure it does, Lansten.
Lance: Lansten?
Justin: Yes, from now on you shall be dubbed Lansten.
Lance: But that makes me sound like a dork! When did I turn into Lansten? If I were Lansten I think I would know about it. Heck, I'm not even Lance, my real name is James!
Chris: Just deal, Lansten, it ain't that bad.
Joey: Yeah Lansten, don't sweat it.
JC: Lansten, you gotta be able to tough it out a bit. I took on JC for Chrissakes.
Justin: Right, Lansten?
Lance/Lansten: AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
Lou: So have you guys picked out a leader yet?
This remark stopped their friendly banter immediately.
Joey: A leader? What a ridiculous idea. We don't need a leader. Do we?
Chris: I've never actually heard of any musical group having a leader before...
Lou: Trust me, it happens everywhere. My former group's got a leader. It helps a lot with all the planning and whatnot. It's what makes a team. You can never really have any sort of order without a leader, can you?
This got the guys thinking.
Lou: Well, you guys deal with it. I'm gonna go now and scrunge you up some performances.
With that, Lou sped off.
Lance: A leader, huh...well, I guess we could have one, you know, for namesakes purposes only.
Justin: Yea, it be no mo' crunk dan it jes' itn't, yo homies!?
Joey: Huh?
Chris: He's saying that it shouldn't make that much of a difference.
Joey: Oh.
JC: Well, if we are going to have a leader, I nominate me.
Justin: You! Why you!?
JC: 'Cause I'd be the best at keeping all you guys in order. Of course the leader's gotta be a solid man, someone you can trust, right?
Justin: Heck, you couldn't do that any better than I could, and at least I won't be insecure about it.
JC: Are you calling me insecure?
Chris: Hey, aren't we forgetting something important? Seeing as how I am the founder of this little team after all...
Lance: None of you guys can do it, you're all so unstable. This calls for someone actually sane. You know, someone from Mississippi.
Chris: So what if I'm a little crazy, we all go a little crazy sometimes.
Lance: Sure thing, Norman Bates.
Joey: Guys guys guys! What's going on!? We're all getting into some argument about something totally pointless!
At this, the fellows hung their heads, embarrassed.
Joey: There now. Well, for putting an end to that argument, I say that I should be the leader.
Justin: Joey, you just want the glory that comes with it.
Joey: And you don't?
Justin: Well that'd be an added bonus...
In midst of all their arguing, no one noticed the little pug scampering up to them.
Busta: For the last time I'm not little!
Maybe if you repeat that enough times you'll get around to believing it.
Busta: It's not the size that counts, it's the way you...nevermind. Hey guys, what's all the fuss?
Chris: We're having a debate about which one of us gets to be the leader.
Busta: The leader? What a ridiculous idea. You don't need a leader. Do you?
JC: According to Lou, yes. And he seems to have more of a clue as to what he's talking about than we do, so...
Busta: And that's it? That's all you were fighting about!? Guys, if you're really serious about this whole thing you're gonna have to find some way to get along! We can't have you splitting off into debates! Can't you figure this out like friends?
Lance: Sure. In theory.
Justin: Okay, I'm the leader. Now that it's settled, let's move on...
JC: Whoa there, no one said...
Lance: Let's just pick someone(like me)and...
Chris: If you all would just...
Joey: Can we not...
Busta: HEY!!!
Silence. Several people on the street turn to stare.
Chris: Nothing to see here, folks, we're all ventriloquists.
The passer-bys nod sadly in sympathy and move on.
Busta: What's going on!? What happened to those cool, friendly guys that were able to work well each other, huh? Let's just put this aside for now.
Justin: ...Fine.
Chris: ...Whatever.
Joey: ...Right.
Lance: ...Sure.
JC: ...Okay.
Silence.
Joey: So. Nice weather.
Silence.
Lance: Hey, did you guys hear the one about...hey, Justin, what was it about again?
Yet more silence.
Chris: So where exactly did you go all morning, Busta?
Busta: Oh, right. Well, with the appearance of the final member, I decided to get in contact with my superiors again.
JC: You mean the guys who know about the Corpulence.
Busta: Right. And I have a big surprise for you all, follow me.
The guys turned to leave, but after a dozen or so steps, Chris stopped dead in his tracks, alert.
Chris{Whisper}: Guys! I think someone's following us!
The rest of *NSYNC tensed.
Justin: What, where?
Chris: Everyone turn your heads slowly towards that shop window and look at the reflection. There's this guy that's been following us for a while.
*NSYNC turned their heads to face the reflection, and sure enough there was a tall man, dark hair and eyes, leather jacket. To the average observer there might not have been anything wrong with that, but the perceptive men of *NSYNC could see that he was watching them closely.
Lance: Hey, I don't like that. I mean, when we become really successful I guess this kind of thing is unavoidable, but it looks like this guy just has a chip on his shoulder. Let's go see what his problem is.
But as soon as they turned to face the man they found themselves staring at nothing. He was gone. Like in one of those freaky movie scenes where you think you see a bad guy and when you look again he's disappeared.
Joey: Whoa.
JC: This is like one of those freaky movie scenes where you think you see a bad guy and when you look again he's disappeared.
Exactly. A freaky movie scene where you think you see a bad guy and when you look again he's disappeared.
**************************************************************
Later in an abandoned garage...Cue tunes of "We Can Work it Out"
Lance: Wowa.
In front of them was a massive tourbus. Sleek and shiny, it's got the *NSYNC flame symboled on its side.
Busta: Don't judge it by its outside, come on in!
Inside the bus
The inside of the vehicle was packed with anything anyone would ever want for an extended trip on the road: Kitchen, living room, bunks, full-sized TV...
Chris: Busta! You even got us cable! And Playstation!
JC: Is this...this is...is this what they call..."internet?"
(Remember this was back in '95, not everyone was afforded with such a wonder)
Justin: Busta, how did you do this!? Where did you get this!?
Busta: Surprised? From now on think of this as our HQ, a gift to help you on your quest.
Joey: A gift? From whom?
Suddenly the TV moniter flashed, and a blurry figure of a face appeared.
"Greetings, members of *NSYNC."
Chris: Great, now I've seen everything. Again.
Joey: Dude, who are you?
"You may refer to me as Central."
Busta: This is the person who sent me on my way to find you guys. He's my boss, quote-unquote.
Central: I do not like to think of myself as a commanding figure; My job is merely to guide and lend support to you five in your mission. What you do or how you do it is totally up to you.
JC: Um...we do have this small problem. We can't decide on a leader.
Central: A leader? When the time comes you will be able to decide for yourselves, for the answer will be all too obvious.
Justin: That's all nice and dandy, what with it sounding like something out of a self-aid ad, but it doesn't help us much.
Central: I do have some advice to give you: Know your power.
*NSYNC: Huh?
Central: Know your power. No matter at what time, what situation, know you own power and you will succeed.
Chris: I guess this should be important in some way...but do we know you? It seems like I've seen you somwhere before...
Central: Who or what I used to be is not important. What you do from now is. Now go *NSYNC, and fulfill your destinies!
Justin: ...
Chris: ...
Joey: ...
Lance: ...
JC: ...Go where? What destinies? Do you have any idea how stupid you sound?
Central: Look, I don't know, okay? I'm making this crap up as I go along, give me a break.
So am I, actually.
**************************************************************
Eleven O'clock at night, and Johnny still sat in his office, fumbling over the papers. Sure, the guys have their work cut out for them, but no one really gives any credit to the manager nowadays. But of course, he thought, this was to be expected. With the introduction of *NSYNC, things are going to have to be pushed around and handled delicately. Hopefully the guys will get a firm grasp on their careers; The last thing the business needed was another group of stuck-up "boybands." Part of that will be his job: Keeping the guys' heads from flying too far up. But they seemed like nice boys, and Johnny had extreme confidance in them.
Still, on top of everything, he wasn't sure how his other boys might react. For all he knew, they might be totally okay with this, see how mature and professional they were. On the other hand, the initial concepts of both bands are arguable similar, and there was sure to be tension, if only a little bit. If there isn't tension, Johnny thought bitterly, the dang media was sure to stir it up.
Johnny: Hey, will you stop printing my thoughts out for everyone to see!? This is personal stuff. Get out of my head, shoo!
Right.
Having driven away the annoying narrator from his thoughts, Johnny returned to his paperwork. But it wasn't long before he was faced with another distraction.
Knock knock
Johnny: Come in.
From the hallway entered two men, both well over seven feet tall, wearing dark suits. Hmm, they seem somehow familiar, almost as if they appeared in every other da** chapter in this story.
Johnny: Can I help you?
Man #1: Actually, yes. We were just hoping to obtain from you all files on all of the musicians currently under your management.
Johnny: Files on...You're joking, right? These are personal files. There's no way I can just hand them over to you without proper consent or clearance.
Man #2: That is unfortunate...for you. We insist that you hand the files over for your own sakes. It'd be much easier for all of us.
Johnny: What!? Who are you people, I'm calling security.
Man #1: Don't worry, after a while, you won't feel a thing...
**************************************************************
Justin: Chris.
Chris: Yeah?
Justin: You're a relatively intelligent person, aren't you?
Chris: I wouldn't put it quite that way, but sure...
Justin: You're not supra-genius or anything, but you're kinda knowledgeable, righ'?
Chris: Kinda.
Justin: I mean, you went to college, did some scholarship work, you know? Like you'd be one of those people who appear on Politically Incorrect or something?
Chris: Um, I guess.
Justin: And Busta's kinda like your dog, isn't he?
Chris: Quote-unquote.
Justin: Well, see, I have this tiny question that I'd like to ask you.
Chris: Shoot.
Justin: How...How...HOW...HOW THE HECK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT BUSTA IS DRIVING THIS BUS!?!!?!?!?
Indeed, the little doggie was sitting behind the wheel, propelling the steering wheel and somehow maneuvering the pedals while Lance sat wide-eyed in the shotgun seat, on their way back to Johnny's office.
Joey: Dude, this is something I'm sure I've never seen in a cartoon. Even Scooby and Scrappy didn't drive their own van.
Busta: Well, I got you this bus, didn't I? Of course I have the means to use it...
Justin: No, but I mean, how is this even physically possible!? Your paws reach don't reach the wheels or the pedals! Busta driving our bus!? Whoever's writing this da** story is taking a little too much liberty!
It makes for an interesting mental picture, so sue me.
Justin: I'm not even going to ask.
JC then came out from the back of the bus, cradling a laptop in his arms.
JC: Dude, this little thing is awesome! Chris, we're gonna be able to write our own songs while we're on the why is Busta driving?
Busta: I talk, I drive, I make microphones appear out of thin air, aren't I just special?
Lance: Apparently the author can't think of anything interesting to write while we're on our way back to Johnny's office to save him from the big lizard thingies, so he's putting down something totally random and pointless.
JC: Big lizard thingies? Lance, did you spoil yourself by scrolling down and reading ahead again!?
Lance: No, it's just that this story is so dang predictable...
Hey, you try writing your own fanfics, they're hard!
Chris: Well, why didn't you just say so? Why don't we just cut forward to the scene where we've arrived outside Johnny's office, ready to transform, after somehow learning that he's being attacked by the soldiers?
Joey: Yeah, I can tell we're boring our viewers again...you know, the ones who are actually trying to find a coherent storyline in all this? The most interesting parts are the action sequences anyway.
Oh, fine.
**************************************************************
Outside the office
After learning that Johnny was being attacked by the soldiers, the guys of *NSYNC have arrived outside Johnny's office, ready to transform.
Busta: Alright guys, be careful, you can't let Mr. Wright find out who you are.
Justin: You know, I just have to say it. I just have to, I'd go out of my mind.
Busta: Please do not give me your opinions on the transformation phrase again.
Justin: Please! I feel like a dork everytime we do this!
JC: Just when we do this?
Justin: Hey!
Lance: I don't understand. I think that it's cool.
Chris: Which is why you shouldn't be the leader.
Joey: We're not starting on that again, are we? 'Cause if we are, I still say I should be it.
Lance: Give me a break.
JC: You guys are all just too blind to see. But you know, in the end it's gonna be...
Justin: Me!
Busta: Hey!!! You've got a man in danger in the next room!
Chris: Guys, this'll have to wait.
Joey: Yeah, let's just try and work together for a while, then we'll go back to verbally abusing each other.
Justin: Right. Everyone cool now?
Lance: Agreed, for the time being...
JC: Let's get *NSYNC!
All: *NSYNC Star Power, Get Down!
The soldiers inside who were grasping Johnny by the throat were suddenly blinded as the door to the hallway burst open in a brilliant flash of light.
*NSYNC: *NSYNC is here!
Que tunes of "Here We Go"
*Lance: Look, it's them godzilla beasts!
*Chris: Looks like the author finally got off his fat hole and posted some pics of them.
*Joey: They're kinda ugly...I mean, look how demented the lines look. It's not even proportionally correct!
*Justin: Seriously, how long did the artist spend on this, two minutes!?
Hey! This took me a lot of work!
Soldier #1: The meddlers are here? This confirms our suspicions...
*JC: What suspicions?
Soldier #2: You'll not live long enough to know, fool!
With that, the soldier lunged into *JC, pushed him into a wall, and pinned him there.
*JC: Ugh!
*Justin: Let him go! *NSYNC Tearing Frostbite!
Just as the Justin propelled the daggers of ice towards it the soldier let go of *JC and they both lept out of the way, but the ice kept going, digging itself into the wall and leaving huge dents.
*Justin: Oh, ***t! Um, don't worry, I'll pay for that...
Soldier #1: Foolish humans! Prepare to suffer!
*Lance: I don't think so. *NSYNC Deep Seismoburs-
The rest of *NSYNC grabbed onto *Lance's arms before he could launch it to the ground.
*Chris: Wait, you can't use that attack here, you'll collapse the whole building!
*Lance: Oh. Right.
*JC: This room is too small to maneuver, we can't pull off any of our fancy attacks.
Busta: Look out, they're about to do that acid thing!
Just as the soldiers reared their heads back, ready to fill the room with acid, Busta and the guys of *NSYNC grabbed Johnny and dashed behind his workdesk, using it as a shield. A moment later and they would have been drenched.
*Joey: Guys, this won't hold for long!
*Chris: Right...I think I have a plan, but it's something horribly convuluted and most likely an extremely dumb thing which I have actually very little intention of doing myself, but...
*Chris glanced pointedly at the large window behind them.
*JC: No way.
*Chris: We have to.
*Lance: Anything's better than staying here!
*Justin: Point taken.
*Joey: I'll go first. I'm the biggest, I can take the most impact.
Busta: I'll tell you when it's clear.
Busta snuck his small frame out the bottom of the desk and stole a peek. The soldiers have momentarily stopped spraying acid.
Busta: Go! Now!
*Joey stood up and shouted at the soldiers.
*Joey: Hey, lizard@$$! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Um...um...yo' mama was so ugly, she...um...I had to keep her in a glass jar!
Soldier #1: What!?
*JC: What? How is that insulting?
*Justin: Well, you're not a lizard.
*Joey: Yeah, and...and...she was so stupid, she thought you was a gecko!
*Lance: Ooh, harsh.
Soldier #1: No one talks about my mother that way! DIE!!!
This soldier lunged itself at *Joey, who felt the full force of the impact, launching him backwards...1) and crashing them both through the window of a twelve-story building.
Soldier #1: NNNNRRRRRAAAAAAAAASSSSSKKK!!!
The creature scratched and clawed, but *Joey held on.
*Joey: *NSYNC Burning Light!
2) The flaming light fired straight from *Joey's eyes into the soldier's face at point-blank range, literally burning its head off. Milliseconds later, *Joey landed on his back, hard. But due to his increased endurace rate, was not mortally wounded, only stunned.
*Joey: YES! I am Superman! Oh, ow, and now comes the searing pain.
Back in the office, the other soldier had thrown *Chris and *JC to the side and was holding *Justin and *Lance up by their throats.
Soldier: Curse you and your "light!" Why do you all fight so passionately! Don't you see how pointless your struggles are!? It is only a matter of time before you turn into ME!
*Lance: We'll...never...become...like you!
*Justin: That's...right...! We're...too sexy...!
*Lance: ...Not what I was thinking of, but yeah!
Soldier: Fools!
*Chris: *NSYNC Lunatic Storm!
Having recovered, *Chris immediately threw the slashing gale at the creature, propelling it out the window as well.
Soldier: AAAAARRRRGGG!!!
Unfortunately, two other figures went with it.
*Justin: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
*Lance: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
*Chris: Oops. Sorry!
*JC: Hurry, let's get down there!
During the fall down, *Justin and *Lance were able to disengage themselves from the soldier by delivering simultaneous kicks to its rib area. The duo were able to land on their feet, while the soldier fell facefirst into the pavement. Like *Joey, however, it was not mortally injured.
*Joey: Hey guys.
*Lance: Hey.
*Justin: Hey.
*Joey: Um, can you guys help me here? I think my @$$ is embedded into the concrete.
*Justin: Oh. Oh! Oh crap! Uh, *Lance, I'll grab his arms, you grab his @$$ from the sides and try to dislodge it or something...
*Lance: What!? Why me!? I'm not touching that thing! Too many rumors about it!
*Justin: *Lansten, we all gotta make sacrifices, yo? Now grab *Joey's @$$!
*Lance: I won't! Not ever! And stop calling me Lansten!
*Justin: Grab it!
*Lance: No!
*Justin: Lansten, you know you want to!
*Lance: No I don't!
*Joey: Guuuuuuuuuys...:(
*Lance: Oh...fine! Oh God, it's wet!
*Joey: That's just the sweat, I swear! OW! Watch where you're poking!
*Justin: Now this makes for an interesting mental picture:).
But by the time the guys got *Joey up, the soldier was up, too. Fortunately, the two other *NSYNCers plus Busta came out through the building doors at the same instant.
*Lance: What took you guys so long?
*Chris: Um, we used the stairs. Like normal people.
*Joey: Hey, it was your idea!
Busta: Look out, it's coming again!
The soldier prepared to swing its massive arms to attack them, but *NSYNC was ready. *Joey and *Chris dash behind it and grabbed the soldier by its arms.
*JC: That's good! Now just hold him...
The three other *NSYNCers prepare to unleash their powers.
Soldier: You fool. If you attack now you'll kill these two as well.
*Justin: Not if we're smart. *NSYNC Tearing Frostbite!
*Lance: *NSYNC Deep Seismoburst!
*JC: *NSYNC Spasmic Lightning!
At the very last second before impact, *Joey and *Chris jumped out to the side and rolled away, escaping unscathed while the creature was demolished.
*Justin: Yes! *NSYNC has got the flow~!
*JC: You know what? I don't think we really need a leader after all.
*Lance: Yeah, I mean we work so well together just by doing our thing, a leader would just mess things up.
*Justin: That's right! We're *NSYNC! Each of us is as important as the next. We can just keep things the way they are.
*Joey: Makes sense. Let's never fight again!
*Chris: Agreed. Unless it's over something immensely important like who gets to play the racing games first.
Busta: I guess this is the answer Central wanted you to find. Whew!
Suddenly, *Chris was once again aware that they are being watched by someone.
*Chris: Guys! I am once again aware that we are being watched by someone! Whoa, what a crappy line.
With their heightened senses, the rest of *NSYNC was able to feel it too.
*Joey: You're right! There's three...no, four...
*JC: There's five of them. I sense it now, too. Five pairs of eyes are spying on us.
*Justin: Where are they!? It's too dark, they could be watching us from anywhere, and...whoa.
*Lance: It's gone. The feeling's gone. Which means that they...whoever they are...are gone too.
Busta: Guys, I have a bad feeling about this...
**************************************************************
"You know we were almost caught that time," a soft yet firm voice said.
"So what? What if they had caught us? What could they have done?" This voice was deeper in tone, holding a hint of reservedness.
"Sometimes your arrogance can be very disturbing..."
"You two quiet down," a new, more aggravated voice demanded, "We were there for the sole purpose of observation."
"...So," this one belonged to a noticeable younger person, "What do we think of them?"
The owner of the soft voice considered. "Alone, they are indeed not as powerful as we. But working together they have such timing and empathic bonds. In this state, in their togetherness, they can be very powerful. Also very interesting."
"Will we confront them?" A new, lighter yet deep voice asked. "The question is, will they pose that much of a threat to our cause? Or in fact, any threat at all?"
"They are somehow linked to the Corpulence, of that I'm almost positive," the younger voice said.
"You know," the one with the soft voice spoke, "it is very likely that they are the ones spoken of in the Prophecy."
The deep voice of the who spoke second was now filled with anger. "You know that is not possible. Do not even think of speaking like that. We are The Five Who Are One spoken of in the Prophecy, not some ragtag team of jokers who have somehow also learned to utilize their star crystals. This is merely a fluke. A fluke that we'll take care of in due course."
Chapter 6: "Pop"
(Ooh, and the plot thickens!!!)
