"How Low Can You Go"
"Yet again, fool. You and your disfigured creations fail me yet again."
"Sir, if I may make a suggestion-"
"I tire of these intrigues. You will do well to make your next words pleasing to me, else I assure you it will be better for you not to speak at all."
"Our enemies, as you surely have realized, are powerful, more powerful than even a soldier can take on, and they are becoming more powerful as we speak. It might not be too unwise to use this to our advantage."
"Blight their star crystals, you mean. I had taken you for wiser, lowly one. You know that it is near impossible to blight those who already know how to utilize their crystals, particularly in a positive light."
"Actually sir, we might not even have to go to such extremes. Humans don't have to be blighted to do foolish things. There are other ways to...manipulate their powers.
"...I see. Very well, I will grant to you sufficient resources to do as you see fit."
"Thank you, sir."
**************************************************************
A few days later, inside a certain rented sound studio...
The four men of *NSYNC(Soon to be)are practicing to harmonize inside a soundstage. What they hear so far, they like.
Busta: You know, you guys really do sound great together. This is too good to be just coincidence.
JC: Well, as good as we sound, it's still not gonna be complete until we find a bass voice.
Justin: Can't we try having Joey sing lower or something?
Joey: Gee, I don't know, I don't really have experience with that...I'm pretty sure it won't sound as good.
Chris: No, Joey, go on and try. The worst you can do is give us all some dandy blackmail material.
Everyone turns to stare at Chris.
Chris: What? I'm trying to be helpful!
The guys then start off on another a cappella ditty, this time with Joey taking a much lower part. It still tunes, but doesn't sound quite as natural.
JC: Hmm, I guess not.
Joey: Sorry guys, it's just not me:(.
Busta: Don't sweat it, I'm sure you guys will find some other way.
Chris: On the other hand, we could just have four guys with very high voices. That'd be a little too reminiscent of my old job for me, but I can deal.
JC: No, I think we want to take this a further...how about we just find another member?
Chris: Just add a total stranger to our roster? I don't know.
Justin: Hey wait, I'm sure I can get in contact with some folks. I can call my vocal coach, he's sure to know some trustworthy people who are just as good as I am!
Everyone turns to stare at Justin.
Justin: What? I'm trying to be helpful!
JC: No no, actually, that may not be that bad of an idea. If you think you can get us a bass who doesn't smoke crack or have a restraining order towards people under eighteen, go for it!
Justin: Great! Give me a minute, I'll be right back.
Justin disappears into another room. At the same moment, a rather porky man of relative baldness comes into the room.
Man: Hey guys, that sounded great! Just really superb, you guys have got the makes! Yeah I can tell, with the right direction you can really go places! Although you {Points to JC} can stand to gain some weight.
JC: ...
Busta: ...
Joey: ...Who are you?
Chris: Um, guys, this is Louis Pearlman. I got in contact with him a while ago, to get us some managerial and financial backing.
Lou: Yeah, you guys sounded perfect! Great! Awesome! Let's do this! Yeah! I'll have a bus here within the hour and you can start your tour!
JC: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere, there's still a lot of stuff we have to take care of.
Lou: What stuff!? C'mon, you guys are all rad and can get this on the road, let's go! By the way, I'll need you guys to sign these papers asap.
Joey: Wait, are you kidding? We're not near ready to go on tour. Give us some time, man.
Lou: Okay, okay, okay, but you do plan to sell yourselves while you're still young and pretty, right?
JC: What!?
Chris: First of all, I'm not that young. Second of all, Lou, chill out, take a pill or something. We're not gonna rush into anything.
Lou: Right guys, sorry, but I'm only watching out for your careers. By the way, you should listen to what I say as often as humanly possible.
Justin returns from the other room.
Justin: Hey guys, I think we may have someone. My coach is going to get in contact with this guy, and he can come down and...who are you?
Lou: Hey, I didn't know there was another one!
Chris: Didn't I tell you that there were four of us?
Lou: Yeah, he's the prettiest of you all!
JC: What, no he's not.
Justin: Yes I am. No, I mean, whatchu smokin', crunk foo', why you gotta play me wit' sum pretty white man's posse, yo!?
Joey: Huh?
Chris: He's annoyed that Lou called him pretty.
Justin: Hey, it's a fairly derogatory term when associated with someone possessing a deeper and/or more developed senses and self-awareness of masculinity.
Joey: Oh. Why couldn't you just say that?
Justin: Contract still going strong.
Lou: Oh, you're just too cute. Here, give me a hug.
Lou suddenly lunged forward and, before anyone could react, grasped Justin in a bear hug.
Justin: AAAAHHHH! Stop it, what're you doing!?
Lou: You know you're my favorite one!
Justin: Help, I can't breathe! And please tell me that's a gun in your pants!
JC: Hey hey hey, don't hump Justin, he's sensitive to that!
Joey: Most people are.
It took all three other guys plus Busta to pry the large man off of Justin.
Lou: Whew! What a rush. Sorry, but you gotta admit that was fun.
Justin: Never in my existence on this Earth will I admit to that! Who are you!?
Chris: Um, this is Lou Pearlman. He's gonna help us get this thing together and...
Lou: I'll be as close to you guys as a fifth member!
Justin: Well actually, we may already have a fifth member. He's coming down from Mississippi in a couple of days...
Lou: What? That's not a good idea.
Everyone was surprised.
Joey: Why not?
Lou: Well, another member would include more funding, extra piblicity, more arrangements, extra time to get the thing together, all that nasty stuff no one would want to deal with.
JC: I think we'd want to deal with it. You can lift this thing off, man, but we're not going to be complete without a bass.
Lou: He'd just take attention away from you all. Wouldn't it be better just to stick with what you have?
Justin: It's tempting, but for the good of the group I think we'd better just go with it.
Chris: Yeah, Lou, relax, it'll all turn up great.
Lou: Sigh. Well, don't say I didn't warn you that you'll regret having this member. Well, I gotta run, if anyone needs me just give me a call.
Lou turns around and leaves.
Busta: ...Geez! Where did you find this man, Chris!?
Chris: C'mon, guys, he's really not that bad. He's normally very nice, and I think that he does have our best interests at hand. Just give him a chance.
Joey: Well...I guess we shouldn't stake it all on first impressions.
JC: As long as it's for the better of the group.
Justin: Heck, why not? Though if he hugs me again I'm gonna kick him in the face.
Joey: Yeah, Chris, if he lands the group in court we're all just gonna blame you.
Chris: What do you think, Busta?
The little doggie was silent for a moment.
Busta: Hey, I'm not little.
Oh, yes you are, don't even try and deny it.
Busta: ...I don't know, folks, my instincts are to not trust him, but you know it's your group, you should make the call.
Chris: Thanks, guys.
**************************************************************
A few days later, inside the same rented sound studio, our four guys and one dog are sitting at a table, watching another guy, who stood in fron of them for the audition.
JC: Alright, man, just relax and go for it.
Lance: Righteo.
This is James Lance Bass, a seemingly quiet young man with a deep southern accent, whose appearance belies a mature spirit, both in person and voice. A simple and inextravagant person, but definitely not common. No, it is rare to find one as unique and intense as Lance. You'd have to look far and wide.
Lance: Whoa, whoa! Who's there, who's talking about me!?
Chris: We don't know, really, just ignore it the best you can and you'll get used to it.
Ha, funny.
Satisfied, Lance began to sing...
Several minutes later...
JC: Oh gosh, he's perfect. He really is.
Justin: Whoa, seriously. See what I tell you guys?
Lance: Hey, aren't you two from the Mickey Mouse Club?
JC: What!? How'd you know that! Who are you in contact with!!??
Justin: Chill, JC, he probably just saw us on TV.
Lance: Yeah, I loved that show. You guys were the best.
JC: Oh. Really? You actually liked me? Wait, how is that possible?
Joey: Hey dude, how'd you learn to sing like that?
Lance: Well, I'm from Mississippi.
Joey: ...
Lance: ...
Joey: ...So?
Lance: So what?
Joey: So you didn't, um, answer the question.
Lance: Yes I did.
Busta{Whispering}: Guys, I've just confirmed that his star crystal is strong enough for transformation!
Chris: That does it. He's in.
All: Heydudeyouwannyouhavedoyoutohelpusthere'sthisyou'regreatwecanuseyouhelpusbattleevilandsavetheearth!
Lance: Stop! Slow down!
Busta: James Bass, you have been gifted with an extreme power and duty; destiny has chosen you to be the final member of the team that will do most harm to those of darkness.
Lance's eyes go even bigger than they were before.
Lance: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Talking dog! Talking dog! Help they're gonna kill me! They're all Satanists!
Screaming thus, Lance began to dash towards the exit.
Justin: Oh, crap, don't let him get away!
The four other guys rushed forward and football-tackled Lance.
Lance: NO! I swear I didn't let my poofoo out! See, there's the lock, all nice and secured...
JC: Dude, Lance, calm down, do you mind if we call you Lance? We're not Satanists, we promise.
Lance: Huh...? Really? Promise? 'Cause if you aren't, I take back what I said about the poofoo.
The guys disengage themselves.
Lance: So...how is it that you have a talking dog?
Chris: Hey man, it's the nineties, talking horses are just so passe.
Busta: I have been given the gift of talking to implement my duty to seek out those who have the power to fight for our cause.
Lance: Cause?
At that moment, a tall figure in a dark suit burst through the wall.
Lance: Whoa!
Busta: A soldier!
Chris: Oh, not again. You'd swear that there's something horribly repetitive about this fanfic.
Soldier: We have heard that there was an audition going on. An audition involving a strong talent...you won't mind if we take that talent, will you?
Lance: What!?
Busta: You're not going to get it that easily, soldier.
Soldier: Aren't I?
Suddenly, from behind the figure stepped out two more soldiers.
Busta: Oh monkeys.
JC: Now would be a good time to transform!
Busta: Right. And please, no complaining about the phrase this time?
Justin: Now why would we want to do that? Just because "get down" is the lamest term I've ever heard in a long history of lame terms I've heard, why would we possibly complain!?
JC: Let's just do it!
Justin/Chris/Joey/JC: *NSYNC Star Power, Get Down!
Shouting thus into their transformation microphones, the four men go through their respective transformations into their suped up forms.
Soldier#1: So! You are the ones who have been interfering with our plans. You will do so no longer!
Saying thus, the three men transform into the mini Godzilla wannabes.
Lance: Oh man, you guys promised that you weren't Satanists! You promised!
*Joey: Relax, we're the good guys! Maybe you can tell by the fact that they're ugly and scaly while we're all relatively good-looking.
Lance: Hey, I'd never judge people by their appearances.
Annoyed, the second creature kicked Lance in the stomach and sent him flying into a wall.
Busta: Lance!
Soldier#2: What insignificance.
Soldier#3: Foolish mammals, do you honestly think that you can defeat us!?
*JC: Actually, yes. *NSYNC Spasmic Lightning!
*Chris: *NSYNC Lunatic Storm!
The two devastating attacks launched past the first two soldiers and struck the third one directly, destroying it on impact. Furious, Soldier#2 swung his huge arms around and slammed *JC into *Chris. Unbalked, the duo immediately regained their balance, lept forward, and delivered several swift blows to the opposing soldier.
*Chris: Now!
*Justin: *NSYNC Tearing Frostbite!
*Joey: *NSYNC Burning Light!
The two forces of fire and ice engulfed the soldier and exploded it in a huge blast of light.
*JC: Alright, it's four on one, you don't stand a chance. Back off now and you'll go unharmed.
The remaining soldier just stood there, looking unfazed.
Soldier: Fools, all of you. Do you honestly believe that your small group of insurrectionists is enough to destroy us, the Corpulence? We have been and always will be. We are that portion of your soul that is tainted, that is dark. You cannot feel it, but it is always there, and there is no way to eliminate it. You enjoy it. You revel in it. It gives you strength. Why fight it? Join us and you will be free. Oppose us and...
*Joey: And what?
As a response, the soldier opened its horrendous maw and shot out thousands of droplets of acid towards the guys, who immediately dropped to the floor.
*Justin: AAARG! I...can't...move...
*Chris: What the fu...
Soldier: ...And you will know the worthlessness and pointlessness of your cause.
It was at that moment that a figure jumped onto the creature's back, clutching back at its neck with his arms.
Lance: Shut! Up! I don't think that fighting against our own corruption and darkness is worthless or pointless!
Soldier: Insignificant insect!
The soldier pulled Lance from off its back and threw him once again into the wall.
Busta: Lance! You can't fight him like this!
Busta then jumped up into the air, made a spin, and, as if by magic, produced a golden microphone which dropped into Lance's hand.
Busta: Now shout these words into your microphone: "*NSYNC Star Power Get Down."
Lance: Alright!
Busta: Wait, you don't have anything against "get down?"
Lance: Why would I? It's a really cool phrase.
*Justin: !?!?
*Chris: !?!?
*Joey: !?!?
*JC: !?!?
Busta: Finally! Someone sane!
Lance: *NSYNC Star Power, Get Down!
Golden light suddenly shot upwards from the earth and surrounded Lance in a spherical formation. After a moment, the light expanded and burst, revealing this figure.
Cue tunes of "Giddyup"(What else?:))
*Lance: Wowa. What a rush.
Soldier: Another insignificant creature to crush. Your insignificant struggles are for naught!
*Lance: Can you please stop it with the insignificant? My poofoo and I are very sensitive and you're not doing much for our self-esteem.
*Joey: What's this poofoo thing? Is it edible?
Soldier: How is it that you are so reckless in the face of imminent death!?
*Lance: 'Cause I'm from Mississippi! *NSYNC Deep Seismoburst!
*Lance then slammed his fists fiercely into the ground, causing rivulets of energy to explode from the shuddering earth and slamming into the soldier.
Soldier: AAAAAAARRRRGG!!!
Suddenly the entire foundation on which the soldier was standing on toppled over and buried the creature alive.
*Lance: Again, wowa.
Busta: Good job *Lance!
*JC: Yeah, with you on our side there's no way we can ever lose!
*Lance: I don't know, guys, it seems like pretty heavy stuff...I'm not sure if I want in at all.
*Chris: What!? C'mon Lance, this could be the biggest thing to happen to you!
*Justin: Think of all the good you can do for people and yourselves!
*Lance: Well...
*Joey: There's gonna be a lotta ladies who are gonna be sad if you're not with us!
Yeah c'mon Lance, if you're not in here there's no place I can take this fanfic!
*Lance: Oh what the hey, I was just kidding. I'm in with you guys all the way.
Busta: He<< yes! Now we've got all the members!
Chapter 5: "The I in *NSYNC"
(Or lack thereof)
