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A Day in the Life of Lance Bass
One day, Lance Bass woke up and decided that he wanted to go to outer space. So he went and built himself a spaceship: The Basstro-2000!
Lance was very excited and immediately blasted off in the Basstro-2000.
He flew across the galaxy on his new spaceship and saw many strange and wondrous things.
Suddenly however, Lance felt a huge impact upon the side of the Basstro-2000, as if the ship had collided with a huge asteroid or missile.
The Basstro-2000 spiraled wildly out of control and crash landed on an unknown planet.
Lance got out of the damaged ship and looked around, wondering what strange planet he had gotten stuck on. Luckily, there was someone nearby to help!
It was Queen Natalie Portman! Though Lance was fully sexful and filled with juicy booty in his own right, he still found himself at a loss for words in this moment.
"O great space explorer! We are in desperate need of your aid," the Queen implored. "Our planet has been taken over by clones. Our only hope is for someone as cool as you to save us! Here, take this lightsaber," she said as she gave him the brilliant weapon, "I hope it will help you in your quest. Our lives are in your hands, Mr. Spaceman."
"I'm deeply sorry Your Majesty," Lance said honestly and apologetically, "But I have not heard a single word you said thus far. I've been too busy staring at your buns."
"Oh these?" she said, cupping them in her hands, "They aren't real."
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah. I take them off and get different ones every day."
Taking the lightsaber in his hands, Lance headed off to the factory where the clones were being made. What he saw there shocked him to no ends.
They were making Jacob Underwood clones in this factory! Masses and masses upon masses of Jacob Underwoods. No wonder this planet was in danger, Lance thought bitterly.
But he had no time to reflect upon that idea, for the Jacob Underwood clones had noticed him and were beginning to advance on him, intent on mayhem. Lance tried whacking them with his lightsaber, but it seemed to have no effect.
Just when things couldn't seem to get any worse, the Jacob Underwoods began an even more terrifying and horrendous assault upon Lance.
Yes, it's true. They began to unleash the legendary Dark Creature growing on top of their heads onto him.
"Aaaaaiiiieee!" said Lance.
Lance was certain that all was lost, when at that instant the sounds of a revved engine bursted into the room.
It was Justin Timberlake, riding into the scene on his ghetto ride, knocking aside the unghetto clones.
"Justin! What are you doing here?"
"Well, it doesn't seem as if I've been doing anything at all recently, and that is unacceptable. So because I'm very very important I decided to ride in here to be heroic and important. I mean come on, how could you ever get more attention than me!? Ya know what I'm sayin'? Word? Yo?"
"Not really."
"Anyways, chop off the clones' Dark Crea...I mean, chop off their hair! They will lose all their power that way."
"How do you know this?" Lance asked, bewildered.
"Who do you think was the original host?"
Lance decided not to press the case. Letting loose with a fierce war cry, Lance went forth and unleashed 23 years of pent-up unstoppable Poofu fury upon the clones.
It worked! Using his amazing lightsaber skills, Lance shaved clean the hair of all the Jacob Underwood clones, rendering them powerless and helpless, twitching on the floor.
"Wow! Wasn't that cool? Justin, did you see what I did? Justin?"
"Um...sorry Justin. It'll grow back, right?"
Before Justin could properly and irreparably mutilate Lance however, a side door opened and out stepped the culprit behind all of this.
"Joey!?" Lance cried out in shock. "You're the one who did all of this?"
"Yup," Joey said, "It was I who created the clones and it was I who damaged your spaceship."
"But why?"
"Don't you see? The website has been crapping for months. Nothing has worked to bring it back onto its feet. If this comic parody, the most extensive piece of humor that we've had in ages, comes into being...it might just be the one thing that could save this site."
Lance scratched himself. "But isn't that a great thing?"
"No!" Joey howled plaintively. "I've been the webmaster's favorite forever...I've been the sole backbone supporting this site for so long..if this page is completed, it'll all be Lance's work! Lance will become the favorite and Lance will get all the credit. Lance will be the representative of the site. And I'll be nothing but a sidekick once more..." he sobbed in agony.
"Joey, how could you?" Lance shook his head sadly. "We'd expect something like this out of Justin, I mean he's all egotistical and attention-starved and neurotic and all that..."
"I'm still standing right here you know."
"...but you, Joey?"
"Easy for you to say," Joey shot back. "You were always the top dog. But I'm not gonna be your b**ch anymore. From now on I'm the moviestar!" With that he whipped out his curved weapen, pulsing red, with an impressive length to boot.
"Whatever, you'll be stuck doing five-minute cameos in indy flicks for the rest of your life," Lance said, whipping out his steel-hard equipment as well.
"Well you'd better bring it," Joey sneered.
"Oh it has already been broughten!" Lance snarled back.
"Go Lance!" Justin said, sitting at the side with a can of root beer. "Do your thang! Hit him now! No wait, pull back...hit now...okay wait, move to the right, move to the...NO! Lance, hit his...okay okay...put your weight into it! It's all in the wris...okay Lance, that's really wrong."
"Stop. Speaking." Lance said tightly.
"Can't you just use the Force or something?"
"I don't have the Force! I'm not big enough of a dork!"
"Yes you are," Justin and Joey said at the same time.
"Clear your mind must be, if you are to discover the secrets of the dark side, young fish." a bizarre voice said.
"What? Who are you?" Lance looked around, and what he saw amazed him. It was a very odd alien creature that was very short and very old and had huge pointy ears and spoke very very strangely.
"Chris?"
"Chris I am," the old master agreed, "More wise and knowledged in the Force am I than you, fishy-fishy."
"He's an even bigger dork," Justin and Joey translated.
"What do you mean?" Lance asked.
"Your mind follow, clear be must it, the upon fabrics and light of very the dark and side meditate the."
"Okay, now you're just high."
"Enough," Joey said, "Get out of our way old man!"
"Old am I, hmm?" Chris smirked, "Under control not one the mind am of a I instrument your dark the has corrupted which but."
"Can I kill him now?" Joey asked.
"Yes," Lance and Justin said at the same time.
But then the old master did something no one expected. He stepped over to Joey's boombox, then..
"Wha...what's going on?" Joey said, blinking several times, "Where am I?"
"You don't remember anything?" Lance asked.
"Actually no, actually."
"Yup, he's back."
Justin snapped his fingers. "Now I understand. He got possessed by listening to P. Diddy."
"Really?"
"Happens to me all the time."
"Known this you would have, if only you were cool as me," Chris remarked.
"Let's kill him now." Lance said.
But before they could do so, a familiar face crashed in from the ceiling riding on Toro, the flying mechanical bull.
"JC? What are you doing here?"
"I came to give you all a ride home, of course."
"Moo," Toro said.
"Where have you been?"
"I'd tell y'all but it'd make more sense to save the tale of my adventures for the next chapter and make all the viewers wait ages, wouldn't it?"
"This isn't fair," Lance whined, "This was supposed to be my story and my adventure, and every one of you just keeps crashing in and stealing my show."
"Sucks to be you," Joey Justin Chris and JC said at the same time.
And with that, all five members of *NSYNC blasted off together on the mechanical bulls that JC brought for everyone and flied back to Earth, eager for another day's worth of adventure and wacky fun.
Go back...but stay tuned