"Oooh, Joey...it's...it's too big..." she moaned.
"Shh," he whispered gently, "Just relax and let me lead..."
She braced herself against his firm body as his hands explored every gentle crevice, every smooth extension of her frame, stopping only to make sure she was totally comfortable. The kitchen sink was a convenient place for some things, not for others.
"Are you..." Joey spoke, his lips mere inches from hers, "Are you ready for me to...?"
"YES!" She gasped, "Oh Joey do it quick? Don't stop!"
"Oh," he smiled cruelly, "But I plan on taking my time..."
"Oh Joey you're the best, the absolute best...Joey...Joey..."
"...Joey. Joey! JOEY!"
"...and the next time you wake me from a dream, Steve, you die."
Joey Fatone sat up in his bed, not quite ready to take on the world yet. The fact that his brother was filming his sleep wasn't a big plus, either.
Joey sighed. He needed more solos, that's what he needed. Everyone else had either great solos or a great Adam's apple. Well, he was determined to make that happen.
So, armed with a bag of chips and the will to make himself bigger than he already was, Joey stepped out into the world.
The first person Joey met was his old friend Christopher Kirkpatrick, out walking his dawg.
"Yo Joey, how's it shakin'?" Chris said.
"Not very well, I'm afraid. I woke up today realizing that my solo in Blaque's new song is so much shorter than JC's, so I'm gonna go sing a longer one." Which was as close to the truth as Joey was willing to allow. After all, Chris had more solos than Joey too.
"It doesn't even sound like you," agreed Chris.
Suddenly, off in the distance, a dischordant scream is heard. Joey's eyes lit up.
"Some homies in distress!" Spotting a telephone booth nearby, Joey rushed into it. "This is a job for..."
Finally...
And Superjoey flew off, accidentally crashed into Michael J. Fox in his time machine, got up again, and flew off to save the day.
Upon reaching the scene, Superjoey saw that his friends Justin and Britney were being chased by a hoarde of vicious lipgloss-wielding teenies.
"Halt! In the name of cheese!" All eyes turned to the figure flying down towards them.
"Hooray!" shouted Justin and Britney.
Possessing the strength and intelligence of a hundred boyband members, Superjoey whipped out from behind his cape a picture of a fourteen-year-old Taylor Hanson.
"NOOOOOOOO...!" Screamed the teenyboppers. The supreme unmanliness of this Hanson bro drained the lifeforce from them and they collapsed to the floor, twitching.
"Thank you Superjoey!" said Justin and Britney.
"No problem! I actually wanted to do that a long time ago, actually," said Superjoey. He was pleased that he had earned the respect of two more people. Then, seeing Kim Smith off in the distance, he flew off, determined to impress her.
"A puppet bomb!" Superjoey exclaimed, "But who would lay such a trap for me!?"
"Alas, it is I!"
Superjoey stared in surprise, for he looked onto the face of his known arch-nemesis, Lex Lou-thor! The only one vile and treacherous enough to concoct a plan so vile and treacherous, for after all who but he hath unleashed the evil known as Liquid Dreams.
Superjoey thought fast. There was only one way to best Lex Lou-thor at his own game...and so Superjoey tranformed into his other alter ego:
In a matter of millimoments, Chef Joe has prepared a fine and irresistble meal for Lou-thor. Unable to resist the temptations of Joe food, Lou-thro greedily goobled up what sustenance was available. And so Lou-thor ate...
And ate...
And ate...
And ate...
And ate...
Until he exploded.
Okay, he didn't really explode, but it was the thought that counted. Still, Lou-thor is going to need some time to regain his footing after putting on even more pounds than he already has(Joey shuddered at the thought), and will be harmless for the time being.
"Joey! You have to help me, Kathy Griffin is after me and I think she wants to drill me through with her nipples!"
"...Lance I think she has another type of drilling in mind, but that's okay, you're young and innocent, you don't have to understand."
"What?"
"Nevermind, just listen..."
At that second Kathy rounded the corner, heat seeking rays active.
"Where's my Lancey-poo! Where's my Lancey-poo!
But what awaited her...
Unable to tell one from the other, Kathy's brain imploded even more so from the absolute paradoxical idea that a boyband might actually have more than two blonde members at the same time.
(And yes, that is how Joey ended up with the hair)
The Lanstenator thanked Joey and invited Joey to star in a movie with him. Joey agreed, "As long as there are no fat Greeks involved."
"What?"
"Nevermind, you're young and innocent, you don't have to understand."
Going on, Joey met another friend, known as Shasay. He looked sick.
"What's wrong, Shasay?"
"Well, I don't know why, but I just woke up in the hospital today, they say I've been exposed to some harmful materials, or something..."
"What's with the hat?"
"They had to put me on electrotherapy. My head's kinda freaky right now."
"Really? Let me see!"
"Okay..."
"...Uh, gee, um, I have to go now...I just remembered something really important I have to toaster, I mean do, um, yeah, that's it..."
"What? Joe what's wrong? Wait up!"
"Um that's okay, you just go on home and fry...I mean rest. I'll just be on my way..."
And so Joey left, leaving Side Show Bob...I mean Shasay confused.
Joey happened upon a large crowd of people. They seemed to having a celebration of some sort.
Joey noticed an object flying towards him...
Suddenly...
"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"(Said Joey)
"YAAAAAAAY! Joey Fatone won the Superbowl!"
"Huh?"
"GO JOEEEEEEY!"
Before he knew it he was lifted above the crowd.
"Uh, gee...thanks?
"Joey Phatone rocks!"
"Well, that's true..."
"Long live Joey Phatone!"
"Right...!"
"Joey Phatone shall rule the world!"
"Okay, now this is just getting scary."
And then the fireworks came...
