Church Report 08/18/03

 

Well it was good to be back in Church once again, after such a long wait I was sure that the attendance and energy of the Church’s members would be astounding. Unfortunately I was sadly mistaken, even with the extreme privilege of having a live band for the very first time in Church; attendance was horrid!

 

Attending Members 08/18/03                     Non Members Attending

Corpsgrinder Shitson                                               Fagan Henry

Hoe Indo                                                                Erikwhore Fini

Chuck Heap

Crap

Dan Hoden

Gal Booze

Phatdrew Booze

John Dykert

Alex Cockske

Jason Voorhees

Joe Kinzer (new member)

 

Now you have to understand, Hoe, Alex C. and John were all playing in the band; which by the way did a head bangingly good job with titles such as Puritania by Dimmu Borgir, Raining Blood by Slayer and Master of Puppets by Metallica. As well as allowing anyone who felt the need to take the mic and trash sing along with the band was allowed. Corpsegrinder, Erikwhore, Voorhees and  uhh I think that’s it took advantage of this. An all out good show 7/10 for the bands performance.

 

 The main people that were busting skulls in the pit were Mr. Corpsegrinder, Mr. Heap and Mr. Kinzer. Occasionally Dan and Crap would come in with a burst of energy but were immediately dismantled and sent back to the sidelines. Phatdrew and Gal both made good appearances, but Phatdrew was also manning the camera and Gal had to leave because of a possible broken arm. So unfortunately a lot of the times it was just 3 in the pit, Corpsegrinder and Mr. Heap ganging up on the giant Joe Kinzer.

 

Despite the heat 95-100 degrees outside, Church still lasted a good 45 minutes. Now moving on the to the skipping members who promised would be there but decided not to come anyway like the flaming homosexuals they are. Mike Sandry, Fat James, Phat Bonerham and Jeff W. aka Buck! These people will be hunted down and given a severe beat down by all full time attending members, no excuses will be accepted, blood will be spilt (probably mine) but some of there’s as well. Sadly Pimpric also did not show, so there was no security at hand, but hey Pimpric can do what he wants, I don’t want a beat down here…

 

So in final regards, despite the low attendance and extreme heat I still give this church a 4.9/10 where the people who were there had extreme energy and gave it there all. Plus I’ll be increasing the score by one point, thanks to the band’s great performance.

Final Score 5.9/10

                                                                                   -Chuck Heap