----Craig Kilborn

Q. Dont you have anything better to do than make web sites for people who probably never want to see each other again?

A. Well no actually I dont. After several years of living with my parents and working as a clerk at F Street Adult Books Im currently dreaming of getting a position with the Backstreet Boys.

Q. Ive heard that Coronado has really changed a lot. Is it true the Hotel Del was replaced by a modern resort?

A. Er, yea. And the bridge was blockaded and mined like that scene in Escape from New York.

Q. I found your web site to be a fine example of artistic creativity and cutting edge technical design. I wonder if you could tell me if I should upgrade to Windows 98. Also, how do I get the clock on my VCR to stop blinking?

A. Beats me buddy. Im the kinda guy who sets the copy machine at the office to: enlarge 200%, DARK, 80 copies, 11x17 paper, and then leaves it for some unsuspecting secretary. Take your personal problems to a cyber shrink.

Q. Hey I remember you, do you still dress like a dork?

A. Well no. But I do continue to be sensitive to minute variations in air temperature often requiring me to wear a "Members Only" jacket. But I can see you aren't really concerned about my welfare. If you want to know what happens to rude nimrods that lack sensitivity to other peoples personal issues, pick up a copy of Mickey Spillane's I the Jury. You'll get the idea.

Q. I'd like to suggest you have different sections on the site to highlight different campus organizations. The alumni association has a separate section just for band members, why cant you?

A. Well because us real men were busy down on the field in shoulder pads trying to move a one foot stuffed pigskin 70 yards against opponents that made it all look like a rerun of bambi meets godzilla. A Band page?!? Think about it, you dont see any tuba statues at the Vietnam memorial now do you.

Q. This FAQ list is really lame. In fact, I think the humor is kind of "fruity". When was the last time you danced the YMCA?

A. I regret I cannot comment on my YMCA dancing do to my pending application with the
US Navy.

Webmasters note: I would like to apologize for the stereotypical, demeaning, and culturally insensitive tone of the last joke. Particularly because I just picked up a copy of Mickey Spillane's I the Jury.

Q. Jee wiz, when did you get to be such a smart ass?

A. I think what you're seeing is an online persona exacerbated by low self esteem. In such a situation the central ego engages in defensive splitting associating an idealized psychic object with the maternal presence, however in the absence of reciprocal attachment the developing personality regresses to schizoid features. When activated by external stressors, libidinal urges then mix with repressed memories thus creating a cocktail even more frightening than the fabled funky cold medina.

Ive also been to recently been to France.

Q. No doubt unlike most of my former classmates I've become rich and powerful after graduating law school and marrying an anesthesiaologist. How much do I have to donate to get the library named after me?

A. Yea right! We know you're writing that letter from prison. Get out of your pink tutu and get to shop class you hoser while there's still time to make something of yourself. And before you hit the reunion you better have 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' memorized cuz we're weighing people in at the door and you gotta be "fine" to get in to the bar. Tattoos optional.

Q. Im shocked by the whole situation in Kosovo on t.v. Couldn't our class do a fundraiser or something to help those people?

A. Look sweetie, dealing with genocide is a lot like farting in an elevator. Sure everybody knows who's doing it, but most people are just gonna keep standing there starring straight ahead no matter how bad the stink gets. My advice: pick up a couple AK-47s mail order off the the NRA web site (mention Liddleton for a student discount) and have them shipped over. Just get the package insured cuz UPS trucks look surprisingly like Russian Tanks from 10,000 feet.

Q. Hey! That last joke was over the top. Who do you think you are, Dennis Leary or something?

A. Not unlike your nerves, modern humor is called "Edgy". You want cutesy "red neck" jokes, then move to Tennessee.