From “El Goonish Shive”, by Dan Shive

Catchphrases:
“Hey, is that a demonic duck of some sort?”
“Read, or the Owl will Eat You.”

Captions, Narration, and Titles:

Captions and Narration:
“Overly descriptive narration is your friend.”
“Badass hair flowing in the wind effect with no wind is your friend.”
“INCONVENIENT CUT SCENE!”
“Still not actually happening.”
“And So the Mighty Greg pressed Play.”
“Unexpectedly, the behemoth spoke, though the voice came not from any of its' many mouths.”

Titles:
“On Strike; No Title for You!”
“Tedd No Make Goo Live?”
"Yeah... M'kay?"
"Technically I Could of Shown 'More' of Grace, But She's All Covered With Fur Anyway So it Really Doesn't Matter. And Yet I Feel The Need to Cover the Chest That's Already Covered With Fur? Is that Odd? Or Do You Just Think I Couldn't Come up With a Decent Title?"
“If you Were to Ask, She Would Say You Already Know Her.”
“This wouldn't be true, but she would not be lying.”
“She is someone who should not exist, and yet she now does.”
“She Never Had Anything, and Yet She's Lost Everything.”
"Super Magical Angel/Devil Comic Meant to Distract People From the Fact that I'm Going to Switch From a Daily Schedule to a 3-Times a Week Plus Potential Sunday Filler Schedule That Would Probably be More Effective if Not For This Title"
“Failed Attempt at Trouble”
"You look in the mirror, but someone else looks back. You remember a life you never had, one that cannot be yours. You are the piece that does not fit, you don't belong in this game. The board has been knocked over, you shall be swept away..."
“Highly Skilled at Not Giving a Crap”
“Who Will Break the Good News?”
“A Desperate Cry for Help While Giddy as a School Girl.”
"Nanase: Scantily Clad for Hire" OR "Justin's Frustration" OR PERHAPS "Justin's Cat Out of the Bag" OR MAYBE "Dan Couldn't Decide on a Title"”
“Elliot's Super Happy Table of Sharing”
“Mourn the Loss of Tedd's Soda”
“Hedge: Master of the Anti-Climactic Moment”
“When in Doubt, Swat Ponytail.”
“Proof That One Can Lie, And Still be Telling the Truth.”
“The Light of Truth Shines Too Brightly, and Shadows Provide False Shelter.”
“Never Try to Outrun a Hedgehog.”
“A-a-and I've lost it”
“I Love Things that Logically Never Should Have Been Made Being Put to Good Use”
“Curse this Suspenseful Suspense!”
“Suspension of Disbelief #967--Being Morphed by a Beam of Energy Is Good For You”
"Sarah's Gonna be the Best Darned Boyfriend She can be!"
“The Nerve of Her Being Likeable!”
“Detective Jeremy McSniffs Solves Yet Another Mystery!”
“Creepy Little Children Are Always So Helpful”
“Vivid Visions of Girl-on-Girl Sleepery”
"Stupid Stinky Scene-Stealing Socks"
“Yay For Bricks”
"The Raven Soars Above the Valley"
"Why the Raven Has Perched"
"You Mess With the Raven, You Get the Beak"

Chapter Titles for “Sister”:
"Open The Box"
"Read The Rules"
"Set up the Pieces"
"Play the Game"
“Knock the Board Over”
“Scattered Pieces”
“Fist Fight”
“Clean Up”

Character Quote Collections:

Chaos:
“An egg frell from his nest. He had no place to land. I caught him in my wings. His new nest is unseen. ”
“I am here with warning. This bird will be a hawk. You are all now little mice. I know now who would win. That is no fun for me. Grow strong and be a hawk. Make the outcome have doubt. Entertain me.”
“So the spoiled princess wants to be saved by the noble plumber. How can I resist her charms?”
“You are in need of two who are divided. One is watched. Follow the remainder.”
“I'm bored.”

Dan:
“Of course! It's all part of my master plan, you see! First, I establish an alternative drawing style that's faster, and easier to draw! Then, if I need to throw together a quick filler, I can do so easily! In addition, the simple style of the drawings will hypnotize the readers into wanting to buy El Goonish Shive T-shirts, making me a millionaire, thus allowing the initiation of Phase II of my evil scheme! Phase II being, of course, the purchase of a new hat. Any questions?”
“Bravely run away!”
(On his 21^st birthday) “Today I am a man! You know, as opposed to other days...”
“THE SPINE IS EVIL!”
"The slightest opening for confusion will inevitably let in a breeze. "
“MODEL SHEETS! YAY!”

Demonic Duck
“I feel so used...”
“Everywhere I go, I get used as a distraction...”
“I am such a tool.”
“So, what, this a party? Cool.”
“Duck senses... tingling!”

Ellen:
“Sorry, but it's kinda hard to frighten the dead.”
“Mmm... Tedd...”
“Oh dear God... I'm thinking like a Tedd!”
“Raise shields! Arm the 'Ewoks' with phasers! Unleash the fully-functional 'C3PO's'! Muh-ha hahahaha!!!!”
(playing with Nanase's hair) "My bunny!"
“Mom told me to wake you. She was unspecific as to how.”
"Magnet!"
"Elliot? Are you a girl in there? I could've sworn I heard myself yell."

Elliot:
“Za?”
“Nothing can penetrate the coat of solitude.”
(As a girl) "What?! I am not attracted to guys! I mean, you're a guy and I'm not -- " (Tedd takes off glasses. Elliot stares at Tedd for a moment.) "Put the glasses back on, keep the on, and let us never speak of this again..."
“Then it sucks to be me.”
(As a cat-boy) “Ok, I need an aspirin, a ball of yarn, and thirty-seven pounds of catnip, stat!”
(As a cat-boy) “Meow! I mean, um, hello?”
“Sense has no place within these walls.”
“I'M TOO YOUNG AND TOO MALE TO BE THE MOTHER OF A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD FEMALE ME!!!”

Grace:
“Yay catnip! ...what's catnip?”
“What I want to know is what is so wrong with my body that nobody wants to see it?”
“When in doubt, go squirrel...”
“If you get to be naked, I get to be naked. It's only fair!”
“Talk to the shirt.”
“Do or do not; there is not spoon.”
“Can't talk... fighting... Giga Turtle... thank you... so much... for... cake!”
“Presenting... Manase! Er, I mean, Man-Nanase!”
“Singing well is nothing compared to the liberation of heart and soul that is karaoke!” (holds up manual) “That's what it says in the instructions, anyway.” (points to picture in manual) “Hey, look! A singing fish!”
“And I'm happy if you are! INFINITE HAPPINESS LOOP!”
"Just like Elliot and Ellen when Elliot is girlified."
"I've gotten good at analyzing physical structures."
As School Bell rings: "Aah! What's that mean? Are we under attack?"
"World War II?! How many have we had?!

Sensei Greg:
“Hour one of Operation: 'Hide in Bushes'. Current status? All good.”
“Alas it is my greatest of shames as an anime martial arts master that I am not an old man or a pervert!”
"Remember! Always listen to random intuition! It just might be the convenient plot device that saves your butt!"

Justin:
"And so these nine would form the Fellowship, who would be charged with the task of destroying the One Ring. Along the way they will face peril, and meet many, many handsome Elves."
“You've trespassed in my soul, bitch!”
On Nirvana: "I'm sure I'm not the first to point this out, but how can I reach a state free of desire when the state itself is something that I desire?"
“It was cleverly hiding in plain sight.”

Nanase:
"Oh... Yay... It's up to me to keep Ellen from going totally insane... Yee..."
“That is not true! I do not rant wildly! If I rant, I do so with good reason! Like that time after I skipped lunch when they showed that movie on igneous rocks in chemistry class? I had every reason to rant! Why would you schedule such a boring movie right after a lunch period, and why would you show a movie about rocks in a chemistry class?! Maybe it had a point. I don’t know. I fell asleep. But still, it seemed really out of place to me. I think…”
“Oh... snap.”

Mr. Raven:
“OBJECTION!”
“You are a LIAR!”
“Objection... withdrawn.”
“Oh, don't mind me. Didn't get enough sleep last night. Low blood sugar. Bit my tongue. Cut off in traffic. You know how it is.”
“You saw it! You all saw it!”
“There is nothing 'cool' about improper grammar.”

Sarah:
"Well, you know how it is; sometimes you just have to have an ice cream sundae."
“NO! I WILL NOT BE STOPPED BY RANDOM NUDITY!”
"Well, I've never been a boyfriend before! I don't know what kind I would be!" (said in a school hallway with at least one bystander staring)
“Aren't I cute when I'm helpful?”
“...And the scales tip.”
“That cake was gorge-yourself good!”

Susan:
“This techno-babble-infested novel will serve me well.”
“No fair! I have a handicat!”

Tedd:
"Um Teach? Our goo kinda came to life and slithered away... Is that bad?"
“...And that, my friend, is how I saved Christmas.”
“Wait a second... Oh crap, I'm not wearing my glasses... Uh... Oh no! I'm... blind?”
“Why father, I have been in this bathroom all along and not sleeping with the squirrel girl as previously suggested.”
“I have bows in my hair and nobody objects!”
“Meow-choo!!!”
“You are wondering what I am doing. That is understandable. And the answer? That is simple. You see, after many minutes of experimentation over several days, success is within my grasp! With the flip of this switch, I shall achieve free, portable energy from the very curvature of space!” (Tedd flips a switch, but nothing happens. Elliot attempts to speak) “Quiet! I think I saw the light flicker!”

Mr. Verres:
“Well, a jolly-good hello to you to, son.”
“So you see, my lad, the true moral behind the battle of Trenton is that if you party too hearty, George Washington will kick your ass. Any questions?”
“I hope the answer is no, but are you Tedd?”
"I am an endless barrel of exposition!"

Misc Characters Quotes:

“EVERYBODY RUN AROUND IN A DANGEROUS PANIC, QUICK!!!” -- random schoolgirl.

“Target has fled. Proceeding with a prepared set of curse words in order to simulate anger. Damn. Crap. F--” -- Omega Goo Monster

“Ak! Da Playah been played!” -- Da Playah

(Referring to Elliot's manhood) "Sounds like you lost it again. You need to learn to keep better track of your things, Elliot." - Mr. Dunkel

“Oh, gingersnaps!” -- Mellisa

"And so, Susan joined the party! The task of selecting a movie, however, had yet to reach a conclusion! Thus, Justin and Susan made their way towards the action movies, as Ellen followed Nanase to the new releases..." -- Mr. Tensaided, Video Store Manager

“Who is 'Timmy' and how did he wind up down a well?” -- Hedge

“IF I AM TRULY A GOD, THIS BODY DOESN'T MATTER. IF I AM MORTAL, LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING. EITHER WAY, I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!” -- Damien

“Stupid me-made technology!” -- Female Immortal

“Squee!” - Rhoda

“YOU JACKASSES!” - Catalina Bobcat

“It reeks of mystery!” - Mr. Alephnull

“We're, um... conducting official FBI business in this motel room! ...That we are only sharing for budget reasons. ...Yeah, budget reasons.” - Agent Wolf

“You will stop being creepy and weird this instant! Do you hear me?!” - Principal Washington

Conversations:

Elliot: “I suppose it was foolish of us to try to capture goo using nets...”
Tedd: “Blasphemy! We just need larger nets!”

Grace (curling around Tedd): “Stay.”
Tedd: “...That also works...”

Grace: “We have towels!”
Tedd: “Yes, towels for all!”

Susan: “Naked Fridays? Yeesh. I'm sure your girlfriend would appreciate that idea.”
Tedd: “Actually, that was her idea. God, I love that woman…”

(Note: Grace has taken the form of Tedd)
Tony: "You here with your boyfriend, woman?"
"Tedd": "You know it!"
Tony: "Don't try to deny -- Wait, what?!?!"
"Tedd": "Oh, wait... I'm the boyfriend tonight... My bad."

Playah: “Um, sir? Your popcorn is ready.”
Hedge: “Kick ass.”

Nanase: “Perhaps Susan can explain why she's suddenly blonde?”
Susan: “What's to explain? My hair changed color. It happens!”
Nanase: “Hair doesn't just spontaneously change color!”
Susan: “I stand by my ridiculous claim.”

William: “I think we blew his mind.”
Gillian: “Tedd would be proud.”

William: “Hmmm... Should we just tell him?”
Gillian: “Why wouldn't we tell him?”
William: “I'm not saying we shouldn't; I'm just asking if we should give a straightforward answer, or describe the events leading up to the answer in more detail than truly necessary.”

Elliot: "Sounds mysterious."
Tedd: "Like a mystery."
Elliot: "Or a soap opera."
Tedd: "With soap!"

Elliot: You know, technically, if you got into the closet with her [Nanase], that would suggest you' be hiding your interest with girls as well.
Ellen: Given that I'd be in the closet with another girl, I don't think I'd be doing a very good job.

Mr. Verres: (thinking) “Wait a minute... Did I actually agree to buy pizza for eight teenagers?!” (out loud) “NOOOOO~!!!”
Scientist: You disagree with my findings?
Mr. Verres: No, no, that cry of anguish was completely unrelated. Please, continue.

Minion: “Have you no shame?”
Dan: “Sha- what?”

Sarah: “What kind of a girlfriend are you?”
Elliot: “The guy kind?”

Elliot: "Why would being female make you better at cooking?!"
Tedd: "Because I'm hot."

Overheard by the Pizza Delivery Boy:
Male Voice 1 (Susan): "Nanase, they are flimsy flaps of fabric with big gaping holes at the bottom! Men just want us to wear skirts for sexual reasons!"
Male Voice 2 (Nanase): "Maybe you shouldn't have to wear them, Susan, but there is is nothing wrong with skirts! I wear them all the time!"

Agent Wolf: “Agent Verres, do you recall the incident with the trans-dimensional walrus?”
Mr. Verres: “No, Agent Wolf, I have somehow forgotten that there was a dimension-hopping walrus.”
Agent Wolf: “Right, well, there was this dimension-hopping walrus...”

Catalina: “FACIST-MUSTASHED-GRAPEFRUIT-SHAPED-DICTATOR-JACKASS!”
Principal: “...What did you say?”
Catalina: “I said, 'Yes, Mistah Pwincipul'.”
Principal: “Ah. Yes. Very good, then.”

Nanase: “'Sup, Jeremy?”
Jeremy: “Mereow?”
Nanase: “I hear that.”

Susan: “...I think you've injured my brain.”
Tedd: “Injured it with logic!”

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