Emilio's Letter to the Janitor
By Regalo3000
PG-13
Are you ready? Yes? Good. Now, to start ...
Letter to the janitor ... Allo, this is Lord John Whorfin writing as Dr. Emilio Lizardo and I'ma writing to you concerning the new conditions of my private toilet. Imma writing you this letter to aska why did you a come and clean? Why? The toilet was set uppa exactly like my throne room on Planet 10, but, you, being the human monkey-boy had to comma in and clean! Rats to you and your kind who canno a recognize a Lectroid Throne Room when he sees one! Again, rats to you!
And another thing, you musta leava my rats alone! These dirty little critters are my only companions on long dark nights, since I rarely get any visitors from those idiotic unfaithful scoundrels at YoYoDyne Propulsion Systems, who by the way seek to take over my throne! Not the one in my hospital room, but the one waiting for me on planet 10! I knowa you don't exactly believe there is a Planet 10, but at least you musta admit there are nine planets in this monkey-boy solar system, and that there might at least be the probability of a tenth planet. Now, thatsa not suggesting that the tenth planet is the actual Planet 10 which I comma from, but, you getta my point anyway, don't you?
You are not explaining it correctly, Emilio. Let me say a word.
No, you hadda better shut up, John Whorfin, you the craziest fella I never wanna know!
How dare you tell me to shut up! You calla yourself a scientist? I'va heard of ten year old monkey-boys with more knowledge than you, and I hear they got pimples too! Well, maybe that is the distinguishing characteristic of brains on this planet? I spit on your assumptions, for that is what they are, mere assumptions with no basis in any actual facts!
You are evil, John Whorfin, evil beyond evil, and you refuse to take a bath as well! When are you going to take a bath!
Baths are for monkey-boys!
No, baths are for people who wish to keep the good company of other people!
Hah ha ha ha ha!!
Laugha while you can!
Ha hah hah! Even I, who am not human, know better than to believe that you are the type people want to hang out with! I myself find you boring!
How dare a you!
Excuse me while I have a private conversation with Lord John Whorfin for a minute or two! We cannot keep doing this Lord Whorfin, we will continue to look weak in the eyes of the monkey-people! This madness as they so call it will only keep on convincing them that we need remain here among the criminally insane of this monkey-world. If you keepa on interrupting me like this they will never let us go!
Rats to you and your freedom! All you have to do is kill everyone that stands in your path, crush them like insects, and you will be free! But, you are such a coward, the likes of which I rarely see, even among the monkey-people! By the way, why hasn't Bucharoo Banzai visited you lately? It is because you are not interesting enough! Shut up! I must continue with my letter now.
Are you writing this down now? Good. Thatta issa what I'm paying you for! They said you wassa fast writer, so write, or I will string you up by your feet and hanga you out to dry, and you will notta like the view. Mamma mia, it's a five story drop!
Anyway, as I was saying ....
What the devil wassa I saying? Oh, yes, my toilet
... No ...
My throne, yes, that's it.
I will squash all you monkey-boys and then I will get my people out of the Eighth Dimension and we will return to Planet 10 using my overthruster and I will rule as Lord again! Hah hah ha ha ha ha!
I losta my train of thought!
End of letter. Thanka you! I said thanka you! Take your money and go! I said getta outta here! Give me that pen and paper! Get lost! Musta I fight with you! Come and take a away this crazy fellow! This Kinga Stephen guy, he no canna stoppa writing anna leave me alone !!!
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