By Regalo3000
So, the sticky stuff he was feeling with his right hand was ...??? and that awful smell assaulting his nostrils was ... ??? And that pounding in his head, you know, that drumming thump thump thump he was feeling, like a small man inside his head with a jackhammer was ... ??? Ah, it could only mean one thing ... New Year's was over ... and Perfect Tommy threw up again. But this time the vomit floated upwards and hung in the air like droplets of yellow and green liquid. Son of a -- he'd never seen puke do that before. He was lying in some bunk and there was some kind of milky silky screen obscuring his view. He reached out and tore open the screen and found himself to be looking into some kind of circular chasm where many more bunks were situated. He crawled out of his bunk and floated into the middle of the chasm.
Dammit, they got me again! said Perfect Tommy. Damn aliens.
Down at the very bottom was his Perfect White Cadillac. He tried to make swimming motions and it seemed to work but it was slow going, down, down, into his car, where he finally sat behind the wheel. When are they going to leave me alone? he wondered. How the hell did they find me again?
He looked up. There was a perfectly bright light high above the chasm. Then he saw them, small alien creatures crawling effortlessly down the sides of the chasm. No more anal probes, Perfect Tommy found himself shouting. I've seen this movie before, he said and leapt out of the car, floating towards a tunnel. When he reached it he tried to find a foothold but there was none. Nothing to grab onto either. And the things were getting closer.
Soon, they were upon him and he grabbed an object that was floating by to try and defend himself with. It was a box of band-aids. He ripped it open and tossed the band-aids at the aliens. You'll never get me, Perfect Tommy was screaming. Soo, they grabbed him and dragged him down the hall to a table, where they strapped him down and performed ... well ... need this writer mention the unmentionable???
It will soon be over, said a voice into his ear. Remember, said the voice. Then he was injected in his left arm.
Damn you, you rotten bastards! What's the fascination with my butt??? If you only had an explanation ...
Perfect Tommy awoke with a start. He was sitting behind the wheel of his car, and his butt ached like someone had shoved a cattle prod up there or had lit fireworks there.
Last time I go driving by myself, he said to himself.
Who said you're alone? said a female voice, and a beautiful blonde sat up in the back seat, smiling at him. That was some New Years Party. But what the hell happened to you? You went to take a leak in the woods and you didn't come back for hours. I fell asleep.
Who are you? he asked.
I'm Samantha, she said. And you're Perfect Tommy of the Hong Kong Cavaliers, and you can give me a kiss.
They kissed.
When they came up for air she said, It was nice bringing in 1985, wasn't it?
1985? Lady, we just brought in 2004.
What are you talking about? Are you crazy?
Let's find the nearest bar, you're going to need a lot more drinks before this day is through.
_______
Challenge
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