By Regalo3000
Rated PG-13
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Well, it had to happen sooner or later, said Buckaroo.
We should sue, said Reno.
We can't sue parodists, it won't look good, said New Jersey.
They were standing over a laptop computer in the bunkhouse looking at a website featuring a band that called themselves The Won Ton Souveniers. It's leader was a Buckaroo look-alike named Bickering Banshee. Then there was Imperfect Timmy, Old Jersey, Stinky Crusters, etc, etc.
Okay, said Buckaroo, they've gone and done the unthinkable, they've gotten themselves into a mess. They took our song "Nobody's Gonna Love You Like I Do" and turned it into "The Mongolian Stomp". Now, we all know Xan made the actual threat, that if we ever did a song about him hundreds of people were gonna die.
If I were Xan, my first target would be those kids.
Exactly what I'm thinking, said Buckaroo. So, we have to get to these kids and tell them to stop singing this song.
_______
Bickering Banshee laughed. Buckaroo, you think we're scared of this Xan? He laughed again. They were sitting in the band's headquarters, one of the members' garages getting ready for that night's gig.
Yes, I think you should be very afraid, said Buckaroo. There's no telling what this madman is capable of doing to you.
C'mon, said Imperfect Timmy, don't you think he would have sent us a warning?
Perfect Tommy said, The warning already came to us, we're relaying it to you.
Ooooooh, I'm scared, said Imperfect Timmy. And he struck a chord on his guitar that sounded menacing.
Look, we're not asking you to cancel the concert, okay? said New Jersey. Just this one song, it's dangerous.
Stinky Crusters spoke up, That MP3 is our best selling song on the net. The fans aren't gonna like it if we don't sing that song.
It was at that very moment that the garage was filled with bullets. Everyone dove to the floor. The barrage was over as quickly as it has begun, but, numerous instruments and amplifiers had been damaged.
Drive by shooting! Bickering Banshee was saying.
Does this happen often in this neighborhood? asked Banzai. Bickering did not answer. What if that was Xan sending you a little message?
I'm not convinced, said Bickering.
Think carefully about your lyrics, okay? said New Jersey. "Destiny we must meet, Xan we cannot defeat, so we kneel in his presence, to smell his stinky feet." This is not the type of material that would make him happy.
Old Jersey said, We're gonna sing that song come hell or highwater.
It's your funeral, said Buckaroo. C'mon, guys, let's go.
_______
IIIIIIII don't have underwear
and IIIIIIIII don't have friends who care
IIIIIIIIII don't have girls who stare
since I cheated on yooooouuuuu
Horrible horrible stuff, thought Slow Motion, but the audience was still getting a kick out of it. He was backstage at the Won Ton Souveniers concert. He had volunteered to keep an eye out for the kids. At this moment his eyes were scanning the audience's faces, there were nothing but pretty girls up front, all of them enraptured by the parody, most of them hoping to meet the band afterwards.
Then Imperfect Timmy shouted out, THIS ONE'S FOR UNCLE XAN, WHEREVER THAT POOR FOOL IS RIGHT NOW!!! And they began the musical introduction to Mongolian Stomp. The fan's began to go wild.
Slow Motion eyes moved more quickly over the audience as Bickering Banshee began singing the song.
A shot rang out. The band stopped playing. They all looked at eachother half expecting someone to fall over dead in a pool of his own blood. But none of the band members fell. They continued their song.
Slow Motion surmised that it was probably not a gunshot but a minor explosion and it had come from somewhere beneath the stage. He pulled out his firearm and dove beneath the stage into the darkness which was punctuated every now and then by a stray beam of light coming from the spotlights.
And there it was, a dead Ninja, and he was surrounded by several sticks of dynamite. But that wasn't the only thing, there was a figure sitting in the corner with a gun in its hand. Slow Motion shined the flashlight on the young man. He looked scared.
I'm with the band, he said, and I just killed one of Xan's men. Am I in a lot of trouble.
What's your name?
Love Potion's my handle, I'm named after you.
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