He loves me not.
By Tommy Boy and Thunder
Rating : PG-13
Part 5
Rawhide went upstairs to his office, leaving Perfect Tommy in the refectory. He found his mood slipping as he walked to his office on the second floor.
Thunder was at the Institute and he was the one person Rawhide knew Tommy Boy would turn to out of her group of friends. He really got himself in a corner this time.
He closed the door to his office, trying to gain some time to be alone to sort through what was going on. Rawhide sat down in his chair and leaned back; closing his eyes to the oncoming headache he was giving himself with the emotions that he was trying to keep at bay.
Why he expect Tommy Boy not to ask him for marriage was beyond him. He thought she understood from the start that he couldn't marry. But as she said that night they fought, she thought after time he would reconsider it.
Oh how he wished he could reconsider it, but there was more to it than she knew, more than she would ever know.
Sitting forward he put his elbows on the desk and rested his head. He thought he would have time to work out a solution with Tommy Boy but now Thunder was there. He knew that Tommy Boy was a friend of his, she even went against his wishes to see him after he had left the Institute the first time.
He knew in the back of his mind the more he froze Tommy Boy out, the more she would seek someone to talk to. For that person to be Thunder got to Rawhide. "Damn," he swore out loud.
Just then Buckaroo was popping his head into the office. Not commenting at first of what he heard and seeing before him, he closed the door to Rawhide's office and sat down in front of the desk.
"Care to talk about it?"
"No," Rawhide answered trying to find a paper on his desk to start his morning routine.
"I have a ten o'clock with Thunder. Think you can make it?"
"I have a nine that will run over."
"Shame, seems that this class of Thunder's will have will be a great project."
Rawhide left that to be.
Buckaroo knew what was going on in Rawhide's brain. "You can tell her."
Rawhide shot him a look, "I can't tell her. I won't tell her. Then the last five years would be nothing."
"Well what were they Rawhide? You are separating from her now."
"I can't give her what she wants. I was insane to think that we could last like we have. Of course she would want marriage, and a baby."
"You can still..."
"Buck, I appreciate you coming by, but this is something I have to deal with on my own."
"If you keep up with it like this, you won't have to deal with much of anything." He stood up. "I know that she is thrilled to have Thunder here."
"Maybe it's for the best."
"I can't believe you are giving her up that easy."
"What can I do? She wants something I can't give her."
"If it were possible, would you give it to her?"
"In a heart beat."
Buckaroo tried once more, "Then tell her. Tell her the truth."
Rawhide gave a hard look to his friend. "No. I'll just have to live with what is happening. Let her find someone who can give her what she wants."
"What about you? Can you stand by willingly? Let her go like that?"
"I have to."
Buckaroo never thought he would see the day when Tommy Boy and Rawhide would stop being together But here it was, two people who were meant to be together, slowly falling apart.
Buckaroo stood and looked at his friend. "Are you still leaving for Tokyo in three weeks?"
"Time to audit their books. I'll be gone for a week."
"Maybe some time away..."
"I won't be changing my mind." Rawhide responded, knowing that Buckaroo was trying to push him. "Do me a favor, drop it okay? There is no other answer to this."
Buckaroo nodded and headed out of the office reluctantly. He knew things were not at an end, things never ended easily with their circle. All he could do was hope that he and the others could survive the storm that was brewing.
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Part 6
Buckaroo went thought the project folder tht Thunder had put together for the class. He liked the items that were noted to be emphasized. Thunder will put them through their paces and if they didn't learn anything it would be their own faults.
Closing the folder, Buckaroo looked at Thunder.
Thunder sat across from him watching him review his sylabus.
"Looks like you have a great plan here. Let's make sure though they don't test you like your last class." Buckaroo smiled at him, enjoying a little teasing with his friend.
Thunder shook his head, "I'll never live that down will I?"
"I believe you're considered a legend for that." Bucakroo remarked. "I'm glad you took on this class. I see a need for it. Any thoughts to teaching it on a regular basis?"
Thunder didn't know an answer to that one. "I have a few things on the outside to consider. Besides, I still haven't made amends to come back." He had come to the Institute under false pretenses. He was a government agent with a mission to find out all he could about Buckaroo's second in command. In the end he turned in his information to Buckaroo and resigned from his job. The Cavaliers felt betrayed but yet a few made it known that in the end he made the right decision. They offered him friendships that he would not lose this time around. The one man though that was most offended still on the surface gruffed at him was Rawhide, the man he targeted.
Buckaroo sighed, "How long are you going to put yourself through this self inflicting isolation? There is no penance for what you did."
"Yes there is." Thunder answered. "I broke many confidances. Your's and Rawhide's. I can never regain that."
"So I trust you with this class yet you feel you have not been redeemed?"
"I don't deserve to be here."
Buckaroo was trying to get Thunder to come back to the Institute for both the sakes of Thunder and Tommy Boy.
"I have something else to ask."
Thunder was expecting this. "About Tommy Boy."
"Yes. Where do you stand with her? With what is going on between her and Rawhide, I imagine something is going to involve you."
"Right now I'm keeping my peace with Rawhide for TB's sake. She's hurting and she's going to blow soon. Whatever he's holding back from her is inexcusiable for what he's doing to her. She loves him. She would love to have his ring and have his baby. What is so deeply buried that he can't trust her?"
"We all have pasts Thunder. Some are deeply hidden while others are known."
"TB has been talking to me. I'm her friend and I will not let her stand alone."
"Anything else to be worried about?"
Thunder looked at his friend. "Worried that I'll take advantage of her while she's so hurt?. I'm not here for that. I've had feelings for her for awhile. You know that."
"And she turns to you when she's falling from Rawhide."
"I have always been there for her."
"Yes you have." Buckaroo nodded. "I just want to warn you. This has not ended by a long shot. They are both high strung individuals when it comes to love and though he says he's giving her up, he won't like seeing her with anyone else."
Thunder sat back and pondered that point. He knew they were both passionate individuals. Heck they were physical.
"You propose we run interference between the two?"
"I don't know if it will work, but we have to save them from themselves before the melt down. And I have a feeling we haven't had the pleasure of experiencing it yet. I really don't want to go through a nuclear meltdown. I'm glad she has taking you into her confidance, and I know that you will do your best to keep her sane and safe."
Thunder nodded and smiled. "I'll do my best."
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