Duplicant
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When Hanoi Xan walked into the room Slow Motion jumped to his feet and yanked out his sidearm. If Buckaroo had not yelled NO!!! Slow would have pulled the trigger.
After the situation was explained to him, Slow Motion was furious. How can you send in a duplicant in UNANNOUNCED??? Are you guys crazy??? Don't you ever do that to me again!!!
Okay, okay, Rawhide was saying, just calm down.
Calm down, he says, said Slow Motion, running his hand through his long hair. I thought Buckaroo was a dead man.
It won't happen again, said Reno, with a slight hint of a smile on his face. We just wanted to see if the duplicate would convince you, since you met Xan face to face.
Oh, he's convincing, said Slow, glancing over at the Duplicate Xan. Too convincing. He's not a clone?
Buckaroo spoke now, No, a Duplicate, he's a cyborg, just like in the movies. His outer skin is real, his eyes, his tongue, everything external. Inside he's pure machine with a 1000GBBB processor.
1000GBBB, said Slow, haven't heard of it.
Neither should anyone else outside this soundproofed office. Your job, Slow, is to teach it to act more and more like Xan.
Hmmm, said Slow Motion, walking up to the cyborg. What version Operating System?
The Dupe Xan's head twitched slightly, he said, I am a Macintosh/Windows Hybrid Version 12.02. Life Simulation Application version 8.0.
You'll have to keep that bit of information a secret, is that understood, Xan?
That level of intentional secrecy would require the verbal password ...
Nice! said Slow Motion. Guys, what about the Dental Clinic, and, I've got rehearsals coming up for the next production.
We have a replacement standing by at the Clinic, as usual, and Smalleyes is just going to have to direct the play. The BB Players will understand.
Okay, all right, said. Where do we start?
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It took Slow Motion weeks to pour over the files they had on Xan. A lot had to be verbally read to the cyborg. It was just a matter of filling it in on the facts. The rest had to do with what was known about how Xan stood, how he sat, his hand movements, how he sounded when angry, when happy ...
Buckaroo paid Slow Motion a visit one day and found the cyborg with its hand around the Indian's throat.
Speak to me that way again and I will not spare your life! said the cyborg.
Is everything okay? asked Buckaroo.
The cyborg turned to look at Buckaroo and said, Buckaroo Banzai! We meet again! This time you will not escape! The cyborg pulled out a firearm!
Buckaroo immediately went for his gun!
Cease! said Slow Motion. Sleep Mode. The cyborg went to sleep.
What is going on? said Banzai, genuinely upset.
Sorry, he was in Kill Mode, said Slow Motion. The gun is empty.
You've done a good job.
I just hope he's good enough to fool Lo Pep.
I've come to tell you, we need him for a while ...
A mission?
No, just practice ...
Target?
No, experiential ... Our guys need experience coming face to face with Xan.
Wake up, said Slow Motion. The cyborg's head twitched, the left arm jerked, an one eye opened.
Error 23,000. System crash due to overloaded emotional circuitry.
Why? What happened? asked Slow Motion. Aw, damn, I was afraid of this.
The cyborg said, Emotional Complication ... Emergency Hard Disk Erasure ...
It's committing suicide! said Slow Motion.
Make it stop, said Buckaroo.
Cease all System Erasure, said Slow Motion.
Verbal Password Deactivated ... Queeeeeeeeeeeerrrkkkkkkkkk.
The duplicant Xan fell over and hit the floor.
Slow, what just happened.
My mistake, Buckaroo.
Explain.
THE DAMN THING LEARNED HOW TO LOVE, OKAY? He was shouting now, looking half-deranged from exhaustion. AND I WAS TEACHING IT HOW TO HATE. EMOTIONAL COMPLICATION SET IN. TWO OPPOSING WORLD VIEWS. I COULDN'T TEACH IT HOW TO PROTECT TEAM BANZAI AND SIMULTANEOUSLY HATE TEAM BANZAI! SO IT COMMITTED SUICIDE! Slow Motion calmed down. You have all my notes, I'm not the man for the job.
Buckaroo put his hand on Slow's shoulder. Okay, you need a rest. Thanks for all your work, it's been enlightening. We'll know better next time, okay? We'll need to create some kind of a hard disk with a partitioning scheme, give it a split personality as it were, each one totally independent of the other, except for the controlling boot sector which will make the delicate decision as to which personality will take over at any given time ...
Trouble is, if the good partition does not kick in for whatever reason, you'll have TWO evil Xans to worry about.
We'll make it work ... We have no other choice ...
What a chip, said Slow Motion, that 1000GBBB. What does GBBB stand for anyway.
Buckaroo said, Good Boy Bad Boy.
