the Food Thief
By ColdDaye
Pinky decided that someone was against him. Someone up there was have a big old laugh at the keeper of the 47,000 unknown facts, yuckin? it up, pull the wool over his eyes, making his day horrible and snickering over it. If you?re quiet, you can hear it, ethereal guffaws resonating through the halls ? empty at this time of night.
Carruthers had left his pizza (re: dinner) on the table next to the door while he went to collect a soda, Dr. Pepper, the perfect compliment to an everything lover?s slice from Antonio?s up the street. Upon returning he discovered dinner was suspiciously absent.
Someone had stolen his pizza.
That?s how Pinky Carruthers, Keeper of the 47,000 Unknown Facts, Gatekeeper, Hungry, Overworked, and Now Really Annoyed man decided someone was against him. First it was his pancakes this morning, then his sub at lunch, so he had purposely waited until only the latest night owls were up before attempting dinner. His stomach rumbled.
At least he had potato chips in his room.
Somewhere in a lab at the Banzai Institute:
?I?m telling you, the bread will mold after the meat grows things, why don?t you just take my word for it?? Neal asked.
?Because I?d rather see for myself,? Samantha said, ?Norah said there are three stages to molding and two stages to spoilage. I want to record all of them. Then I can use them for an article.?
?Uh?okay,? he sighed. ?Then why the pizza??
?Because I wanted to see at which stage the cheese would spoil.?
Neal scratched his head, ?Where did you get this stuff??
She shrugged. ?I kept finding it out in the dining room. I figure, if these people really wanted it, they wouldn?t have left it unguarded in the dining room.?
??um?okay.? He didn?t say that maybe said people weren?t expecting for someone to take their food, that?s why they left it unguarded. Stealing wasn?t a big issue at the Institute. ?How will you make this up to all of them?? he asked.
?I don?t know,? she capped the permanent marker after dating the ?samples?. ?Buy them a large pizza and two liter coke??
?So how are we ? I mean, you going to find these guys??
?Same way I found this stuff.?
?And that is?? he lead.
?Leave it in the dining room tomorrow after dinner, someone will pick it up. If this were a movie, it would be the right people.?
?Um?life isn?t a movie,? Neal said carefully.
Samantha whirled around and kissed his cheek quickly, ?Of course not. But fate says so. Karma and all that.? She smiled beatifically.
?Okay. So you going out tomorrow at six or so to get it??
?Yeah. And thanks for giving me a ride,? she added. Neal sighed. And knowing Samantha, he better remember to pack a twenty, too.
The next night, Pinky waited until midnight before sneaking out with the last of his potato chips. He had ?fasted? in paranoia of losing his meals once more, sneaking a power bar at ten and again at four in secret. Buckaroo hadn?t really commented on his shortness this afternoon, just wrinkling his brow slightly, but what would he know? No one ever tried to steal his food. No one was that stupid. But Pinky, what made poor Pinky fair game?
He was overcome by a moment of self-pity and almost missed it as he strode through the empty dining hall. There, on the table, a large pizza and a coke. He looked left and right, but no one was up at this hour. It could only mean one thing: the pizza was fair game?the pizza was his now.
He walked over carefully innocent, looking around surreptitiously, using one finger to lift the lid as if to check, yes, there is a pizza in there, and ? where, oh where was the owner? Well, mr. owner, you better hurry up because here?s Pinky reaching for a slice, and no one stopped him?
He flipped the lid back and took a piece and took a biiiig bite.
Finally!
He was halfway through his second slice before he saw the paper, a folded sheet of notebook paper with marker on one side resting toward the back of the box on the cheese, soaking up the grease.
He unfolded it, read the apology and explanation, and most importantly, took note of the signatures?
Pinky now had two more names on his hit list, two names that moved to the top and officially bumped off that guy at the carwash who hadn?t vacuumed his car and still charged him for it, two interns that were going to pay dearly.
Later. Now he had bigger things to worry about.
After all, it?d be a shame to let all this pizza go to waste.
