By Regalo3000
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Buckaroo shook his head, it all seemed incredible. While he was away, there had been an attack against the BB Theatrical Players at the Casa-Negro Restaurant and Bar, and a seemingly unnamed group called simply "A" had taken responsibility.
Do you think Slow Motion's correct, said Buckaroo, about the Ghost Clan, that is. Or, do you think he's off his rocker?
I don't know, I mean, we'll have to wait and see, won't we? He can't prove his theory is correct, I mean, how could he? ... Someone was speaking while sitting in the far corner of Banzai's office. It's not the type of thing that can be proven scientifically, he said. It's all a matter of faith, and that's a tricky subject. Faith does have substance, but, last I heard its essence was hidden in some great pie in the sky, so to speak.
This is why I've called you here, said Buckaroo, to find out if Slow Motion is the real deal. I'm beginning to have my doubts as any rational man would. You're the guy who knows comparitive-religion. You can find out if Slow Motion deserves to remain at the Institute or not.
I'm sorry to hear that. He's a good man, even if he is a bit strange.
His goodness I've never questioned, said Banzai, it's his sanity. Buckaroo spoke to the man in the corner, Who do YOU think they were? Buckaroo was speaking of the attackers at the restaurant.
I was there, said the man in the corner. I saw the whole thing happen. Their methods don't follow the ways of any enemy we've fought so far. Furthermore, there was a lack of feeling in all their eyes, like they were being controlled from afar, they were ... emotionless, almost like zombies but not quite, killing without anger, I've never seen anything like it except in religious cults. Blind followers doing whatever the leader wants them to do. And Slow Motion's theory about a Ghost Clan, well, it just creeps me out, Buckaroo. He can be danger to everything you've worked for in more ways than one.
I've never set aside the possibility of other worlds co-existing with ours, said Buckaroo, even the existence of evil spirits. Some men are SO evil they have to be possessed by something. But, if this turns out to be the case, Slow Motion is going to have to go, he's endangering the welfare of everyone at the Institute. I want you to do something for me ... I want you to watch him ... He's a magnet for trouble, but, then aren't we all ... If Dutch were alive I'd have chosen him to babysit our little so-called demon magnet. Buckaroo thought for a moment.
It was then that Mrs. Johnson appeared at the door. He's gone, she said.
Who's gone? Said Buckaroo trying to keep his attention on the door and not the man in the corner of the room.
Slow Motion, he said he was a danger to everyone and he left.
Did he say where he was going?
No, but, there's something else.
What now?
Uh, there's a Poltergeist in the cafeteria, and it's got everyone in an uproar.
_______
What was throwing dishes and screaming its head off beyond the cafeteria door did not sound very happy. Buckaroo arrived just in time to see a plate of peas and mashed potatoes hit the glass. One of the cooks said, "Whatever it is it's mighty pissed! One of my cook's is in there! Mrs. O'Brian!"
You don't say, said Banzai. Then Buckaroo pulled out his pistols and carefully began opening the cafeteria door.
Buckarro, said Rawhide, don't!
The door was pushed against Banzai and he felt its weight like a sumo-wrestler he had once met in Japan. He let the door close. Does anyone know where Slow Motion has gotten to?
I'm here, said a voice.
Get over here, demanded Buckaroo.
Slow Motion stepped through the crowd, his head almost bowed in shame.
What have you gotten us into? Asked Banzai.
Slow Motion heard the inhuman screams beyond the door. A shiver went up his spine. It's from the lower regions, it's evil, and it wants me. I'll take care of it myself.
The hell you will, said Buckaroo, grab him. Rawhide and Reno placed holds on the Indian. I'll be damned if I'm going to just let it have you.
Reno said, Buckaroo, don't go in there!
Say a prayer for me, guys, okay? said Buckaroo.
The howling had stopped. Buckaroo opened the door, this time there was no resistance. He stepped inside. His pistols were raised high in the air as he walked among the debris. Tables had been tossed around, food littered the walls, and there was Mrs. O'Brian, looking pale-faced, lying on her back on the floor.
Mrs. O'Brian? asked Buckaroo. Then something slammed against him, something unseen!!
Let me go, it'll kill Buckaroo if you don't let me go! Slow Motion was yelling.
Are you certain of this? asked Reno.
Yes!
Let him go! said Perfect Tommy.
What are you going to do? asked Rawhide.
What I should have done from the beginning.
He started to strip off his clothes. The idea had come to him, why had Many Black Feathers said he'd run naked through the mountains? Why would the spirit have pity unless it believed the old man were ... well ... crazy?
Buckaroo was slammed again, this time he slid across the floor and hit a wall, he could hear the thing's breath as it were, it was nearly upon him again. Then the strangest thing he ever saw in his life accosted his senses. The door to the cafeteria opened and Slow Motion, naked as the day he was born, had strode inside doing a chicken walk. Buckaroo actually believed for a moment that Slow Motion believed he was a chicken. In truth, Slow Motion HAD to believe he was a chicken in order to fool the spirit. There were noises Buckaroo had never heard before, strange whooshing noises that seemed to sound like some kind of indecision. Cluck! Cluck! Slow Motion was moving his head forward and back, it was then that he got the knot in his neck! Cruerk! was what came out. Don't blow it, Slow Motion, not now, no matter how much your neck hurts!
A different tactic was in order, ballet. He danced around the cafeteria, carefully stepping around food so as not to slip. The guys peering through the glass could not believe their eyes. The guy was definitely crazy. Maybe even possessed by the damn thing. But, Slow Motion kept up the act. He began touching the walls as if he could see something beyond it, waving at invisible people.
The spirit had had enough, a roar filled the cafeteria as if Godzilla himself were present, but, Slow Motion started arguing with an invisible person. The cafeteria windows exploded outward, shards of glass riddling the ground outside the building. There was one final scream but it seemed far away now. Then all was quiet.
Slow Motion was breathing hard, ashamed to be naked, cold, frustrated. Everyone came running into the room, they headed for Banzai and helped him to his feet.
Mrs. Johnson handed Slow Motion his clothes. He slipped them on in silence.
Slow Motion, said Buckaroo. Thank you. It was quite a show, and quite a learning experience. I'm sorry I doubted you.
It will return, said Slow Motion. In a different guise but it will be back. Never the same guise, Buckaroo. Never the same way twice. I'm sorry to say.
Then we'll keep on our toes, said Banzai. Until then, let's get this mess cleaned up. Please, get Mrs. O'Brian some medical attention.
_______
I heard about the cafeteria incident, said Smalleyes. Looks like you're the real thing! He said, excited.
Slow Motion was visiting him in his hospital room.
What do you mean the real thing? said Slow Motion. What is the real thing? I am not a shaman. I'm just a dentist who can shoot straight ... And if you think this is over, you're fooling yourself.
What is it called? asked Smalleyes. That thing ...
It is called That Which Can Never Be Happy. One day it will get me, and on that day the ancient warriors will pay me one last visit, but it will be only to take me away, they will bring me my own horse and I will ride with them into the great beyond.
Smalleyes burst out laughing. Hahhahahha, you got me, oh man, you really had me for a second there, oh boy, what hogwash!
Shut up! Slow Motion said with great force. That was a defining moment for me and you ruined it! You fool!
Hey, take it easy, I didn't mean --
--You inconsiderate oaf! Take something seriously for once in your life!
Hey, I'm always serious! Who was it that spotted The Wind? Me! That's who! You were too busy enjoying your stupid oreo cookies!
Oreo cookies are not stupid! Oreo cookies are the best damn cookies ever made on this earth! If you only understood the wisdom behind the oreo cookie you might actually learn something.
Listen to yourself, you're crazy. Wisdom in oreo cookies? Gimme a break.
An oreo cookie is like life, hard on the outside, tender on the inside.
What does that mean? It means nothing. Smalleyes laughed.
Nothing to you, but, it means everything to me. Slow Motion smiled.
I am The Clown Warrior, he thought to himself, riding backwards into battle on my horse trusting in the Great Spirit. I am The Prankster Warrior fighting evil with my naked madness. Thank you, old man, for such a gift.
You damn fool, came the reply, all I did was teach you how to be the best A-hole you could be.
_____
They all had to be re-evaluated sooner or later: Reno, Rawhide, Perfect Tommy, everyone, and The Investigator was the one that did it, helped Buckaroo make the final decisions. He's real, said the man standing in the corridor outside the hospital room into a small recorder, and then he began walking away, whistling a little tune, a little smile playing across his face. Our little Slow Motion is ... The real deal ...
