Dentist from Hell
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Slow? Hey, Slow? Where the hell is he? Penny Priddy had been told Slow Motion was "on the grounds, in the woods", that was all the information she had. Slow Motion?!
What fair maiden doth call me, said a voice.
Jeez, Slow Motion, she said looking up, You nearly gave me a heart attack! What the hell are you doing up in that tree?
Meditating, he replied. Sometimes it's best to meditate where there is life, if you want to meditate ABOUT life. As for death, boulders are best. Or even empty spaces.
Did the Old Man teach you that?
No, this comes from me, he said jumping down and coming face to face with her. He was a tall man by comparison. Years and years of practice.
They want you inside, she said. You know, you CAN put plants in your room.
Can't do that, he said.
Why not?
Sometimes they speak to me. I can hear plants, you know. Sometimes. They kind of don't shut up, you know? Yap yap yap. Well, you can guess, they're pretty lonely creatures.
A plant is a creature?
Sure! And a mirror for what we are!
Explain! she said motioning with her hand for him to follow. He followed after her.
Sit down! Plant your ass here! We say this often! Nuclear Power Plant! He planted the virus on the computer! Don't plant such thoughts in my head! Oh no!
Okay, okay, I think I get it. I guess.
Notice, we say plant when we refer to lack of motion.
Is there some Ancient Indian Wisdom to be gotten from this?
Yes, it's not true, their mouths are always moving! Using his hand he simulating a yapping mouth. Penny smiled.
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Oddity was lying on his side, yelping. Knuckles was standing over him watching Slow Motion at work.
Yeah, the tooth is going to have to come out. Sorry. You have to brush the dog's teeth.
I DO brush the dog's teeth! said Knuckles. He got into my stash of chocolate bars without me knowing until it was too late.
Slow Motion nodded. Let's get him into the van, we'll take him to the local vet --
-- Wait a minute, I thought you were a dentist.
Yes, but, I'm not a vet. Vet's do this type of work best.
I want YOU to do it.
If it were an emergency I would.
Well, consider it an emergency.
But it's not, so the dog will have to go to a vet. Help me.
Knuckles ordered Oddity into the van. Slow Motion accompanied the woman and her pet to the local vet. Knuckles would later agree, remember her own vetinary studies about the amount Anesthesia had to be proportionate with the dog's weight, and lots of other factors had to be taken into consideration. Oddity got a clean bill of health, and Knuckles offered Slow Motion a challenge, it was the only manner she thought would make them bond ...
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Knuckles sidekicked to the head, but Slow Motion blocked the kick. He brought his hand down and had thought she was going to pull back. She hadn't. Her foot was still there and WHAM!!! hit him in the side of the head! Classic fake! Before long Slow Motion's eye turned blue and began to swell.
Nice one, he said. Haven't seen one of those in a long time.
We all need practice.
He looked up and stood there, mouth open, as if the strangest thing in the world were hovering over Knuckle's head. Being the Banzai Institute where almost anything and everything is possible, she looked up. He dove to the floor and swiped her feet! But they were not there! She had lifted off in a quick motion, and before he knew it another kick had hit the other side of his head!
Buckaroo came over. The whole gang was sitting in the bleachers and on the sidelines watching the fight. Okay, he said, I think we've taken this a bit too far, don't you?
Give a man his dignity, said Slow Motion, I'm out of practice.
I didn't agree to this so you two could kill one another, said Buckaroo. Just take it easy.
Knuckles smiled. So did Slow Motion. They each bowed and got into fighting positions.
Okay, hothead, said Slow Motion. Fatso.
Fatso? Oh, yeah? Well, what cat dragged you in, skinny-boy.
I'm thin because I fast once day every week. You're fat because you eat too much chocolate, and, although the female metabolism thrives off its contents, certain minerals, it's all gone to your hips. Fatso.
Kick. Block. Punch. Block. Swipe. Fall.
Dammit, said Slow Motion. Knuckles was kneeling over him, her fist steady at his throat.
Now that's more like it, said Buckaroo, pretend is better than kill.
Slow Motion got to his feet. Bowed. Got into position. That was when Penny came into the gym and Oddity came in behind her.
No, no, Oddity, come back! said Penny.
But it was too late, Oddity was running up to the two fighters.
Oddity! said Knuckles.
The dog ran up to Slow Motion, and began licking his face!
Oddity! No, stop!
Can't a patient say thank you to the doctor?
Oddity! Down!
Maybe he likes me more than he likes you!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Knuckles had lost her cool and came at him with full force!! One sidestep and one tripping was all it took. Knuckles had been coming too hard and too fast. She went flying off the exercise mats and hit the wooden floor! Blood began to drip from her nose!
I'll kill him!
All's fair, said Buckaroo!
I'll kill that bloody Indian, she was yelling. My tooth! I lost a tooth!
Let me see, said Slow Motion coming over and grabbing her by the head. No, it's just chipped, it can be fixed.
She tried to hit him again but was restrained by the others.
Take her outside, said Buckaroo. Until she cools off! And you! He tapped Slow Motion on the chest. You knew exactly what you were doing.
You're right, I did that on purpose.
At least you're honest.
I don't like losing.
Nobody does. I want to see you in my office, right after lunch.
Sure, Buckaroo. Am I being let go?
No, said Buckaroo. No. You just need a bit a talking to, that's all. Hothead.
_______
Knuckles, said Slow Motion. I can't do my work if your tongue keeps on touching the area I'm working on.
I'm sorry.
My assistant is going to use some gauze to hold onto your tongue.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize, he smiled. It's only natural.
You look like shit.
All thanks to you, Knuckles. All thanks to you. And stop yapping, you remind me of some friends I know.
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