Guns and Horses
By ColdDaye
?So now we let them freeze until tomorrow and then we see if they glow. And then, you eat one and I see if you keel over.? Theo slid the lid over the freezer and stepped back.
?Um?thanks,? Norah said. She scribbled the date at the top of her lab sheet started to go down the data, closing her 0?s and 9?s.
?Just kidding,? he clapped a hand on her shoulder, ?We?ll find a Cavalier. Those guys are made of tough stuff.? He grinned and winked like she needed to be told it was a joke. Or maybe, that was just his way. She smiled back.
She?d finished the paper last night after a rousing game of watching Neal all elbows and knees try to play soccer and a few times catching the ball with his stomach. After helping him limp back to his room, she found an open computer and typed out two pages quickly, glancing furtively over one shoulder in case she shouldn?t have been there in the first place.
Said paper was now under her notebook, wrinkling slightly under her palm grown sweaty with nerves. She?d had the brilliant idea of asking Theo to proof-read it, without thinking that she didn?t have any time to make any changes. Oh, well.
Norah slid the notebook into her backpack and tried to keep the paper from crumpling and ended up dropping the whole shebang. Pens scattered out and random papers skittered from her. Great.
?You okay?? Theo asked.
She nodded, ?Yeah, just slipped.? She started gathering items and stood in surprise when she ran into him. He held out a sheaf of her papers.
?Here,? he said.
?Thank you.? He started to hand them to her but then pulled back. His eyes flickered over the top page, the first page of her essay.
She waited for him to say it was good to save her feelings, or bad because it probably was but she didn?t expect when he said stiffly, ?Well, I?m sorry you feel that way.? Like he was angry.
?Excuse me?? she asked. You know that feeling you get when the ground sweeps out from under you and some almighty being opens your chest and gives your heart a nasty squeeze? (it?s kind of like that)
The paper had talked about different methods of gun control, citing court cases, newspaper articles, two parts reason one part tragedy and definitely hit closer to home then anything she?d ever written before. But at least he apologized (I think).
?No,? she said, or tried to. It was more of a whisper. He shoved the papers at her and left, hitting the swinging door open and she listened to his boots stomping away and echoing in the hall. She glanced down at the paper and watched a drop of water form on it. This wasn?t in the? fuck the pamphlet.
There. She said it, if only in her mind.
She was again the first one to the writing class and trying desperately not to cry and all she needed was something to tip the balance and it?d be all over ? ?Are you okay?? Like Samantha all kind-hearted sympathy. A few tears escaped.
?What happened?? she wrapped an arm around Norah?s shoulders.
?Th-Theo didn?t, um, didn?t like my paper.?
?What??
?He, uh, he read it, and he didn?t like it and he got angry.? She sniffled, now down to a pitiful from a crisis.
?Who?s Theo??
?Theobromos. He?s my boss.?
?He sounds like an ass,? Samantha said, ?Can I see your paper?? What more did she have to lose? She nodded. Samantha glanced over it quickly, a natural born speed reader.
?Well, I like it. It all sticks together and stuff. I can see how you end the way you do, and you obviously feel passionate about this gun stuff. Just remember,? she gave Norah a little half hug, ?All men are jerks.?
Norah wiped her eyes with a tissue she had dug out from her backpack. ?Even Neal?? she asked.
Samantha looked thoughtful, ?Okay, so all men are jerks except for the one.?
?The one what??
?The one. You know, the one,? she said in a wistful tone that made Norah think of knights and princes and well, if princes wielded the sword of C++, maybe she could see it. But Samantha seemed like the type that went through a guy a week. It would be a summer fling and that?s that. She kept her mouth shut though, because she needed a friend and needed to be a friend.
Reno took their papers, not sparing an extra glance for Norah?s wrinkled and tear stained copy because another boy, Merrick with a goatee was trying to explain how he managed to burn his. On accident. With a flamethrower.
She thought that might make an interesting story in itself.
?So today?s assignment ? uh, actually, why don?t we talk about the last assignment?? Reno shuffled the papers and Norah realized he was actually drop dead tired. There were bags under his eyes and one hand shook slightly. Had he gotten any sleep since the last class? She wanted to ask, but nerves stayed her tongue.
?Norah! Where did you find the information to support your stand on your, uh, topic?? It?d be nice if he knew which topic was hers, but she let it go.
?Internet,? she lied.
?Uh-huh. Samantha, how about you??
?Internet,? Samantha said, bouncing slightly in her seat. She smiled at Norah like it was something they had in common.
?Did everyone use the internet?? They all nodded, even Merrick who?d dug out a plastic baggie of what appeared to be ashes. He held it out to Reno who gestured a ?not now?.
?So, no one used any hard copy?? That got blank looks.
?Like books and magazines,? he clarified. Nope. Not a one. Reno sighed. Kids.
?Okay, so that brings me to the next assignment. Find someone, talk to them. We don?t talk enough thanks to the d- to cellphones,? he sighed and passed a hand over his eyes like this was too much today. Norah was all for calling it quits but she had the feeling the class wasn?t the whole problem. If he wasn?t here, he?d probably have some other crisis to deal with. This is being a Cavalier.
Suddenly she started to dislike the comics. They lied, like the brochure.
?Have a five or ten minute conversation with someone you DON?T know, and write down what you talked about. Like a dialogue short story or something.? He swayed slightly, then righted himself quick enough you wouldn?t notice unless you?d been looking for it.
?And, um, unless anyone has anything else?? Merrick held up the baggie of ashes hopefully. ?Okay, that?s it then. I?ll see you Tuesday, and you ? ? he pointed to Merrick, ?Get to explain what the hell happened. Who let you play with a flamethrower??
?So who are you going to talk to that you don?t know?? Samantha asked.
?I don?t know. Like, strike up a random conversation or something,? Norah reached for an apple, then put it back. She could get applesauce instead. ?Maybe someone in your lab.? Samantha had biology, so she had a lab of twelve people, mostly girls, who liked poking at small animals.
?What about in yours??
?There?s only me and Theo.?
?Oh.?
They wandered toward a table with Neal and Trey having some sort of guy staring contest. ?Hey, what?s up?? Samantha asked Neal.
?Nothin? much,? Trey said, but she didn?t look at him. Norah sighed.
?How?d class go?? she asked Trey. He turned to her and the look on his face was like the bad end of Finals week. ?Oh.?
They ate quietly but it wasn?t the friend quiet, the nice comfortable silence it could have been. She wondered what happened between Neal and Trey, and why the Cavaliers were sitting tight today, talking quietly and urgently among themselves. She could feel the muscles in her back tightening ? this brought back memories. Any minute now, someone would jump out and try an act of desperate normality. She looked around the room. The junior interns were watching all corners mutely as if waiting for a pin to drop. They didn?t have any place here. Sure, a summer program is all fun and games, but not here. The Cavaliers took out terrorists, took down the World Crime League time and time again?what had they been thinking, bringing kids into this?
?What was that??
?Huh?? she asked. Neal asked again.
?Oh, uh, it just feels like something?s up.?
?Yeah, but why is it bad that kids are here? Besides, we aren?t kids,? he waved a hand dismissively. ?Well, some of us,? he conceded.
Trey looked like he was going to say something so Norah said, ?Yeah, we are. These guys,? she tilted her head toward the table with Dr. Banzai and Rawhide, ?have been doing this stuff all their lives. Something bad is going to happen. They?ll have to look after us and everything. We shouldn?t be here.?
?I?m sure everything will be fine,? Samantha said, laying a hand on Neal?s gently.
?Oh, yeah, why?? Trey asked. He shot Neal a belligerent look. (here we go)
?Because.? She didn?t offer any other reason and Norah could feel the hostility rising. Guys.
?Well, I?m off, stuff to do,? she said, maybe a little more loudly than she should?ve as two other tables turned to look her way. She blushed.
?See ya,? Trey dismissed.
?Bye,? Samantha said, still just looking at Neal. Norah looked back as she left and it seemed the three were stuck in some weird tableau, Trey glaring at Neal, Samantha mooning over Neal, and Neal pushing fries around and ignoring both of them. And Norah stood outside and looked in.
She wandered for a good while, out in the garden, reading tags on rose bushes, some hybrids and some just there to look pretty. She leaned in to smell a couple, before realizing that maybe she shouldn?t. One smelled like potpourri that her sister had left in her underwear drawer and made her mouth taste like soap. Another smelled sweet, like fruit or something.
She wandered until she smelled something that reminded her of the college campus, something rather?organic. She wrinkled her nose. (yech, manure!)
?Horsey!? she said, stopping in surprise. In front of her, this must be the corral, and these must be the horses from the riding class. She felt a small stab of disappointment at turning down the opportunity for horses (!) but it was too late now. She walked up to the wooden posts and leaned onto it, watching them run and play. Soon a caramel one wandered over to see if Norah any treats. She didn?t, and apologized. The horse nuzzled her hand and she turned it over, ?I swear, it?s empty,? she said. It nuzzled her palm and snorted at her.
?Sorry,? she said again. She reached out and touched its nose lightly and when the horse didn?t pull away she stroked down its face gently.
?Hey,? she said, ?I?m Norah. I don?t know your name, but I bet it?s a good one.?
?My sister?s name was Morrigan, that was a good one, too. So mine was supposed to be Macha or something, but my mom?s friend died right before I was born so I?m Lenorah instead. But everyone calls me Norah. My sister was the goddess of death and war and I?m light. Isn?t that funny?? The horse snuffled. It seemed like it was about to leave so she drew back her hands and waited. It turned its head back and nosed her hand again. She smiled.
?I-I really miss her. My sister. I?m supposed to talk about it, or I was, but they sent me to a shrink, and we didn?t get along so great. I sort of broke his nose and gave him a bruise on his leg so he couldn?t walk for three days,? she bit her lip, ?They stopped making me go after that.?
?What happened to your sister??
She turned quickly, startling the horse who snorted at her and stepped away.
The man stood a few yards behind her, one shoulder lifted in a ?don?t care? style, but he didn?t come closer. Perfect Tommy?s blue hair was starting to fade after only a week. ?Stuff,? she said. She turned back to watch the horses and wished they would come closer. Her hand felt slightly greasy with the build-up of dust that came off the animal. She didn?t mind.
Tommy came closer and leaned on the fence next to her. ?No, really, what happened??
?Why do you care? You don?t, you?re Perfect Tommy, you don?t give a shit about anyone but yourself.?
?You know me that well? What the hell?d I ever do to you?? he gave her a good impression of bewilderment, but Norah knew better.
She?d read all the comics.
She stood up in surprise, ?I don?t.?
?Huh??
?I made an assumption based on the stupid comics. You always come off as an asshole. My sister said guys, players like you aren?t worth the air you breathe.?
?She said that, huh??
?Yeah. Well, she said, ?Sweet treat, all guys are crap. All they say is crap. All guys are players and they ain?t worth the air they waste.??
He grinned wryly, ?Sweet treat??
?Yeah. It was her name for me. She had a fixation with dental stuff. Actually, something wasn?t quite right with her, she was on some medication.?
?Really.?
?Uh-huh, she just looked at stuff differently. So they wanted to stop that.?
?Who?s they?? he bent down and scratched his calf.
?My parents. They?re kind of stupid.?
?Whadya mean?? it occurred to her that he shouldn?t be asking so many questions. So she said so.
?You?re right, I am fishing. Theo came around all pissed about something and wanted to know some stuff. We didn?t hand over your file but I said I?d see what was going on. I kind of owe him one.?
?For what??
He looked at her, ?For stuff.?
?Okay.?
They stood in silence for a moment and Norah spoke again, ?I?ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.?
?Excuse me??
?I?ll tell you my story if you tell me why you owe Theo.?
?I-?okay. But you know this is all hush hush? You don?t tell anyone about this.?
?Likewise.?
?Okay then. Shoot.?
?Why do I have to go first??
?Because I asked first!?
She sighed and blew a brown strand out of her face, ?Fine. So Morrigan went through therapy a few times and I think the third time through she met Brian who was after Jeremy. Brian was schizo or something, but mom and dad didn?t care about that. They just liked that he wasn?t Jeremy, you know??
She looked over and he nodded.
?Somewhere in there Brian showed her how to shoot a gun, they?d go to the range every once in a while, even took me once. All through that, Jeremy was somewhere to the side, watching them. I saw him when we left the range. Mom and Dad on the other hand, got Morrigan a gun because Brian said she wanted one, but she didn?t, huh. Like they would actually care enough to ask her.
?So one night it was raining, and Morrigan was packing. I asked her why and she said she was moving out, gonna move in with Brian, but she acted like she didn?t want to, so I asked her if she did. She hugged me and said she had to. Mom didn?t believe me when I told her that Morrigan didn?t want to leave. Just because couldn?t understand her didn?t mean I can?t!? Norah swallowed past something in her throat and tried to relax. She closed her eyes, bent her head and took a deep breath. ?See, Morrigan was about twenty or so, sort of in community college once in a while, and mom and dad made motions that she should think about moving out. So she went to move in with Brian, because they approved of him. Later they said Jeremy shot her and Brian defended himself but Jeremy was dead first. The coroner said so.
?Brian killed her after he killed Jeremy because some shit demons in his head probably told him to and they said I was troubled about it so they sent me to the shrink.?
?And that ended badly,? Tommy said.
?Yeah?they gave up?and now they just give me anything I want. So, I wanted to get away and they sent me here. I think I hate them?? she turned to Perfect Tommy who was staring off at the horses, ?What?s yours??
?Huh?? he blinked and tore his eyes away from the horses. ?Oh, yeah?you know where Theo comes from??
?No. We haven?t talked about anything but food. And my gun paper he didn?t like.?
?Uh, yeah. He, uh, he?s heir to a gun company, one of the biggest in the country. He holds guns very near and dear and just got pissed at you for dissing that.?
She nodded, ?You?re a lot nicer then you come off.?
He just looked at her. She smiled docilely.
?Anyway, we were pinned down in a kidnapping deal and I sort of got shot ? ?
?I thought you said you were perfect.?
?Hey! I was having an off day, okay?? he straightened the lapels of his jacket, ?As I was saying, I got shot, he covered me until the Rugsuckers got in and took out the rest of the bad guys. So I owed him from that.?
?Oh.? Then she said, ?So that?s why he doesn?t like me not liking guns.?
?Yeah, but once I explain ? ?
?Explain what??
?You know, the whole sister getting murdered, that?s why you don?t like guns, he?ll understand.?
?But that?s not why.?
He looked over at her again, ?Excuse me??
She swallowed, ?They gave Brian a gun even though he had a history of mental illness. He got it at a show, see. They didn?t bother with the holding it for a few days or whatever. If they had taken just a little care, I wouldn?t have to be here right now.?
Perfect Tommy didn?t really know what to say to that. He was more of a love ?em and leave ?em type, one night stand every night, and his past behavior said he should have walked away once he got the story out of her. But it was so peaceful out here, the horses playing at one end, them standing at the other. The sun was just setting and the air cooling and a soft breeze stirred their hair. The second he went back inside it would be more planning about these mysterious attacks, and at least they got the computer thing figured out though he?d never figured Travers for being such a dickhead. Sometimes you just get tired of it all. So he stayed outside with Norah and tried to think of something else to say.
?What?s happening?? Norah asked.
?What??
?I said, what?s happening? Why?s Reno so tired, and everyone so jumpy?? she wriggled a foot in the dampening grass.
?You kids don?t have to worry ?bout stuff like that ? ?
?Like what stuff??
?Like stuff, okay? You?re just supposed to be here to enjoy the summer. Nothing?s supposed to happen.?
She gave him a pitying look, ?It?s never supposed to happen. We all see something?s up, so you might as well spill.?
?Well, I won?t. It?s not my place. Look, you just tell all your little friends that everyone?s gonna alright, okay?? He grabbed her arm, ?Do this, okay??
?Okay,? she agreed quietly.
Dinner she ate at a table with strangers and didn?t bother to introduce herself. So they ignored her. Everyone spoke in hushed tones like the world was going to end tomorrow or something. If it really was though, they?d talk louder. Just because.
On the way out she passed by the ?Cavalier table? and Perfect Tommy, while listening to Pinky outlining some situation, glanced up to give her a warning look. She nodded slightly.
That night she pulled the covers up to her chin and thought about monsters under the bed. Morrigan used to tease her, some time long ago when she was okay in the head about monsters coming to get her, but then Norah would cry and Morrigan felt bad and so she would hug her and tell her that Cuchulain would keep the monsters away. Norah closed her eyes and took measured breaths and listened for sound, any sound in the other rooms and wished Morrigan were here. She could always make things better.
