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Buckaroo Banzai:
Good and Evil:
The Death of Buckaroo
By Regalo3000
PG
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The battle had spread to the amusement park. Xan's men had received backup in the form of sleek black choppers that strafed the ground, aiming for Buckaroo's Strike Teams. Buck himself was in a Blue Blaze Chopper overseeing the battle. Suddenly they were hit. Get out, Buckaroo, the pilot was saying. Buckaroo nodded and made sure his parachute was secure, then he jumped out of the chopper, which moments later collided with a ferris wheel.
Then, one of Xan's choppers was hovering right in front of him, and then it opened fire, filling Buckaroo with bullets. Buckaroo descended to the earth his head drooped down, his chin touching his chest.
Those on the ground would remember Buck's death it as if it had occurred in slow motion. The body touching ground. The ambulance arriving. The weeping fans. The explosions. The screams. Someone finding a severed hand. "Call an ambulance!" someone was yelling.
Fire. Smoke.
Buckaroo Banzai was dying. The medics attempted to keep him alive. He kept on slipping in and out of consciousness.
I'll bet Xan had something to do with this, he tried to mumble, but it came out unintelligible.
The next thing he remembered he was being wheeled down a long corridor. He's gonna make it, New Jersey was saying.
There was a total stranger standing opposite New Jersey who said, If he doesn't, you guys are gonna have to find a replacement, aren't ya?
Replacement? thought Banzai.
No one can replace the boss, said Reno Nevada.
He was wheeled into a room, and the others were asked kindly to leave so they could attend to Buckaroo.
I heard, said Penny entering the waiting room. I came as fast as I could. How is he?
Burns like you couldn't believe, said Pinky Carruthers. Over ninety percent of his body.
The stranger commented again: Guess that'll do it for good looks, eh? No more album covers for him.
How can you be so cold at a time like this, Perfect Tommy was saying.
Buckaroo was looking down a long tunnel. Aw, crap, he said to himself. I know what happened. An explosion. I'm dead. He could feel the sides of the tunnel like hard metal but they were not cold to the touch. It didn't matter where he crawled there was no up no down to speak of. Then came the light at the far end. Bright but no hurtful to the eyes. Then came the indecision. What if I'm not dead yet? What if I'm only dead if I decide to go into the light? Replacement?
Yes, replacement, said a voice and Buckaroo spun around coming face to face with a stranger. You're caught between life and death. How do you like it? Suddenly there was fire at the other end of the tunnel, and the stranger was laughing.
I know you, said Buckaroo. I saw you. You said things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I say things. I'm a sayer of things. Nasty things. Yeah, yeah.
Are you the devil? asked Buck.
Him? He has such a nasty history, don't you think? I call myself Joe. Yes, I'm Joe.
Don't talk to him, said another voice, and Buckaroo spun around coming face to face with a man dressed in white. Never give evil your ear.
Look, guys, I'm confused. What do I do now?
Follow me, said the man in white. Into the light.
The stranger grabbed Buckaroo around the neck. There, there, pal. Take it easy. How do you know what this guy has to offer is all goodness and stuff, eh?
Let go of me.
Just hear me out for a minute. That fire is but a barrier between worlds. Once you cross it you're home free. It's a whole different ballgame on the other side. There's no suffering at all.
Let go.
Okay, okay, said the stranger letting go. But, you'll have a better time on my side.
Come, said the man in white, and Buckaroo followed.
You'll be missing out on a lot, said the stranger. Your wildest dreams come true on my side. Over there, it's always somebody else's dream come true. You'll be at their mercy for all eternity.
Buckaroo began to follow the man in white.
Wait, screamed the stranger, holding out a pack of playing cards. Here! Pick a card! Any card!
Buckaroo picked a card.
Now, put it back!
Buckaroo put it back.
The deck exploded in a cloud of dust and Peggy's image appeared. She's waiting for you, he said. Your wife is on my side, not his.
He lies, said the man in white. Peggy is with us.
Goodbye, said Buckaroo to the stranger.
You're making a big mistake, said the stranger grabbing Buckaroo's left hand and holding tight.
Let him go, said the man in white grabbing Buckaroo's right hand.
Now it was a struggle a tug of war as the two beings pulled Buckaroo this way and that, closer to the fire, then closer to the light, and back again.
Let go, screamed the man in white. Buckaroo, it is you that's holding on. Let him go!
Buckaroo let the stranger's hand go and for a moment he thought he saw himself fall into the fire, but, together Buckaroo and the man in white fell into the light.
So, this is heaven, said Buckaroo to the man in white. Sir, I could have sworn I saw myself fall into the fire.
That is so, said the man in white, he was there to pull out all the bad that was in you.
You mean I exist in some other realm.
This is so, for nothing that is evil can exist here.
Boy, you guys got your jobs cut out for you.
We're good at what we do, yes, but Joe has the worst job.
How's that?
He has to deal with an eternity of very cranky people.
He looked around and smiled. Peggy was walking towards him. And she was smiling too.
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