I looked up to the sky, it was brightly blue, there was no cloud, the sky was so clear with friendly gentle warm sunshine. It was a beautiful day.
I looked down and saw the coffin. There was Mike inside. My husband. My first boyfriend. Valerie's father. Mel put her arms around me; she threw a white rose onto the coffin. I held the white rose in my hands, it was so purely white, like my wedding gown. My mind flashed back to the days I first met Mike.
It was my last year in high school; a particular lonely year when all my girl friends started experimenting with different guys. That year I did well in exams, partly because of the aspiration to get into the university, partly because by focusing all my energy on school work, I could tell myself that I didn't need dates to make myself feel alive.
But there was Mike. Mike the soccer team captain. Mike the heartthrob. The day I saw him playing at the field, I knew he was in a different world than the one I was in. I was academic. He was sporty. I was going to enter the university. He was going to enter the workforce. I heard that the school should have expelled him last year but his soccer skills saved him. I heard that he was the heir to his Dad's company, not a big one, but good enough to secure him a above average life. I stood at the spectator stand and looked at him. He looked so cheerful, so energetic, so carefree, so different from me. I was always the pessimist; my friends all said that I had a pair of sad eyes. I did not feel particularly sad or depressed; it was just that, nothing could really thrill me. Perhaps I was not that easily amused after all, perhaps that was the reason why I didn't get a date. I checked my waist-watch, and it was time for me to get home and prepared for the test which came two days later. But I was there; standing still, couldn't take my eyes off Mike. It was his energy, the agility when he controlled the football with his feet, it was like magic, it seemed that nobody could ever steal the ball from him.
Besides me stood several girls, I glanced briefly at them and discovered their eyes were on the same man. I gave a quiet laugh. What was I thinking? Checking out a guy whom had so many "fans"? Suddenly I heard a whistle, it was the end of the game. Mike's team won. Strange enough, he was not running around the field hugging his teammates, he stood there, seemed to be looking at something really really far away, like he was planning something in his head. I was fascinated by such a quiet Mike. To me, he was never silent, never still.
One of his teammate ran towards him and gave him a big hug. Mike seemed to have woken by his teammate's action. The next minute, he turned and caught my eyes. I wanted to turn away but I couldn't, he seemed to be a magnet drawing me to him. I could not move my legs yet a question lingered in my mind, why would he catch my eyes instead of the girls standing right next to me?
The coach called. Mike turned and ran. I took my last look at him, and he turned to look at me while he was making his way to the gathered team. It was a magical moment. It was a secret communication between Mike and me in that second.
The next day Mike was waiting outside of the classroom in which I was having Literature class. I was surprised to see him. He walked up to me when I left the classroom, and he asked, "lunch?"
For a minute I could not respond, I blurted out, "what?"
"Do you mind having lunch with me?" Mike said and smiled. A smile so broad and lovely that I would not forget for my lifetime.
"Mmm...I wouldn't mind." I said and looked down, feeling my cheeks burned bright red. I could have given a witty remark. Oh whatever.
And there was our first date. For the next date, the next date of the next and the next, we didn't talk much, mostly school stuff, childhood dreams, movie stars, gossips in school etc. He was always the one who talked and I listened, he never ran out of topics, whenever we fell silent, the next minute he would come up with something to tell me. I felt happy, I admired Mike's energy, or to be exact, his restlessness, and I was suddenly the center of attention dating the heartthrob in school. I thought, perhaps Mike needed a quiet girl like me, the only difference between me and the other girls was that I was mute and they were loud.
It was Christmas. Mike and me sneaked off from the Christmas prom at school to his house. His parents were out of town having a second honeymoon. There was no one in his house. We sat in his bedroom sipping the champagne he has stolen from his father's collection. I didn't drink much but I felt drunk, everything I saw was a blur, and Mike's face merged with the tungsten light in the room. The next thing I knew was we were kissing and he gently unzipped my gown.
The next morning I woke up, with Mike all dressed up. He stroked my hair and then said he had to run for the soccer team practice. I was alone in his room, hurrying when I got dressed, half-afraid that any minute, his parents would returned. I felt lost, and I couldn't help thinking, my first time, seemed to be so unromantic.
The next month my period didn't come and I was pregnant. My mother negotiated with Mike's parents. Mike and me were getting married, with the plan of Mike working at his Dad's company and me giving up university to take care of the baby.
Thinking about it now, it seemed that Mike and me didn't have a say on the whole thing. He never said he wanted to marry me and I didn't even think of becoming a single mother. It was like, everything has to be done in such a way and any alternatives were simply out of the question.
Has Mike ever proposed to me?
Strangely, I could not remember.