| Happy Birthday |
| Today's your birthday and you should know, Your life's not over though you might think so, You still have years to get married and divorced two or three times, You can still have five or six kids, three or four of which will rebel and pursue lives of crime, Of course, you need to find a willing man first, Now hold on, don't let your bubble burst, You have at least ten years before a lightning strike is more likely than being wed, You've got probably 45 or 50 years till you're dead, Of course those 45 or 50 won't be all fun and games, Eventually you'll get senile and forget loved ones names, In your thirties you'll get wrinkles and body parts will start heading south, In your forties you can expect grey hairs and those little lines all around your mouth, The fifties mean menopause and eyeglasses for things that look blurry, The sixties bring a broken hip and that incontinence worry, If you make it to seventy you'll be lucky if you can still walk, Get ready for the ultimate humiliation when your dentures make you whistle while you talk, In your eighties your family will gather near and watch every wheeze and cough, Don't let them fool you, they're just waiting for the money they'll get when you finally kick off, So you see this birthday doesn't just mean you're one year closer to your dying day, It also mean senility, physical deterioration and the indignities of old age are on their way, So go out and get so drunk you can't speak, Cuz' if you ask me, the future looks terribly bleak. |
| Dedicated to my friend Jo on her 29th birthday. What can I say? I'm her rock. |