| (Tune: "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast.) Me: What a film It should win Best Picture See the art Hear the music play What a film Such an insperation But the critics just say... Critics: Thumbs up! Thumbs down! Thumbs up! Thumbs up! Thumbs down! Me: In all of history there is just one movie That has what all the others lack Never before or since Did a movie ever win Such a dear place in my heart as my Hunchback Peer: (spoken) Good morning Liesel. Me: Good morning! Peer: Where are you off to? Me: The movie theater. I'm going to see the most wonderful movie, about a bell ringer and a gypsy and a... Peer: That's nice. Hey Maggie! I'll bet double of nothing that John's going to ask you to the dance! (I shrug and walk away.) Critics: (sung) Look there it is, that movie's strange, no question Disney went really off their tracks Mature and sophisticated And it's heavy for the kids What a puzzle to us critics is Hunchback Hunchback fans: Hello Good day How's that fanfiction? Hello Good day. Esmeralda's cute I love that DVD When is the 2-disc? Me: Hang in there Quasi, someday you'll pull through! (I enter the movie theater) Theater guy: (spoken) Ah, Liesel! Me: Good morning, I'm coming to the movies again. Theater guy: Back here already? Me: Oh, I couldn't keep myself away! Did anything new open? Theater guy: Not since yesterday! Me: That's all right. One ticket to The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Theater guy: The Hunchback of Notre Dame? But you've seen it twice! Me: Well it's my favorite! Dazzling animation, wonderful characters, complex story, a sophiticated beauty! Theater guy: If you like it all that much, go in for free! Me: But sir! Theater guy: I insist! Me: Well thank you! Thank you very much! Critics: Look there it is, that movie's so peculiar Disney didn't cut any slack With so many layers in the plot And the heroine's so hot What a puzzle to us critics is Hunchback Me: Oooooh, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because, you'll see Heeeeeere's where she prays for her people And she'll be answered by a friendship with Quasi Critics: Now it's no wonder they call it an animation masterpiece There's nothing that the artwork lacks But behind that pretty art Disney wasn't very smart Very different from the other films... It's nothing like the other films... Yes different from the others films, Hunchback Eisner's assistant: (spoken) Wow, we never get a flop! Disney is the biggest movie studio in the whole world! Eisner: I know. Assistant: No other studio stands a chance against us! Eisner: It's true. Now listen, I want to make more money. Cut off the merchandice for that movie! Assistant: The Hunchback of Notre Dame?? Eisner: Yes, cut off all plans for attractions, merchandice, and anything else related to it! Assistant: But it's... Eisner: It wasn't a hit at the box office. Assistant: I know, but.. Eisner: That makes it worthless! And you know what I do to movies that are worthless! (sings) Right from the moment when we started production There was nothing the movie lacked It was highest quality But it didn't make money So I'm going to pretend I never made Hunchback Random critics commenting on random movies: Neat flick... Cool show... You call this acting? That set... It's great... A masterpiece Those effects... They stink... You must be joking Me: Hang in there Quasi, someday you'll pull through! Eisner: Forget it Quasi, we never made you! Critics: Look there it is, that movie's strange but special A groundbeaking Disney effort that It's a pity and a sin It doesn't quite fit in Cause it really is a strange movie... A beauty but a strange movie... It really is a strange movie... Hunchback Thumbs up... Thumbs down.. Thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs up, thumbs down (I look back at the critics and they start walking away. I shrug and continue watching the movie, knowing I understand it.) Back to Random Creative Works Back to Index |