"Surely you jest?", you must be saying right now. "It takes years and years of study and devotion to enter the priesthood, and between Tennis lessons and my job at Hooter's, I just don't have the time to learn how to lead my flock to greener spiritual pastures". Well, fear not! The Universal Life Church has come to the rescue, and made the once wearisome path to spiritual authority as simple as point and click! Just visit their website, fill out a simple form, and you can call yourself "Reverend", too, just like most of Chicago's Pagan clergy, most of whom were ordained the same way!

You don't even need to send in $40 to cover the cost of processing the application any more. Heaven forbid you should have to wait as long as three weeks to start performing marriages, like in the old days. Just click enter, and you're done. What could be more convenient than that? So, why wait? Sign up today, and ignore the thunder. It doesn't mean anything. Honest.