Some of These Apples

Jack was bored again. Carter was off taking soil samples and babbling something about naquada and thingamajigs, Daniel was off poking around in a pile of rocks that had markings from ancient something-or-other, and Teal'c was out patrolling to make sure there were no snakes in this garden.

He sighed, and wished that he had thought to bring along a yo-yo or a deck of cards. He let his P90 dangle on its strap as he leaned against a sturdy tree. "Damn trees, they're everywhere we go," he muttered to himself, knocking its bark with his knuckles.

"Excuse us for growing here, then," the tree boomed in his ear.

"Waaah!" Jack leapt away, grabbing his gun and pointing it at his former backrest. "You're alive?"

The tree harrumphed. "Of course I am!" It glared at him � quite strange, since it didn't seem to have any eyes. "You've never seen a talking tree before?"

"Uh...well, no, not really." Jack felt like an utter moron. Here he was, millions of lightyears from Earth, talking to a plant and worrying about its feelings. "I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas," he said lamely.

"Humans!" the tree scoffed. "Just stay out of my branches, you uncivilized monkey."

"Hey!" He couldn't just stand by and let the foliage insult him, could he?

"Jack."

"What?"

"Jack!"

Jack opened his eyes. Daniel was standing over him, one eyebrow raised. "Sorry that we bored you to sleep, but we're ready to head back home."

"Ah. Right. Lead on, then." As he got up, he shot a suspicious glance at the tree he'd been sleeping against, wanting to poke it just to make sure, but he restrained himself. Just in case.