2-1-7-Relationships

What questions do the priests and Levites ask John?  What do these questions reveal about the reason why they were sent?

Why does John respond so abruptly?  What would you have said in His situation?

What is John's goal in life (vv. 22-23, 26-27; also Isa 40:3-5)?

Since baptism only applied to Gentile converts to Judaism what is behind the Pharisees' cynical question (vv 24-25) and John's evasive answer (vv26-27)?

How does John finally answer their question about this baptism (vv30-31)?  What does he mean by calling Jesus the "Lamb of God" (v.29; see Ex12:1-13; Isa 53:7) and the "Son of God" (v34)?  What proof supports these claims?

What is your goal in life?  How would you compare your goals to a cooked steak: Half cooked?  Medium rare?  Medium well?  Well done?

Of the titles for Jesus given so far (the Word, the Light, the Christ, the Lamb of God, the Son of God), which means the most to you?  Why?

What is one "evidence" that has led you to faith in Jesus?

The Family of God

What did you become when you received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? A child of

To what family do you now belong?  To the family of

Who is the Father in this new family?

Jesus said: "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11)

According to Jesus' words, is our Heavenly Father More or Less loving than a human father?  He is loving.

Because we know that our Heavenly Father loves and cares for us, we do not need to worry.

Jesus said: "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'" (Matthew 6:31).

In this verse, the word Worry is talking about the troubled believing people have when their situation seems to be hopeless.  But, for the believer, this troubled feeling is not really necessary.

Perhaps you are saying to yourself: "How can I help but worry about food and clothing and a place to live?" Jesus gave us the answer.  "So do not worry,... your heavenly Father knows that you need them." (Matthew 6:31, 32).

What should a child of God do when he doesn't know where or how to get food, clothing, or a place to live?  Trust God to provide these things.

Many people worry and are troubled about what they will eat and wear in the coming days. "The pagans run after all these things." (Matthew 6:32)

There is something else that we must remember about our Heavenly Father.  The Bible Says: "Be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5)

What an exciting relationship we have with the Creator of the world!  You can call God "Father," and he calls you "My son" or "My daughter".  However, belonging to God's family means that we also have Brothers and Sisters as well as a Heavenly Father; everyone who has received Christ as Lord.

Jesus gave the following commandment to his followers.  It shows what our attitude is to be toward our brothers in Christ; "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:12)

Of course, the child of God must love all people, not just other believers.

Jesus said that we are to love as he loves.  We know that Jesus does not only love those people who are good looking and nice to be with.  He loves all people.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." (1 John 3:16)

Jesus said: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33).  Our Heavenly Father has promised to provide our needs if we are faithful and obedient children, seek his kingdom and his righteousness.

Relationships

Components of small-group life

The four components of small-group life-nurture, worship, community and missions-are vital to a healthy group.

Establish a covenant

Covenant definition = an agreement among group members, concerning both the groups purpose and its methods for achieving that purpose.

A covenant clarifies a group's purpose.  There are fewer disappointments and conflicts later on.  In the event problems arise, the covenant can be used to solve them.  Often a commitment will provide the strength to continue when things get tough.  A covenant agreed upon by all gives ownership to all members, and guards against a leader centered group.

"Choke" A Group

As part of a small group study, we have covered many things that choke the life from a group.  Here is a list:

Overcoming Problems

Some of the skills needed in effective home-group meetings involve problem-solving.  Every group has problems.  Some common ones, with possible solutions are:

1. A member who will participate.  Try to involve him in conversation.  Find out about his personal involvements, and listen with interest to what he says.  Devote sometime to him outside your regular meeting, one-on-one.  When he does take part in the group, make a special note of it: "That's a good point, Paul.  I appreciate your input."  Give this person eye contact.

2. A member who is argumentative and obstinate.  Keep your temper, and do not let the group get tense and excited.  Examine what he says carefully, and try to find the good in it.  You might privately explain to him that his view is important, but that he must not destroy the group's effectiveness by his insistence.  Visit one-on-one and find out if there is a personal problem.

3. The group is confused, and complains they have been wasting time.  Provide agendas and systematic approaches to discussion.  make sure a clear, constructive purpose if fulfilled at each meeting.

4. Group apathy.  Find out if you have overlooked any important aspect's of the group's life together.  Remember the four components: worship nurture, community, and mission.  Check to see if any of the four are missing.  Display enthusiasm and energy until it is caught by the group.

5. A group that is resistant, antagonistic or hostile.  Analyze members abilities.  Assess the most useful role for each member, and support members who assume suitable roles.  Remind the group their purpose.  Be creative in using people's gifts.

6. The presence of conflict.  There are seven steps to take in dealing with conflict:
   a.  Confront the conflict when it is small, instead of waiting until it grows larger.
   b.  Try to deal with issues and not personalities.
   c.  Recognize others feelings and concerns.
   d.  Focus on facts instead of what someone is attempting to manipulate.
   e.  Maintain a trusting and friendly attitude.
   f.  Clarify whether one or several issues must be dealt with, and deal with one issue at a time.
   g.  Have all parties in the conflict at one meeting (not necessarily a home-group meeting), and reason with all.  Pray prior to this meeting.  Often, if there is no prayer prior to such a confrontation, it will turn to criticism, gossip or judgment.

7. Handling interruptions.  Anticipate interruptions, and plan thee meeting in such a way as to minimize them.  When interruptions do occur, give them simple recognition, and go on.  Remember, not all interruptions are bad; some might represent opportunities for learning.  An example of a divine interruption maybe a phone call telling of a member of the group inn the hospital.  Pray for the need.

8. A bad idea is given.  Never totally reject any idea.  Try to relate the negative and explore the good in the idea.  Affirm the idea-giver, tells someone they are stupid.  If you do, trust will be totally destroyed and no one else will speak.  You might say, "That's interesting..  What do the rest of you think?"  The group will have soft ways to deal with the idea.  "That's interesting" is a neutral statement.

Leadership characteristics

1.  Be thoroughly prepared.

The vast majority of Americans expect poor service.  In our small groups and our church, we must display excellence.  Be prepared.

2.  Be available.

Be available before and after the class, and during the week, as needs arise.

3.  Believe.

Display a strong faith.  Show others how God has worked in your life, and be able to direct them to Scripture.

4.  Be understanding.

Participants come to a group with different needs and at different stages of spiritual and emotional growth.  Recognize the differences and respond accordingly.

5.  Be relevant.

People are looking for application of what they learn to their life.  How will this group help each member?  Outline and emphasize the benefits of being a member of a small group.

6.  Be an encourager.

Build people up in the Lord.  Be affirming.  Remember that people walk around caring a sign that reads "Make Me Feel Important."  As leader, you will set the tone for the whole group; if you are a good model, others will follow your lead (1 Corinthians 14:12).

7.  Be resistant to gossip.

"And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment." (Matthew 12:36).  Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)

8.  Be a learner.

Leaders must be learners.  You must attend training, read relevant recommended materials, and share what works and doesn't work with other leaders.

9.  Be flexible.

There will be exceptions to all rules.  Schedules may have to be adjusted to meet the needs of the group and the church.  For example, during a revival at your church, your group may not meet, but instead attend the revival, sit together, and bring friends.

10.  Be dedicated to follow up.

Follow-up adds depth to your group.  Many people are lonely hurting, and are dealing with tough issues alone.  Regular personal contact will reflect a caring leader who models the Christian life.

Methods of follow-up

1. Family information.  A form must be kept to let us know as much about each member as possible, so when a crises or need arises we are ready.

2. Prayer journal.  keeping a record of prayer requests allow you to be updated on a need in a contact's life.  It also allows you to share a victory with your group when prayer is answered.  Show several sample prayer journals, which can be purchased at any Christian bookstore.  These make excellent incentive give-aways in training.

3. Phone calls.  We all want people to like, to care for and encourage us.  Try to call members of your group just to see how they are.  Call when things are going well, and when they are not.  If you cannot make all the calls, appoint someone in the group to help.

4. Card, letters, and emails.  When a member is absent, email, cards or letters can be a real encouragement.  It is fun to bring a card to the small group meeting and have all the members sign it.

5. Personal visits. When a member of your group is sick, has a family crisis, or has another type of need, make a personal visit if possible.

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers-not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be not greedy for money, but eager to serve, not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.  And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. (1 Peter 5:2-4)

Conducting a Small-Group Meeting

1.  Use sharing questions.

2.  Recognize that each member of the group has a part to play.  

Never do anything that group members can do for themselves.  A good leader guides the group with a firm vision of important goals, while allowing members the freedom and creativity necessary for growth.

3.  Stop-look-listen.

"Stop" on time.  "Look" at the groups reactions, "Listen" for someone dominating the conversation.

4.  Use humor effectively.

Natural humor builds cohesion and breaks tension.  Try a humorous history giving exercise, to which members bring old photos of themselves.

5.  Be creative.

Use creativity in planning all areas of group activities.  For example, place an empty chair to symbolize a  person the group wants to win to Christ.  Pray for a person you would like to occupy that chair.

6.  Recognize the stages of a group's growth.

Recognition of the group's current stage will clearly benefit the leadership.  The stages are:

1. Pre contact stage, as the members are first invited to participate.

2. Orientation stage, a time of attraction and/or repulsion.

3. Power and control stage, finding one's particular role.

4. Trust stage, a time of belonging and unity.

5. Differentiation and change stage, wanting something new or different.

6. Conclusion or new beginning.

7.  Recognize the roles various members play.

Recognizing roles facilitates problem-solving and understanding the dynamics of the group.  People-oriented roles include: the advocate, who encourages others; the tension reliever, who relieves tension by joke-telling or directing attention from a tense subject.  Task-oriented roles include: the clock watcher, who makes sure everything is done properly and on time; the summarizer, who reminds the group where it has been; the energizer, who stimulates others to work toward a goal.  There are several roles that the leader should actively encourage: 

Commission Others

A good leader knows how to develop leadership.  Only when each member of your group buys into group ownership will he or she truly feel he or she belongs.  It will take time to get acquainted with members of your group, perhaps as long as two months.  Always be on the look-out for a gifted person.  For instance, call on a natural singer to lead singing, or ask if anyone will serve as worship leader for the group.  Continue this process until you have appointed all to positions of leadership.  Some members may have more unusual talents.  If you have an amateur photographer,  let him serve as your small-group photographer, and create a scrapbook.  Be flexible.  Don't be confined by job descriptions.  Encourage group members to make a commitment.  Pray together.

Successful Bible Study

1.  Pray.

Pray for people in your group every day.  Post their names where you can see them regularly, on your bathroom mirror, or car dashboard.  Leaders should intercede in prayer for those under their care, and pray also for God's guidance.  (See Ephesians 6:18-20).

2.  List needs.

List both general and specific needs of group members.  Your prayer diary and family information sheets can be very helpful.  Each person's expectations, needs, or reasons for attending may be different.  Be prepared by knowing this in advance.

3.  Research.

Always collect more information than you plan to use when you lead the Bible discussion.  If you are using a published Bible study guide, work through the lesson without the aid of the leader's notes to understand problems members might encounter.

4.  Know the material.

Be flexible with the lesson, and do not expect a single response to a question.  Allow participants freedom to explore the material, and you be the guide, not the expert.  Thorough knowledge will help you keep the group on track, confirming responses with appreciation and affirmation, and generally directing the discussion (See Titus 2:7-8).

5.  Realize there are different types of learners.

We assume others learn as we do, but that is not necessarily true.  There are four types of learners.  Your challenge is to motivate the types found in your group.  The four types are: what, why, how, and results learners.

1. The What learner's primary concern is for information.  He likes memorizing word studies, and working with concordances.  While these activities would bore others, they motivate the what learner.  Give this learner an assignment to research a passage of Scripture or do a word study.

2. The why learner's primary concern is personal meaning.  He likes to be personally involved, to interact with others, listening and sharing.  Discussing God's Word with others motivates this person.

3. The how learner's primary concern is application.  How does it work, and how can it be applied?  He likes to try things for himself.  When you study a parable (for example, with an emphasis on loving your neighbor), he says, "All right, how do I do that?"

4. The results learner's primary concern is action.  He is interested in the results, once something has been applied.  You, as leader, need to offer results.  For example: "If you apply this principle in your life... then..."

Read the Scripture:

"Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means." (2 Corinthians 8:11, NIV).

Homework

Case Studies

What would you do if...

1.  It is time to begin, and no more than half your expected group is present?

Sample response:  Start on time, no matter what.  Begin in prayer.  When more of your group is present, explain the need to begin on time.

2.  Group members arrive after your discussion is already under way.

Briefly acknowledge, then continue.

3.  A Christian in your group  displays a superior attitude.

That person is insecure and has low self-esteem.  Model openness and vulnerability and perhaps this will catch on.  Treat him or her like other people.  Do not allow this person to dominate the conversation.

4.  Your newly organized group includes five nonbelievers and eight believers.

Seize the great opportunity that you have to develop a relationship.  Be sensitive to the nonbeliever.  Don't overload with Christian jargon.  make the lesson application-oriented.  Meet with Christians and have them help with the non-Believers.

5.  After you have finished discussing a question, you knotice some puzzled expressions.

Clarify.  Ask questions to make sure everyone understands a point before moving ahead.

6.  You have asked the group a question, and their is no response.

Rephrase the question.  Give the group time to think of an answer.  If there is still no response, answer thee question yourself.

7.  A non-Christian begins to ask some questions in the group setting about man's relationship to Christ.

Briefly comment, then use the time as an opportunity to share the gospel after the meeting.

8.  A group member insists on the truth and importance of a particular church doctrine pr practice.

Prompt the group to respond.  lead the group into a discussion of what they agree on, and warn against "passing judgment on disputable matters" (Romans 14:1, NIV)

9.  You cannot control your nerves.

Be honest.  Disarm the situation by admitting your weakness.  Have a helper lead, if necessary.

10.  Someone gives an absolutely incorrect answer.

Affirm their attempt to contribute, then get the group to respond.  Point out Scripture that clarifies the correct answer.

11.  You are studying a passage on marriage, and someone in the group asks how you feel about divorcees remarrying.

This may be a trap; do not get off track.  Ask, "Why did you ask that question?"  Then, build a future study around that question or agree to discuss it further in private.

12.  The group constantly goes off on tangents instead of following the curriculum.

Ask the group why they find it so difficult to keep on track: Re-evaluate the relevance of your curriculum.  Create an outline and follow it carefully.

13.  Someone is very uncomfortable with the Bible's teaching on a wife's relationship to her husband.

Accept and acknowledge her discomfort but don't get sidetracked in to a detailed discussion.  Offer to discuss it further at a later time, in private.

14.  One of the members talks on every issue.

Use body language.  Don't make eye contact.  Sit next to the person.  Visit after the session.  Re-direct questions.  Change seating in the group.  Give the talkative member an assignment.

15.  Several group members bother others by continuing a private discussion.

Ask the chatting members to respond to a question.  Call them by name and ask a question.  if the problem persists, address the issue privately after the meeting.

16.  Someone who is obviously prepared for the study does not share in the group discussion.

Ask them, "Do you have anything to add?"  Talk to the person after the meeting.  There may be something in their personal life that is bothering them.

17.  In the middle of a lively and fruitful discussion, you realize you have only three minuets left and another question.

If needs are being met, continue.

18.  A person who has been defensive about his or her religious beliefs drops out.

Establish one-on-one contact, and build a loving and trusting relationships.  Express interest by continuing to invite the person to the group.

19.  New Christians ask for opportunities for spiritual growth and sharing.

Plan your curriculum to meet the needs of all group members.  Put new Christians with seasoned Christians for disciplining.

20.  You cannot give group members enough time.

Divide the group into prayer partners, and always have a support person lead.  You may need to consider starting a new group.

21.  New Christians from the group are beginning to come to church, but say  they do not feel welcome.

Invite these new Christians to attend a small group.  Follow up with a phone call and personal visit.  Ask them to go to church with you.

22.  You want to spin off a new group from the existing one, but you only have two current members interested.

Remember, "Where two or three are gathered..." (Matthew 18:20).

Spiritual Exercise-How long is a minute.

This exercise requires a timepiece with a second hand or digital readout of seconds, as well as paper and pencil/pen.  Start by just sitting and watch the second hand moves for one minute.  Now try the same thing, but record your thoughts during this minute.

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