Have a “lot” of eggs (friends) in your basket. It is unhealthy to expect “one” friend to fill your every need. Each friend has something “different” to add to your life. You in turn, add something to their life. Let’s not be self-centered and always “want” (we can be draining) from the other, but “give” to the other’s life as well. A healthy friendship always “encourages“-isn’t negative (Eph. 4:29).

Friends take “time” out of our daily lives. How much time do you have for cultivating friends? Remember not to make more friends than you have time for-friends take time. If you don’t work you will have more time to spend with friends than your sister who does work.

There are different levels of intimacy with friends. We could have an inner circle (Jesus with Peter, James, & John), a larger circle of friends (Jesus with the 12 disciples), and an even larger circle of not quite so intimate friends (Jesus with the 70 disciples he sent out to minister). You could have one special friend (Jesus & John the “beloved” disciple, Jn. 13:23) or (David & Jonathan, 1 Sam. 18:1). Friends aren’t necessarily those you minister with (Jesus with Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus). Friends aren’t necessarily you biological family.

There are different kinds of friends. Some are: Daily Basis Friends are neighbors and work associates, Specialty Friends share aspects of our lives in church/club/support group/etc., Friends of Memory share the past in school/neighborhood friends/friends of organizations and camps/etc, Touchstone Friends share past memories reminding us of who we “were” and who we are now having changed, Friends of the Moment flare into intimacy because of common goals or involvement/brief encounter and have enormous influence as in a hospital situation with cancer, Forever Friends of the Heart are our soul-mates that we connect deeply with and are a major part of our life’s blessing as in spirituality.

BOUNDARIES-Unhealthy Relationships & Expectations. We must never “control” our friends or let ourselves be controlled by them (we have the choice to say “no” to a controlling person). If we don’t return their continual phone calls, etc., they’ll get the hint (back off slowly if you’re being controlled). Let your friends “be themselves”-never expect perfectionism.

Friends are ever changing. They get married, start classes, and have babies-and have less time for your friendship. Don‘t “hang on” making them feel guilty. Let go saying, “I’ll miss my time with you.” Wish them well in their new endeavor. New friends will come along to fill that void.

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” -Edna Buchanan