This article (the words in black) appeared in the July/August 2004 issue of Lutheran Parent magazine. I want to explain why I really wrote the article. It was one of the hardest things I've ever written - not because what's here is so incredible - but because I had to survey a lot of inner terrain to get to this point. The article was called "Five things I want for my children," but that is not really what it is about. I didn't write it for my children. I wrote it for my synod - and my church. Since the magazine is ending, they gave me 1300 words to write my "last words" for parents. For me, it was an opportunity to attempt to put into words some of my concerns for our synod and my own church.

I was on the council for Lutheran Parent for over five years, and during that time, I watched things change - not just at the magazine, but in my synod in general. I am no great expert, and I'm not a synod insider. What I see is just that - what I see. Perhaps my concerns are for nothing. Perhaps all these things that are happening are good things. But, maybe not. Maybe there was a reason that God gave me an opportunity to speak, not just to Lutheran parents, but to the people at the magazine and at the synod offices. Still, I couldn't speak directly to those things that concern me - and I only had 1300 words to use. That's why this article was so hard to write. And, in the end, perhaps what I was trying to communicate was so obscure that no one will get any message beyond the surface one.

It took me many months to decide to put this article online. It's been hard to try to tell people my real concerns. I didn't write this to make anyone angry. I just want you to know how I feel about what's happening around me. I'm nobody special, and who am I to say that these things are real? Plenty of others - pastors, synod leaders, respected men - see no problems. Maybe there are none, and I'm seeing things where there is nothing to see. I'm kind of scared to say these things too loudly, and yet, I just have to speak. I've been having such a hard time the last couple of years, and I really don't want to make it worse. I don't want to be any part of creating factions or fostering ill will. But, I just have to speak. I have to say this. You can do with it what you will. I can't be the only one feeling this way. Maybe there are very few, but there must be SOME of us.

I am convinced that my pastors are convinced that they will never lose the real message. I hope that they won't - that they will always be uncompromising in declaring that the problem is sin - and that Jesus is the answer. But, I've seen how easily the focus shifts, even with people who truly know the real answer. I have only to think back as far as the "I am a Christian" television ads to see how easily we're persuaded that we need to "cushion" our message. Instead of clearly proclaiming the gospel, we spent hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not more) turning Christianity into a club that it's OK to belong to.

This was a tough one, because in my view, some of what I see going wrong is coming from people that we're supposed to trust. Our pastors and leaders are thoroughly trained, and if they say something, it's because they've studied it and know it to be true. They would never manipulate our views. They are godly men, doing God's work. They know a lot better what's right than those in the pews.

How hard it is for me to say this, but I've seen first hand that this is not always true. "Consensus building" is seen as simply good leadership. Books and ideas are endorsed that are laden with problems. Meanwhile, most of our people sit and nod with enthusiasm. They think they know their Bibles because they've studied Luther's Catechism.

I'm so sorry - and scared - to be saying this, but I think that if the WELS falters, it's not going to come from any outside attack. It's not going to come from lack of funds or falling membership. It's going to come from our own leadership - men who are trusting secular methods more than God - men who know on one side of their head what's good and right and true - but for some reason are turning to things that are not with the other side.

This is a big concern to me, and I personally believe that if we continue to put an emphasis on "discovering our spiritual gifts," that problems with pride are going to be inevitable. Why did Paul write about the spiritual gifts? What was he trying to get across? In Romans, right before the spiritual gifts section, why does he say, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." What was the point he was making to the Corinthians? Why is the whole love chapter stuck in between the gifts sections? To me, it seems as though one of his points is that an overemphasis or preoccupation with spiritual gifts is a sign of immaturity.

And, how are we going to determine those gifts? By taking what amounts to secular psychology tests? If a room full of unbelievers took the same tests, would they come up with a list of their "spiritual gifts?" If my gift is supposedly ABC but a task requires XYZ, will I fail to take it on, even though that is where God is leading me? Or, will I always think I have to take on some ABC thing, even though that is not where God wants me?

We're already having a problem with pride. I can see it, growing right in front of me. I know how easily it happens, because it sneaks up on me, too. I wonder if we're failing to recognize it in our churches, though - perhaps because we believe we're actually doing God's work. "Look what we're doing for you, Lord! Look how our ministry is growing! See how we're reaching the lost for you! This is the mission of our church; see how we're fulfilling it."

Lately I just feel like God is saying, "If this is for me, then why didn't you seek MY will in it? Did you allow ME to grow this 'vision' in you? Or did you listen to men? If this is for me, why do you turn to the world's methods to 'market' this message? Do you not realize that there is a reason why these things work everywhere, even in those places that have turned away from me and my Word?"

Our people know better. Our leaders know better - and yet we're jumping on the "Purpose Driven" bandwagon anyway. Why? Why are we endorsing something so foreign to our Lutheran theology? I'm just barely grasping the difference between Spirit-led and law-driven, and yet the problems with this book and these ideas are obvious to me. And, this one book is just the tip of the iceberg. It really is a trap, and I don't understand why more people don't recognize it. Here is something I wrote on that particular book:

I recently found out that one WELS pastor worked out a deal with Rick Warren to produce his own version of the book. Apparently it is the same book, just with some "Baptist" theology removed. Sigh. Other WELS pastors do not endorse the book yet are promoting the same concepts. I visited NPH bookstore a few months ago and found literally shelves of PDL-type books. One Parish Services office newsletter was pushing a book for "purpose driven" youth ministry. My concern is not just with this book, but with the philosophy that is overtaking our churches.

Where is the trust in God that we ought to have? Why are we hiring "capital funds" companies to help us raise money? If our numbers are dropping in the synod, shouldn't we be seeking God with all our hearts - not hiring outside companies or adopting techniques that work equally well in any religion?

If our churches want to build, why aren't we praying and seeking God's will about it? If that is really what God wants, won't He supply the funds? Why do we talk about "building the case" for construction projects instead of simply seeking God's will for us? Are we going to properly market our needs so that our people buy into our vision? Our purpose. Our vision. What "techniques" were used for us to "catch the vision?" Is it truly what God wants for us? How do we know? What have we done to find out? Again, I'm on the outside looking in, but from this position, it doesn't appear that we have truly sought God's will on this.

It particularly bothers me to hear people quote something they heard at this conference or that church - and hear the exact same words that were used with us. Words that I know were used as "consensus building," because I was there. I know how consensus building works, because I was taught the techniques and once bought into it. We used to call it "getting everyone on the same page." I, myself, am guilty of using it and never acknowledging it for what it was - moving people to a predetermined outcome and getting them to think it's their idea. It works very well, but it's not good leadership. It's deliberate manipulation. I repent of having done it.

There is nothing unbiblical about construction projects. There is nothing wrong with wanting more space. There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to reach the lost! However, there is something wrong when the words used to help us "catch the vision" come not from the Bible, not from people sincerely seeking God's will, but from men quoting Peter Wagner! (For goodness sakes, that man is completely apostate! And yet we're going to quote him as though he had something to offer us???) There is something wrong when our leaders use "consensus building" techniques on us. There is something wrong when decisions are made behind closed doors and then those decisions need to be "marketed" to the congregation. There is something wrong when we hire companies that are simply marketing firms, regardless of the Christian terminology that they use.

Sometimes I feel like I'm dying inside. My worship of God and "church" have become two entirely separate things. I just want to be that toddler, trusting God to lead me, to scoop me up and carry back to the right path. I want to go to church and worship with all my heart with my fellow believers. I don't want to be so confused. I'm having an attitude problem and surely that is sinful.

Lord, I don't know what to do about how I feel about these things. Please help us. Please guide us. If we are going the wrong way, please show us. If we are going the way you want, then help me to understand and accept it.

Please, please, heavenly Father. Give us the faith of little children. Draw us back to you. Help us to trust you with our whole hearts.