�I can�t believe they finally agreed,� I heard Brian say.
�Yeah well she is getting big. It was either make the announcement or ship her big ass back home in a van with blacked out windows,� AJ replied. We were standing at the catered food table backstage and I was directly behind them.
�She is getting big and quick too,� Brian replied with a little chuckle. Instantly, I thought of Nick and Jessica.
�It took them forever to decide when they�d announce it. I heard Nick arguing with his publicist over the phone, yesterday. It was ugly.�
Was Nick about to announce Jessica�s pregnancy and if so, when? I thought. AJ stepped away from the table carrying a plate of food and shot me a quick smile. I gave him what I hoped was a good sincere smile but I felt more like I was grimacing. I was about to ask Brian what he was talking to AJ about but, thought better of it. I had to find Nick and speak to him immediately. He could not announce to the world that Jessica was pregnant. If it ever came out that it wasn�t his he�d look like a complete fool.
I had a slight problem in locating Nick because I hadn�t the slightest idea where he was. I didn�t want to bring attention to myself and I was sure that running out of the room with an empty plate in hand would do just that. I stood at the table a minute or two more trying to look like I was deciding what to get. I finally grabbed a slice of cantaloupe, a slice of watermelon and some grapes. I then went to the end of the table and grabbed a bottle of water and a napkin, to make it look real. After all that, I walked as calmly as I could out of the room.
There were few places in the arena that Nick could hide. So I didn�t think finding him would be too difficult. Then I thought he could be on his bus with Jessica and that could pose a problem when it came time for me to expose her. I had just checked the makeup room, poked my head back into the food room, he wasn�t anywhere near the arcade games then something told me to go onstage. I climbed one of the ladders the Boys use to get on and off stage during the show. I found Nick sitting at the end of the stage lazily strumming a guitar as he looked off into space.
I didn�t know what to say. It was obvious that he was looking for some solitude. While I didn�t want to interrupt that, what I had to tell him was very important. I walked closer to him. Standing a few feet away I said,
�It�s amazing how quiet these places get when they�re empty.� He didn�t look at me, he just kind of nodded. I took a few steps closer. �Mind if I sit down?� I asked.
�It�s a free country,� he said still not looking at me. I sat my plate of fruit on one side between the two of us and my bottle of water on the other side before sitting next to him. I was trying to gauge his mood before I said anything. He seemed subdued. Not that he would take this news better if he were in a happy mood.
�Want a grape?� I offered.
�No, thanks. What do you want, Alexis?� he asked turning to look at me for the first time. For a minute, I was at a loss for words. How do you tell someone you care so deeply for something that will hurt them so completely?
�Can I ask you something Nick?�
�You just did.�
�Come on, you know what I mean.�
�If I say �no� you�ll ask anyway so, go ahead and ask.�
�Ok. When are you going to announce that Jessica�s pregnant?� He paused and turned to look at me.
�That�s a very personal question, not to mention, none of your business. Is that what you came up here for? To be nosy?�
�Yes but it�s not what you think. I asked because I heard Brian and AJ talking and I-�
�You are being nosy. What is wrong with you? Now, you�re stooping to eavesdropping.�
�No! Nick listen to me, please. It�s important that you hear everything that I have to say,� I pleaded grabbing his arm. He didn�t say anything as he sat back pushed the guitar aside and folded his arms across his chest. I took a breathe before launching into my tale.
�I was standing behind them at the food table a minute ago and I heard them talking. I swear I wasn�t eavesdropping. I asked what I did because I have something very important to tell you that will cancel your announcement.�
�How do I know this is true? And what in the world could you say to cancel that?�
�You can ask AJ and Brian yourself. They probably don�t know I heard them or knew what they were talking about but, I know they saw me standing right behind them.�
�Ok. Answer my other question.�
�A. . . a question�.of paternity,� I said quietly.
�A question of- don�t tell me you�re still on that. Didn�t we already have this argument?�
�Yes but, this time is different. I heard Jessica talking on her cell phone when we were at that radio thingy in Charlotte. We were both in the ladies room and I heard her tell her mother, of all people, that the baby wasn�t yours.�
�Really? Where were you when you �heard� all of this?�
�I was in the stall but, I wasn�t eavesdropping. I got in there first and when she came in, I hid. I didn�t want another confrontation with her.�
�I don�t believe you. The last time I talked to you all you could talk about was the possibility that the baby isn�t mine. Now, you tell me that you just happen to be there when Jessica confessed to her mother that the baby really isn�t mine. I don�t believe you!�
�I�m telling the truth! I really am! Nick, believe me when I say, I would not lie about something like this. What would I have to gain?�
�I don�t know. And I don�t know what the hell you have to gain. Why don�t you tell me.�
�I don�t have anything to gain, I don�t. If your girlfriend has you believing that this child is yours then, that�s something you�re going to have to deal with eventually. One day you�ll find out the truth and then you�ll be worse off because you would have begun to love that kid. This isn�t just bad for you Nick, think about what this could do to the child. If it ever came out that he or she wasn�t yours then that child will have to deal with the idea of the person that�s raised him and loved him isn�t his or her father. Then he or she would probably want to find it�s real father. What if the real father doesn�t want to be found? What if the real father doesn�t want anything to do with him or her? See Nick, this whole thing is a little bigger than just you,� I said standing and walking a few feet away from him. The entire scenario was getting to me; bringing up painful images of my own childhood but, that�s another story.
�Why do you care so much?� he asked probably noticing that it was getting to me.
�I just do. Ok?�
�Excuse me if I have a little trouble believing you about all this,� he said.
�You don�t believe me?� I asked shocked.
�No, I don�t! Why are you surprised?! You practically told me yourself that this would happen! Now, when you find out that I�m about to make it official, you decide to tell me that it actually did happen! That doesn�t seem odd to you?!� he yelled back at me
�I�m not lying, Nick! I wouldn�t lie about something like this!� I yelled back. In the empty arena our voices seemed louder than normal and had a slight echo to them. I�m sure someone had to have heard us.
�How do I know that? I barely know you, Alexis! God, you get on my nerves so much you know that? I barely know your ass and you piss me the fuck off like no one else! Not even Kevin can piss me off this much! Even when he�s being as anal as he can get!�
�I don�t do it on purpose! Why are you getting angry with me? Is it because it took someone you barely know to get through to you? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to write this out in my own blood, Nick? That baby that Jessica is carrying is not yours!�
He stood staring at the floor, shaking his head, and repeatedly running his hands through his already tousled hair. The silence that stretched between us was unbearable. Nick was still in denial and I knew I had to get him to believe me. There was no way I could let him make that announcement.
�How much would you believe me if I told you that she said the baby is Jake�s and that it was a good thing that you called her back when you did?� I asked quietly. He looked up at me with an almost incredulous expression on his face.
�She said that?�
�Almost word for word.�
�Jake. Her ex-boyfriend,� he said quietly. I watched some of the color slowly drain from his face. I softened. Nick had never told me about Jake or his suspicions about him and Jessica before this conversation. There was no other way for me to know about it thus, proving I was telling the truth.
�I can only assume who he is. The only description I heard was that he�s �an asshole� who �fucks like a madman�,� I replied. The last of the color in his cheeks drained away only the tips of his ears remained red.
�Are you sure you heard all of this? Did anyone else hear her?�
�No, I imagined it. Of course, I�m sure. I don�t know if anyone else heard her but, we were alone in the bathroom.� He stared at me for a full minute.
�I swear if you�re lying or if you misheard all of this I�m going to have you fired and you�ll never work again.�
�Sure you are. On some level you believe me. You of all people should know what kind of person Jessica is. I didn�t mishear a thing. She was pregnant with someone else�s baby and knew it before she came back to the tour.�
For a while he didn�t say anything, just sat back down at the edge of the stage and started strumming while looking off into space again.
�Aren�t you going to say anything?� I asked anxiously. I reclaimed my seat next to him. I expected screaming and yelling, not what appeared to be quiet acceptance.
�Why are you just now telling me? We were in Charlotte like three days ago.�
�I was afraid to tell you.�
�Why?�
�Because after that argument we had, I figured you wouldn�t believe me. I thought I should try to regain your trust first. Which is why I suddenly started talking to you again.�
�Oh,� he said and continued strumming the guitar. I stared at him for a minute but he just continued strumming lazily.
�That�s it?�
�Yeah. What more do you want me to say?�
�I don�t know. . . something. You�re taking this better than I expected and it�s kinda freakin� me out. Aren�t you. . . angry?�
�Fuck yeah I�m angry! If Jessica were here right now you�d see just how angry I am. I�m also kind of tired especially, when it comes to her and her bullshit. I�m not going to lie to you Alexis, at first, I did not want to be a father; not now, not like this and especially not with her. When you said you suspected the baby to not be mine, I secretly hoped you were right.�
�I didn�t want to be right. I just wanted you to be cautious.�
�No it�s ok. You were looking out for me, I get it. It�s funny, because I was starting to get used to the idea of being a father. I didn�t like it and I wanted to resist it but it was there. I�d see Brian with Baylee or even talking about him sometimes and he�d be so happy. I�d think, Wow, that�s going to be me someday. Even if I didn�t love the kid�s mother, I would definitely love him. . . . or her. I was going to teach him the drums, if it were a boy.�
�What if it were a girl?� I asked. He thought about it for a minute.
�I�d teach her to play, too,� he replied. I laughed. I could only imagine him teaching a baby just grasping the concept of walking and standing the drums. He looked at me and laughed too.
�You can still do all of that. This time with the right person,� I said. He looked at me, our eyes met and held.
�I know that. It�ll be better then, too,� he said with a slight smile. I looked away.
�So what are you going to do?� I asked before popping a grape into my mouth.
�Well I�m going to get rid of Jessica, this time for good. I don�t care what anyone thinks.�
�She isn�t going to be �sleeping with the fishies� is she?�
�No� not because of me anyway. I�m just going to send her home and let her know that it�s definitely and completely over between us.�
�You might want to call your publicist first,� I said.
�You�re right,� he said popping one of my grapes into his mouth.
�I thought you didn�t want a grape.�
�I changed my mind,� he said shooting me a goofy grin.
