Becoming The Ultimate Wrestler Part II: The Gimmick/Attitude Aspect

( Chris Naggs sighs as he hears the topic for the promo they are fixing to do. Chris Staggs is no where to be found as Chris Naggs picks up the newspaper and begins to read it. Just then the lights go dark as Chris Naggs puts down the paper and looks around as a single light is shown as Chris Staggs is in pure black )

[ Chris Naggs:] What the hell?

[ Chris Staggs:] HE DIED WHILE I WAS PLAYING GAMEBOY!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!? HE DIED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. HE DIED IN MY ARMS TONIGHT!!! THAT SONG ROCKED! WHY MUST GOD ALWAYS PLAY CAT AND MOUSE WITH MY EMOTIONS!!! WHY NAGGSY WHY!?

[ Chris Naggs:] Damn it.

[ Chris Staggs:] THE SABBATH WILL BE THE DAY THAT I AM CLOSE TO BEING UNITED WITH SCOOBY!!! THE SABBATH IS ALMOST UPON!!! THE DAY THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME!!! 

[ Chris Naggs:] Quit screaming.

[ Chris Staggs:] But I have show my emotions. I can't restrain my emotions. I have to show everyone my emotions by talking to other guys about my emotions. I have to hold a male bonding session in my promos. I MUST!!! So the Sabbath will be a day closer to the day when I am united with Scooby Doo.

[ Chris Naggs:] Ugh, quit trying to be Chaos.

[ Chris Staggs:] True I am too happy go lucky to be that whiny.

[ Chris Naggs:] Good.

Why should I even listen to your retarded comments toward me?  I should just crush you like that maggot you are.

People think that they are going to win the world title then they are dumber than the special Olympic athletes look. They are nothing more then idiots that amuse me as I go to win my title.

I am going to show the world that I don't need anyone though I am going side with Grady and Everage. Yeah I am going to say something and do the exact opposite of what I said I was going to do you morons.

You see the way I am going to win is that I am going to show have examples of carnival things and refer it to my opponents in the match. I hope the mentally handicap opponents can understand me.

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris, you are not going to be the next Chris Damm.

[ Chris Staggs:] Fine, I was running out of ways to call them stupid anyway.

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

It was two years ago I was in the front row of the FWF Tuesday Night Bomb as I saw my hero....Boone Man he was wrestling and I was wearing my Boone Man shirt proudly as I cheered him on in the match. Though the match lasted about thirty seconds and my hero had lost to The Canadian Patriot I was happy. I knew that he was just on a down day that time. So I went back to the next show. I sat in the same seat and had on the same shirt. I knew this time that Boone Man wouldn't let me down. He wrestled a whole minute but lost to Jason Hartnell. I was crushed as I left the arena. Though I know I will meet up with Boone Man sometime down the road. I know that he will guide me in the right path. Now I have to talk to rabbits and the other voices in my head. I hope they will lead me to the victory ,but they keep plugging a beer in my head. Premium Genuine draft.

[ Chris Naggs:] That is so wrong on so many levels.

[ Chris Staggs:] Huh?

[ Chris Naggs:] You are already borderline crazy, you don't need to rip off Memphis Gray. Plus next time pick someone besides a jobber to be a fan of.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! Anyway Ranma and Hartnell never really made me want to be a fan of theirs.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um I wouldn't say that in front of the camera.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

MORONS ALL OF YOU! 

Yes I am going to defeat all of you ,cause I am great. Though I am not boasting or bragging. I am just telling everyone I am great but it isn't bragging.

*Click*

AHHHH! Stupid water Anyway I am going to win this match because I am cold and calculating. Yeah I know there are 13 guys in the match ,but I am going to focus on three or four because I don't know how to respond to some of my opponents' promos.

*Click*

I am getting soaked with water. Anyway I may not be able to do half of my offense cause of my leg from falling off the top of the arena ,but I am going to win the match over the top 14 wrestlers in the company.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um don't try to be Hurley, plus you didn't fall of the top of the arena.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! Anyway I was getting wet with that gun. How did Hurley do it without getting wet?

[ Chris Naggs:] Hurley used a real gun with no bullets, you used a squirt gun filled with water.

[ Chris Staggs:] I am more dangerous than Hurley!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Whateva.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

Why must I be surrounded with opponents that are so boring, though I don't mean in the boring that I want to change the channel, but more the boring that I want to pull my eyes out. They maybe be some of the best in the federation but I am great. When I mean great I mean I have held the SWF World Title, the SWF National Title, the SWF Tag Team Titles, IWF International Title, IWF Tag Team Titles, and IW Tag Team Titles. You can see how great I am. Though my opponents try to sound clever but they are stupid. I have held the title forever. If you don't believe me, then I will have one of my lackeys tell you exactly what I said before. Some of you try to be funny but you are unfunny while I am all serious though I use my lackeys to provide dirty jokes. Did I mention my opponents are boring?

[ Chris Naggs:] YOU BETTER NEVER DO THAT! You can not become Pete Ebdon. The IW can't withstand the promos of two long winded idiots.

[ Chris Staggs:] Maybe you are right.

[ Chris Naggs:] I am.

[ Chris Staggs:] The gimmick is kind of dull. I mean it took me five minutes just to say one thing. Plus I felt I was repeating myself over and over and over and over again. Oops sorry about that a little Ebdon snuck up on me.

I am Chris Staggs

I am the Lord cause my brother is King. All you peons in the match will have nothing compared to me. Though I do not want the title. I don't care for the title, but I continue to speak about the title. Go figure. Though I will now go on and discuss every opponent in a match that I don't care about. I will waste twenty or so minutes and run down everyone. You peons want to ignore me. You peons want to call me an idiot then whateva....FO SHO!

I am Lord

I am bored.

I am Chris Staggs YAY!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] A Lawson gimmick.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! I don't like it cause I don't want to act like I don't want the title cause I do. I want Scooby to stay with me forever. This gimmick won't help me. Plus I don't want to live in England.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um okay.

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[ Chris Naggs:] What the hell was that?

[ Chris Staggs:] Caine

[ Chris Naggs:] I thought we went over this. You can't no show till you win the title.

[ Chris Staggs:] We might want to save the gimmick after the pay per view.

[ Chris Naggs:] Let's forget it.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] So you have anymore wrestler errr gimmicks you want to try?

[ Chris Staggs:] Nope.

[ Chris Naggs:] What about Comelightly?

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't want to talk to my family all the time.

[ Chris Naggs:] Oh.

[ Chris Staggs:] Yeah anyway I don't have to stop a wedding right now.

[ Chris Naggs:] That is good, I guess.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] What about Dude Job?

[ Chris Staggs:] Nah, its Hurley except without the gun.

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

[ Chris Staggs:] Though Dude Job is more friendly then Hurley.

[ Chris Naggs:] What about Johnny Storm?

[ Chris Staggs:] Don't want to do the voice over the pay per view opening.

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay, are you done?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Good now you can talk about your matches.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! So Evil Russian guy you think you are going to win my title by just doing one promo? Then you believe that I want walk out of the pay per view as a triple champion. Well you don't know the power of the Scoobs. Yes I have a drive to have Scooby Doo to stay with me forever. Sure some people want it just to be popular, but I already got that. Don't you hear the people cheer when I appear. Whoa that rhymed. Anyway, Evil Russian you want to believe that you are going take two titles away from me then you must have spent a little too much time in the mystery machine. Evil Russian you can believe that Chaos and yourself are going to be the IW Tag Team champions but you don't know what Grady has learned since the last time we faced you. Yeah you may laugh at Grady going to wrestling school ,but look what it did for Davis. He won matches with less promos then his opponents and Naggsy said that is almost impossible to do. You see if the school can make Davis into a wrestling machine just think what it can do to Grady. Sure I may not have went to the school ,but that doesn't matter. We will prove just why no one has beat our record of laser tag in Orlando. So go ahead Evil Russian can continue to think that I can't be triple champ but you will not have to think after the pay per view. The question will be answered. Though I might not have all three belts I know that I will walk out with the titles that I walked in with. Evil Russian go ahead and visit all the stops in the city. I am sure you will find some great spots. Maybe that is what you are doing now. You and your girl are cruising the city. That is cool, if you would write down the cool places you saw and after the pay per view you could give me the paper and I can go check them out. You see I had to do these promos all week and didn't get to check out the city. They better have a Chuck E. Cheese here. I call the ball pit. Evil Russian you aren't going to prevent Scooby Doo from staying from me.

Neither is your partner Chaos. What has happened to him? I mean did his group session go over? Is it still going? Naggsy said that those sessions cost a lot of money. If it does then he must have went through a hundred dollars already. Though I don't understand why he must always tell us about his problems. I mean we all got problems. I have a problem in doing this promo that I am missing my television shows. I have to watch promos and then I have to talk about them. I wished I could do like you and your partner and just cruise the city before the event. I would too if it wasn't Naggsy telling me to do promos. He always makes me work when I want to play. After all Bubbles gets to do anything he wants. Look at me here I am telling you my problems. See how annoying it gets. I mean I don't want to sound mean ,but get over it. My goldfish died to but you don't see me talking about him in every promo. I don't tell Naggsy about it every day. I got on with it. Heck I got another goldfish.....25 more of them. Who knew that they couldn't go three days without eating. Boy was I bummed when I saw that. Oh and Naggsy said you can't take them out of the water. Chaos you said that she died in your arms. Maybe that is cause you took her out of water. That was a cruel thing to do. Anyway Chaos if you can take your mind off your goldfish and look at your matches. You will see that you will not take my tag team title or will you win the World title. Though maybe you can tell your dead goldfish under the big oak tree where you buried her. I mean that is where I buried all 26 of the Scrappy's. Chaos why don't you go buy another goldfish. They aren't that high.  They are pretty cheap. I mean I bought all those goldfish and I was still able to buy a Scooby Doo DVD. Umm I hope you get over your dead goldfish. 

Does Hurley even know that I am in the match? Boy is that going to be a shock when he sees me. Wait he knows that I am in the match. He said that I had a chance if everyone died. Well you know what Hurley, you can believe that I don't have a chance ,but I have a better chance that some guys. I mean Caine is acting like Jeff Harris. I have a better chance of becoming champion than him. Though you are too busy playing with your gun with no bullets to even notice that I am still in the match. Now you said you were lucky that you didn't shoot yourself ,but how lucky are you really when you don't have anything to fire to begin with? I mean that isn't lucky....that is just plain cheating in the game. I mean I got hit every time I played just a few minutes ago.  Hurley you can talk and talk about Memphis Gray, Dude Job, and Chris D-Word. But you are leaving out like 9 or so guys. Whateva...FO SHO!  

Dude Job, thank you for wishing me good luck. Good luck to you too. Though you see I am going to have to go through you cause Scooby Doo is on the line. You may be a tough one to get through but that is fine. I am got the drive of Scooby on my side. That is something no one else can say. Dude Job, I am glad you agreed that I am not stupid, only if you could convince the rest of the roster that then I would be fine. Right now if I am so stupid how can I know that over half my opponents are going to call me that. Wait is there a sign on me somewhere that says Call Me Stupid? I hope not cause it has been on me for over a year. I wouldn't like that. I mean how you would like if people came up and kicked you cause you had a kick me sign on? You wouldn't like it. Anyway good luck Dude Job, though I am sorry that I am going to have to defeat you in the match. You know when it comes to Scooby I will go through anybody for him. He is just so cool to be around.

Memphis Gray, how did you know that I was going to use Mario's Mushrooms? Wait I am not, I am going to use them in the International Title match ,but I am going to use the special star in this match. I am going need something else besides growing bigger to beat 13 guys. Memphis Gray I see you have a crazy bunny too. Man these things are catching on. See Naggsy and you call me crazy for wanting a crazy rabbit. See three people in the IW have or had crazy rabbits. Memphis Gray your crazy rabbits doesn't seem like it wants to attack you like my crazy rabbit did. Those beady little eyes staring at me wants to rip out my throat. It was a scary week. Though all your rabbit seems to describe a beer. Premium Genuine. Anyway I know what you are going through. I hear the voices to ,but your voices seem to try and help you while my voices keep singing "BRASS MONKEY! THAT FUNKY MONKEY!" WOO!!  The voices in my head could cut a record deal with Def Jam. They are that talented. 

Naggsy are you sure I am still in this match? Chris D-Word has decided to ignore me. Are you releasing my promos Naggsy? It seems that no one cares. Well they will care when I have all the titles and I am chilling with Scooby at the house. So Chris D-Word, you went to a fortune teller. I guess that is better then the scary house you went to the other day. Though I still believe you are getting ripped off. The fortune teller doesn't even sound foreign. You know all legit fortune tellers are from like the middle east or something. Though Chris D-Word you want to go on believing that I am not worthy to be in the match. That is fine by me. You also though you wouldn't have a problem with Grady and I last month. Boy were you wrong. Though I think I know why you aren't talking about me. You can't say anything about me cause you made the Sesame Street gang mad and if you disrespect me, they will hunt you down and teach you how to be nice to people and not to call people stupid.  

Issac Comelightly, you don't think I have a chance just like the rest of the opponents have said. I have a slim chance in the match but I still do have a chance in the match. People said Grady and I didn't have a chance last month but we did it. People said that I couldn't beat Hen, but I did it. You know Comelightly I am starting to think that the power of Scooby Doo is living inside of me. Look at Scooby Doo, in every episode they tell the gang at the beginning that they can't solve the mystery. They tell them to leave. They don't, they stick with it. Just like me. At the end of every episode they have solved the mystery and everyone is happy. See I will stick with no matter how many people say I don't have a chance. I will be the IW World Champion and I will be one step closer to my goal. So Comelightly you can think I am too stupid to win ,but like I told Dude Job, I didn't know you had to be a genius to pin someone. Man I didn't know so many people thought pinning your opponent was hard to do. Maybe I am gifted but it comes easy for me. Anyway it is all a blur when I am in the ring. 

Storm did you get the job as voice over guy? Are you waiting for the pay per view to begin before you cut your next promo so they can just use that as the opening to the pay per view? If you have the job then that would be the smart thing to do. Like I said I had goose bumps, and not the book series, listening to your opening. I was ready to go. Anyway Storm, it seems that you are happy being the voice over guy. Heck you might not even make it to the match. You still have to go through Ranma, to even make it to the match. At least that is what Naggsy told me what you had to do. Um good luck on the voice over. I can see why you ran GWA, I mean you got to do the voice over automatically cause you were the boss.

Caine...good luck trying the Jeff Harris gimmick. I don't think it will work. You can't change from black to white.

Dr. Orange...or should I say Jeff Harris. I don't know maybe Jeff Harris is the trend. We another guy who made the match and has yet to show up. Naggsy said you spent a lot of money getting into the match. Why did you waste all your money if you are not going to bother to show up for it? Oh well I guess it is your money. Though I wouldn't have wasted my money I didn't want. I remember this is like the time I bought David Copperfield book hoping to magic. Boy was I wrong. 

Brother....JD Lawson, I see that you want to ignore me too. My very own brother doesn't even want to talk about me. That is fine. I don't want to know you as long as you have a Zombie chasing you. I saw those movies. I don't want to be a zombie too. I can't get a night light underground. I am scared of the dark in which is the only time Zombies can come out. Boy I would hate to be a zombie. So JD, thank you for not talking to me. Though if you do get rid of him you are still invited to the barbeque just remember that. We also added an old maid tourney to the events at the cook out. I will bring my titles and let you try them on. You can bring your crown and let me try it own. I mean you are the King. I am the Lord I guess. Which I am still waiting for my land you are suppose to give me. I want good land too. I don't want any swamp land either. Anyway good job protecting me from the Zombie. I will thank you win I walk out with three titles.

Davis, are you even here? I have called you all week and I keep getting your answering machine. I am going to have to return the game to Blockbuster. Monday. You only have two more days. I am hoping you come over. Wait what about I bring the game to the show...nah. Then we will all the roster in my locker room and some of the people in IW cheat. I don't want cheaters playing with my games. Davis if you are here and you are ignoring then how rude. I thought we were friends. I even helped you in the IWF. WAIT A SECOND! You are back at Kersh's Wrestling School aren't you. You sneaky devil you. You are going to do one promo and win the match. How could you! You already went there once. You are going to be unstoppable now.

Is Atwater dead? I mean his promo ends with them calling 911. I hate cliffhangers. I can't sleep that night think what will happen. Is he okay? Is he dead? Was it his evil twin that was bent on world domination? We don't know. Maybe next season's first show will provide us with more answers. I hope he is okay cause I don't want anyone to die. Though there has been many die and comeback. Oh well. Atwater I guess will not be a problem since he might be dead.

Finally Pete Ebdon has appeared with two promos. OH BOY! Anyway apparently he is faking it. He is acting like he knows who all is in the match. He doesn't it. He just names one guy in the whole promo that is in the match. That is okay Pete. Just admit that you don't know. Heck I will give you a list of the people in the match. Though I guess not knowing who is in the match has cut down on the length of your promos which is a plus.  So Pete, you go ahead and tell us we are boring, unfunny, and stupid and we can be on our way. 

So now all 14 of my opponents, now you know and knowing is half the battle.......YOOOO JOE!

( Chris Naggs looks at Chris Staggs)

[ Chris Naggs:] Are you done?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Good

[ Chris Staggs:] You know I don't think gimmicks make the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] Yeah?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Glad to hear that.

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't think the mental aspect makes you the ultimate wrestler

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

[ Chris Staggs:] The little other things don't make you the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] Fine.

[ Chris Staggs:] You don't need those things to be the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] Glad you came to your senses.

[ Chris Staggs:] What does smelling have to do with this?

[ Chris Naggs:] Nothing.

[ Chris Staggs:] I know what makes you the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] What is that?

[ Chris Staggs:] POLITICS!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Not the Jeremy Riley gimmick.

[ Chris Staggs:] : (

[ Chris Naggs:] Sorry it has been done.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh well half the people don't even know that I am in the match. Maybe I can sneak away with the titles.

( Chris Staggs smiles then looks at his wrist. )

[ Chris Staggs:] OH IT'S SCOOBY DOO TIME!! AFTER SUNDAY YOU WILL BE CLOSER TO IT BEING SCOOBY DOO 24 HOURS A DAY WOOO!

( Chris Staggs runs over to the couch and jumps on it and grabs the remote. Chris Naggs sighs as he picks up the paper and begins back reading it. )

( END PROMO)