Becoming The Ultimate Wrestler Part II: The Intangibles ( Other Stuff ) Aspect

( Chris Naggs  looks confused at what just happened as he looks over as Chris Staggs stands smiling as he looks proud of himself. )

[ Chris Naggs:] What the hell was that?

[ Chris Staggs:] I was acting like the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] How does dead air relate to you becoming the ultimate wrestler?

[ Chris Staggs:] Well they don't have to do anything. They just show up once a month.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um what?

[ Chris Staggs:] Well I seen other people do it.

[ Chris Naggs:] Wait this is another shot at Jeff Harris and Tyler Russell's title reigns. 

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh it is? I can mark that off the list too.

[ Chris Naggs:] Anyway you no show after you win the world title not before ....wait you made a list.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! My list.

[ Chris Naggs:] You made a list about the other stuff you need to do to become the Ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Staggs:] I said FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] What is on the list?

( Chris Staggs pulls out a piece of paper with a list on the paper that is written in crayon...the 128 Colors Box. )

[ Chris Staggs:] Well I did the dead air, you said that I made the mandatory Jeff Harris and Tyler Russell crack. Let's see oh yeah I have to reveal a sad day in my past and relate it to my match or something.

SEVEN MONTHS AGO!

( Chris Staggs is seen playing his game boy as he is moving to the left and to right with every jump and move. A victorious sound is heard. Chris Staggs drops the game boy for a second and does his victory dance aka the cabbage patch, finally he picks the gameboy back up and begins to play again he moves to the left and then to the right few minutes later victorious sound is heard as again Chris Staggs does a victory dance )

INTERRUPTION

[ Chris Naggs:] Is this going anywhere?

[ Chris Staggs:] Hey we have lots of promos with people just moving around for half an hour before they say anything. Anyway *sniff sniff* the sad part is coming

RESUME SEVEN MONTHS AGO!

[ Chris Staggs:] YO! Scrappy I made it to level eight I RULE!!! 

( Chris Staggs looks up as he looks shocked as his goldfish is seen floating at the top of the bowl. Chris Staggs runs over panicked as he scoops out Scrappy the goldfish on the green shagged carpet )

[ Chris Staggs:] SPEAK TO ME SCRAPPY!!! NAGGSY CALL THE HOSPITAL!!! SCRAPPY IS HURT!!!

( Chris Naggs walks in and looks the dead goldfish )

[ Chris Naggs:] Sorry Chris he is dead.

[ Chris Staggs:] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

RETURN TO PRESENT TIME!

( Chris Staggs looks sad again )

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't see why people want to think about sad things. 

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh yeah and how are you going to relate this to the match?

[ Chris Staggs:] Well I am not going to go without eating for a week.

[ Chris Naggs:] Good I guess.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Moving on what is next on the list.

[ Chris Staggs:] Well I have to have like a famous quote or phrase at the beginning or end of my promos. It is a rule of something hmmm I already missed the beginning. 

Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.

[ Chris Naggs:] That is from your fortune cookie with the Confusious saying.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Anyway why you just wait and end your promo with that? 

[ Chris Staggs:] I would have forgot if I wait till the end.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um okay. What is next on the list.

[ Chris Staggs:] I have to go crazy for a while.

[ Chris Naggs:] ...............

[ Chris Staggs:] What?

[ Chris Naggs:] You remember the trip to Shady Acres Mental Ward.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] You can mark that off your list.

[ Chris Staggs:] Cool I didn't have to do a thing.

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes anything else on your list?

[ Chris Staggs:] Um yeah. I have to discuss my current problems with someone.

[ Chris Naggs:] You do?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] What is your problem?

[ Chris Staggs:] WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!

[ Chris Naggs:] No I thought you wanted to discuss your current problems.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh FO SHO! Well I get dizzy every time I play airplane.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um don't spin around so fast.

[ Chris Staggs:] Thanks, also I don't understand what they are saying on Univision.

[ Chris Naggs:] They are speaking Spanish.

[ Chris Staggs:] Why?

[ Chris Naggs:] For all the Latinos I guess.

[ Chris Staggs:] For Kyle Broadway?

[ Chris Naggs:] I guess.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Is that it?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Good now why don't you talk about your matches.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! Evil Russian you are mad that you were left out of the world title match. I am sorry that they gave Caine a spot over you.  Though I see that you are discussing your problems with a women. So you are trying to be the ultimate wrestler too that is a start to get a world title shot. Now you can only go so far on the list. I am going to complete the list. So now you think that you are going to rip my titles away from me and thus keeping Scooby Doo from staying with me forever. You must be frontin' like a wanksta. Yeah you see I am going to come out the first time and defend my International Title and take your title as they merge them together which I think it will be a funny looking belt ,but hey the belt doesn't even hold up my pants right now why should I care if they try to merge them together. I guess the belts are for looks. I don't know, all I know is that I am going to collect them all. You can say all you want ,but in this match I am going to be like Super Mario after the mushroom. I am going to jump and jump and hop on your head till you are flat and fall off the screen. Wait that isn't right cause Evil Russian guy you have two chances to take my titles away from me. That is why you are my level two enemy. I am going to lure you on the bridge and jump over you, take the axe and cut down the bridge. Yeah I am using Mario Brother examples. I know there is no bridge. Give me some credit. Anyway Evil Russian guy you talk about taking my titles away cause you believe that someone shouldn't have three title shots. Hey don't look at me I didn't make the matches.  I do admit I have a lot more promos to watch cause of the title matches. I mean I got 14 guys I am going to face. That isn't very fair I don't think. Heck I have to face two of them twice. Though I will have Grady with me one match as we once again show that when it comes to play tag that we are the best in the whole world.  Yeah you beat us in a tag match a couple weeks back but that was when you two were a whole lot better. Now we have gotten a whole lot better with Grady going to the Brent Kersh School Of Wrestling and I am making myself the ultimate wrestler right here. We are better then we were. We are ready for you and your tag team partner....

Chaos so you seem to think that Grady isn't talented. Well just wait till Sunday when he breaks out the wristlock, the arm lock, and rear chinlocks on you. Then you will know that he has become a better wrestler than you. Yeah so I have two titles and you think that makes me better than Grady, well if that was true that means I am the best wrestler in the IW then WOOT WOOT! Though I don't care Chaos, you go and talk to this Anton guy about your problems then he tells you his problems. We use to call that Group Sessions at Shady Acres Mental Ward. Though we would then get some medicine after the sessions something that you may want to try. Then you may not be as sad as you always are. They makes you feel well like you are floating or something. Anyway Chaos you think that you and your Evil Russian friend are going to take the titles away from Grady and me then you are dumber then the Really Rottens thinking that they are going to win the Laff-a-lympics. Yeah they may win a couple events but they find out and get there points taken away. Just like what the Evil Russian and you will have happen to you. You think you are going to win ,but we take it away from you.  See Chaos, you may think you have made up an awesome with you, the Evil Russian, and Chris D-Word ,but it still will not help you become tag team champion or world champion. Though you can look on the bright side. I know you like talking about your problems. I guess losing to us and then the world title you will have lots of things to talk about to Anton. Which I don't know why you bother him with your problems doesn't he have matches he has to worry about? I mean I wouldn't like Naggsy talking to me when I am watching Scooby Doo. Chaos now not only are you not going to get my tag team title, you are not going to win the World Champion cause I am going to be Mario after he hits the star in the volcano match. Yeah you may think that I am not a threat ,but I am going to become the Ultimate wrestler this week and show everyone that I am going to have Scooby stay forever.

Andrew Hurley thinks I have no chance of winning this match. Well I have a better shot than other people, like the guys not in the match. So Hurley you can barely even speak about me that is fine. Just let me know in the beginning of your promos that way I can skip them and I don't have to wait for a three word sentence on me. I have view two promos by you and you have mentions three words about. So just tell me in advance I mean that is the least you could do for me cause I have 13 other tapes I have to watch and I don't want to have to worry in watching yours if you are not going to mention me. So Hurley go ahead and talk about Chris  D- word , Chaos, Memphis Gray, and Atwater while you overlook me like the bunny and the turtle story. Whateva.......FO SHO! He better know that I am going to win the match not because I am better than everyone...no cause I have the chance of Scooby Doo staying with me and not to mention my Jesus Juice. You know the juice that helped Grady and I win the tag team titles.

Memphis Gray are you and Hurley thinking that it is going to be like seven people in the match or something? I mean Hurley talks about five or so people longer than a second. Then you just talk about four or so wait are you going to talk about more guys in later promos? I hope so cause I learned from Scooby Doo that you need to look at the whole picture instead of just looking at certain things. If they didn't then they would never catch the bad guys that pretend to be monsters and stuff. Now Memphis Gray with that being said I will watch your next promo to see if you mention more than the five guys you mentioned. Though if you do like Hurley I will just keep on moving. Hey that will be two less promos I have to watch before I can watch Scooby Doo. 

JD Lawson, you know I don't think you need to come around anymore after all you have a zombie chasing after you. So umm you don't have to come to the Memorial Day cookout with the family unless you get rid of the Zombie, if you do that then you are welcome to come. We are going to have hamburgers and barbeque  So now you want to take another title away from me? Well I will just have to defeat you for a title once again. You may be good a clue but you don't do very good with large amount of people in a match.

Dude Job, thank you. I am glad you told me that your promos were black and white. Here I was thinking that my color kept going out when your promos came on. Thank you for letting me know. As for you saying that I ramble well I have to, it is hard not to ramble when you talk about fourteen opponents. Though I do make points. Apparently you just don't notice them. Oh well. So Dude Job you want to call me stupid, I didn't know pinning someone in the middle of a ring was suppose to take an A student to make happen. Though I mean I have gotten use to people calling me stupid. I mean so what... as I told Pete Ebdon last promo....I am rubber and you are glue whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. 

Chris D-Word, you know I would ask for my money back on that trip to the carnival I mean where was the Farris wheel? Where was the dunking booth? Plus they just had ugly people in there scary house. I would demand for my money back. I don't know why I am helping you, you said that I wasn't worthy of the match. I guess you are right I mean I have two titles already why should I get one more. You know why? Scooby is why. So go ahead and do the always ready retard comment toward me which I have been checked out and I am not on the retard level. You said my wins are flukes...so? 

[ Chris Naggs:] I guess Damm thinks you fluked your way in the SWF Hall of Fame, you won every SWF title except the Overdrive title but won the Television title which was half merged to for the Overdrive title. I guess those are flukes. Damm is full of bull shit.

[ Chris Staggs:] He is? I bet he stinks. Anyway I am a fluke wooo!!! Maybe I will win the World Title on a fluke.

Issac Comelightly I should have done what you did. I should have paced myself talking about my opponents. I mean I would be standing here for an hour talking about all fourteen of my opponents. Though I guess I will have to wait for you to talk about me since you are doing the talking about the ABC system. Issac you say you are instant legend just add water. Well I don't know if I would be calling myself that. I had a bad experience with some Sea Monkeys that said the same thing. I never got to see them. Oh well maybe when you add water you may become a legend. I am just telling you from what I learned in the past.

Johnny Storm, is he trying out for the voice over guy at the beginning of the pay per view? I really liked his opening it set up the pay per view so great. Johnny maybe you will get the job. I mean that is probably the best intro I have seen for a pay per view in a while. All you needed was some background music and it would been off the charts. Though you have to worry about Ranma before you even think about winning the World Title. I mean I think that was what it was. I really don't know. I tend to have my mind wonder off during the show. Anyway Johnny Storm, maybe Sunday you will get the voice over job and beat Ranma ,but you are not winning the World Title.

Erick Caine, he must been confused like I was earlier in the promo. He must think that you no show before the title match to win the match. Oh well. I hope he figures that out.

Dr. Orange, you worked so hard and yet you forgotten that you have to do promos to actually win a match though you will probably take Ranma to court again when you don't win. Wait have you even had a match the last month? OH MY GOD YOU ARE JEFF HARRIS IN HIDING!!! You are going to win the title with a last rush of promos and then not show up next month till the pay per view. I mean it has to be you Jeff Harris. He is the only one besides Michael Jackson that can go from white to black to white now you went back to black. 

Andrew Davis, I am mad at you, first you only allow Grady to go to the Brent Kersh School of Wrestling now you don't answer my calls on playing you at Street Fighter. You are avoiding me aren't you? You don't want to talk to me. Why? What have I done? I thought we were friends after all you helped Grady and me become the first ever IW Tag team champions. Well if you see this promo and want to still play Street Fighter I am game. 

Pete Ebdon, the holder of one of the titles that they are going to merge together, hasn't been seen. Maybe Pete is still talking in his first promo. Maybe he will be done by Sunday cause I don't want to run into him while he is still cutting his first promo. I mean he will call me too stupid to win the match. That I am unfunny and boring. I mean I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box ,but after ten meetings I even know what you are going to say to me. Heck, I am not the only saying that over most of the opponents in the match are saying it.

Finally we have Christian Atwater, the other guy with the world title. It is funny that neither guy has showed up. You know this rumor about winning the title by not showing up seems to have five guys believing this to be true and they are trying to do it. I mean Atwater the more days you go without cutting a promo the more your patients get loopy. I've seen it. My roommate at Shady Acres didn't go to his sessions and he tried to climb through the roof with a rope tied to his neck.. What am I saying, you try to sound smart in part one and then in part two you use every slang or fad to insult us. Finally ending with TOODLES! WOOT WOOT!!!

So now you know and knowing is half the battle........YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! JOE!!!!!

( Chris Naggs just looks at Chris Staggs as again another unique perspective by Chris Staggs )

[ Chris Naggs:] You are finished right?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Good.

( Chris Staggs looks shocked. )

[ Chris Staggs:] OH SNAPZ I forgot the last part of the other stuff I need to be the ultimate wrestler.

[ Chris Naggs:] And that is?

WOOT WOOT CONTINUE!!!!!!