[ Chris Staggs:] Haha! You suck.

[ Bubbles:] Ewww aH AHA HAAHA EWW!!!

[ Chris Staggs:] NO WAY!! I never used the game genie to beat Mike Tyson Punch Out.

[ Bubbles:] EWW AH!

[ Chris Staggs:] What does pork chops have to do with this?

[ Bubbles:] EW EW EW AH!

[ Chris Staggs:] Okay, okay you caught me. But Mike Tyson makes Lil Mac look weak and we both know that Lil Mac has the heart of a champion.

( Bubbles and Chris Staggs nod in agreement as Chris Naggs walks into the room. Chris Staggs looks over as Bubbles turns off the game. )

[ Chris Naggs:] Well Chris, it is time to go pick up Malcom.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Though now Chris I think we need to help Malcom try to fit in with his school mates. Acting like Beaver doesn't get you many friends

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't think he was acting like a beaver cause beavers don't talk.

[ Chris Naggs:] Silly me.

[ Chris Staggs:] Anyway I thought about that and went and picked up a book.

[ Chris Naggs:] YOU DID!?

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs pulls out a paper back book. )

[ Chris Naggs:] I knew it was too good to be true. Chris, the book was written back in the 70s.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO?! He can be the grooviest kid on his block according to this book. All he has to do it mind his p's and q's. Which I don't understand what letters have to do with it.

[ Chris Naggs:] This book will not do us any help.

[ Chris Staggs:] Fine what do you want us to do?

[ Chris Naggs:] Well to sound Politically Incorrect....we have to teach him to be black.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!?

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes fo sho.

[ Chris Staggs:] How are we going to do that?

[ Chris Naggs:] Well let him do things that his schoolmates would do.

[ Chris Staggs:] Coo! I CALL SEE SAW!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] The kid lives in the projects.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh. I call run down rusty jungle gym.

[ Chris Naggs:] Right. Anyway let's go.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( This time Bubbles goes with the duo. )

Fast Forward

( Chris Staggs, Chris Naggs, and Bubbles walk through the projects as only a retard, a midget, and a chimp can do till they reach young Malcom's apartment. They knock on the door. )

[ Chris Naggs:] Hello...we are here for Malcom's, we are his big brothers from the Big Brothers offices.

[ Mom or Grandma take your choice:] Okay just a sec.

* CLICK*

*CLICK* 

* UNLOCK*

* CLICK*

( Finally the door opens as Malcom walks out. )

( Chris Staggs looks at Chris Naggs)

[ Chris Staggs:] Why does he always have the headphones on?

( Chris Naggs shrugs )

[ Chris Staggs:] Hey dude, can I listen.

[ Malcom:] Gee Golly, you sure can!

( Chris Staggs listens to it )

[ Chris Staggs:] There's a tear in my beer....

( Chris Naggs grabs them and listens to the song )

[ Chris Naggs:] You are listening to country music?

[ Malcom:] Oh yes sir, this stuff today I can't hear the melodies or the lyrics.

[ Chris Naggs:] So you listen to songs of divorce and two timing?

[ Malcom:] Well I guess.

[ Chris Staggs:] I am two time SWF Tag Team Champ!! WOOT!

[ Chris Naggs:] Very good Chris.

[ Malcom:] So what are we going to do today guys? Are we are going to rough house? 

[ Chris Naggs:] Um no. Say Malcom do you want fit in with the crowd?

[ Malcom:] I guess so.

[ Chris Naggs:] Well Chris and I....

[ Chris Staggs:] Ahem!

( Chris Staggs looks at Bubbles. )

[ Chris Naggs:] And Bubbles are going to teach you how to fit in.

[ Malcom:] That is real swell of you guys to do that. OH BOY!

[ Chris Staggs:] YAY!

[ Chris Naggs:] Um anyway first thing get rid of the country music. You live in the projects not the trailer parks.

[ Chris Staggs:] If the trailer is a rockin' don't come a knockin' 

[ Malcom:] Well um I guess I can do with out country.

[ Chris Naggs:] Now listen to your schoolmates and buy every they are listening to.

[ Malcom:] But sir, my momma always told me to be myself.

[ Chris Staggs:] Popeye always said I yam what I yam and that is all I yam.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um anyway, just do it. Also we have to change the way you talk. Quit with the gee gollys and swells.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Malcom:] Okay I will try.

[ Chris Naggs:] Good now lets go.

( Chris Staggs, Chris Naggs, Malcom, and Bubbles walk down the hall and pass the OUT OF ORDER elevator toward the steps. They walk down the steps and out to streets of the project as a two dollar crack whore walks up to them ) 

[ Chris Staggs:] HI! I AM CHRIS STAGGS!

[ Two Dollar Crack Whore:] So you want to go to the alley.

[ Chris Staggs:] Why? Its dark in the alley.

[ Two Dollar Crack Whore:] That's the point.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh so you want to scare me.

[ Two Dollar Crack Whore:] No I want to please you and you pay me.

[ Chris Staggs:] But I am scared of the dark. I would not be pleased.

[ Two Dollar Crack Whore:] Then let's go behind to dumpster.

[ Chris Staggs:] It stinks behind a dumpster.

[ Two Dollar Crack Whore:] Do you want me to screw you or not?

[ Chris Staggs:] Not. Naggsy said I was screwed enough in 2003 in the SWF.

( The two dollar whore has walked off after that meaningless conversation. They four of them continue to walk as they come a crap game going on who apparently are B-rate actors hired for this dumb promo. )

[ Chris Naggs:] Malcom why don't we show you how to shoot dice.

[ Chris Staggs:] I think he is too young to have a gun.

[ Chris Naggs:] No Chris its the game those guys are playing over there. Anyway Malcom, you want to learn?

[ Malcom:] Sure that should get me some friends.

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay let go over... Chris....CHRIS?!

( Chris Staggs is already over there with the dice. Chris Staggs shakes them in his right hand and throws them against the wall )

[ Chris Staggs:] YAHTZEE!!! I WON I WON!!!

( The guys just stare at him as Chris Naggs, Malcom, and Bubbles walk over. )

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris, why don't you walk over there and talk about your opponents.

[ Chris Staggs:] But I just won!

[ Chris Naggs:] Just go.

[ Chris Staggs:] Fine you are just jealous that I am good at Yahtzee and you aren't.

( Chris Staggs walks over away from the game )

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! You know I heard people when I was in the Shady Acres home saying that God talked to them and told them to do all these things. Funny I didn't hear God telling me to wrap myself in tin foil cause the aliens are coming. I didn't hear God tell me to listen to my talking dog. Now I face another God and Goddess and I still don't get to hear what God and the Goddess tell me to do. Though I don't think I would listen to my talking dog cause I don't have a talking dog. Though I might wrap myself in tin foil just for fun. You know for a God and Goddess you two don't want to make many appearances around the IW. Though I understand why would God want to hang around a place that makes him look bad? We don't want to show the world that God has a fault cause the world wouldn't exist anymore if we did. I know that cause I saw that in a movie. God can't have flaws. He or She has to be flawless. Though which makes me believe that you two are not Gods or Goddesses cause you two have been seen to have many flaws. Both of you haven't even won a match yet you both have lost twice. That isn't very God like. Sunday school told us that God is like perfect and all powerful. God would strike you down if you didn't listen to the priest and stuff like that. So if you two are not actual Gods and Goddesses then I don't want to be near you when God lays his wrath down upon you. I mean what if he strikes you two down when we are wrestling? Then I will be caught out there being struck down with you. That wouldn't be cool. Also that means you just beat your child for no reason other than to beat him. You aren't toughing him up to be the next savior. Which isn't cool. I mean what about a 90 year old man came up and starting beat you with his cane for no reason. You wouldn't like it. Though I would think it would be funny to see an 90 year old man beating a person with a cane. As long as that person isn't Grady or me. So I am going to start call you the wanna-be God and Goddess. You are like the Mexican version of Sesame Street. No wait you are the South African version of Sesame Street. Yep I went there on ya. I done burnt you like a pop tart with the dial all the way on dark. Though I am glad so far that you haven't released your home videos cause frankly I think I saw your first video somewhere else. I can't really remember where anyway I mean I don't want to sound mean ,but I would rather watch Reading Rainbow then one of your videos. Yep uh huh LeVar Burton got more game than you two. You know you two asked for this when you tried to pretend you were God and his wife. I don't even know why you get to be here. I thought telling lies were bad? Shouldn't they be punished? Anyway I don't know what else to say but Whateva Fo Sho is going take care of you quicker than I can eat a pizza bite. FO SHO!

( Done with the idiotic rambling. Chris Staggs proceeds back to the dice game. As Malcom has racked up the money )

[ Chris Naggs:] Malcom, I think you have won enough money let's go.

[ Malcom:] Fuck you bitch, I'm bout to clean deez bitches out.

[ Chris Naggs:] What?

[ Malcom:] Bitch I didn't stutter did I?

[ Chris Naggs:] No.

[ Malcom:] Now be a good bitch and blow on my dice.

[ Chris Naggs:] What?

[ Malcom:] BITCH DO IT!