Today's Grimy Storms errr Damm Storms errr Grimy Damms Make Up Your Damn Mind Alert Level:

No longer a threat

Today's Chaotic Cold War Terror Alert Level:

( Camera opens up with a depressed Chris Staggs on our hands. Chris Naggs just looks at him while Bubble is play Mike Tyson Punch out in the background. Chris Staggs looks at his IW Tag Team Title and looks at Chris Naggs then back at his title, then back at Chris Naggs. We see this happening for a while finally Chris Naggs breaks the ice. )

[ Chris Naggs:] What is with the long face.

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't know I guess I was born with it.

[ Chris Naggs:] No why are you sad.

[ Chris Staggs:] Cause Grady and I lost to Chaos and the Evil Russian.

[ Chris Naggs:] Well everyone loses.

[ Chris Staggs:] They beat us quick though.

[ Chris Naggs:] You had an off night.

[ Chris Staggs:] No I had a match, remember.

[ Chris Naggs:] Ugh forget it.

[ Chris Staggs:] Well I don't want to face them ever again.

[ Chris Naggs:] Well you are going to have to.

[ Chris Staggs:] NO WAY!

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes your loss made them the number one contenders for your titles.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!?

[ Chris Naggs:] I am afraid so.

[ Chris Staggs:] I'm scared.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um yeah, well let's move on. We are going to be late for the meeting.

[ Chris Staggs:] Huh?

[ Chris Naggs:] You know the meeting with Big Brother.

[ Chris Staggs:] JDiggity?

[ Chris Naggs:] What?

[ Chris Staggs:] Where are we meeting JDiggity?

[ Chris Naggs:] No you are doing charity for Big Brother.

[ Chris Staggs:] Why, I think JD is rich as it is.

[ Chris Naggs:] NO! Big Brother is an organization that assigns role models to kids.

[ Chris Staggs:] Do we have too?

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes you have to do some type of charity. It is in your contract.

[ Chris Staggs:] That is a stupid clause.

[ Chris Naggs:] Just go ahead and do it.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Good. Now let's go.

FAST FORWARD

( They are in front of the Big Brother office as Chris Naggs just stares at Chris Staggs. )

[ Chris Naggs:] I really wish you would quit with the flash forwards.

[ Chris Staggs:] Whateva........FO SHO!

( Chris Naggs and Chris Staggs walk in as Chris Staggs looks like he has thought of something. )

[ Chris Staggs:] We forgot Bubbles.

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh he will be fine.

[ Chris Staggs:] Lucky chimp gets to play Mike Tyson Punch out while I have to hang out here.

( Chris Staggs pouts as they meet a women standing behind the desk. )

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] You must be Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs.

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] You are right on time. 

[ Chris Staggs:] My God she is psychic!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris we had an appointment.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] I guess we can get to business. Take a seat.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs take a seat.)

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Now I think it is great that some one like yourself Mr. Staggs who can be seen by many people will take time out to come hang out with a misfortunate kid. A kid that doesn't have many friends.

[ Chris Staggs:] Wait I have to hang out with a dork?

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] No No NO! Just a kid that needs someone to look up to.

[ Chris Staggs:] I guess that leaves out Naggsy here huh? Anyway I am tall enough to do it I guess.

( Chris Naggs just glares as Staggs for making fun of his 4 foot frame. )

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Um okay. Anyway I like to show you some kids, I will tell you about them and you can then choose the kid that you want to be a big brother for.

[ Chris Staggs:] Just like Michael Jackson did every night before bed time.

( Chris Naggs just shakes his head at the cheap shot about kids and Michael Jackson that even Ray Charles could see coming a mile away. )

[ Chris Staggs:] I thought he was blind.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Who is he talking to?

[ Chris Naggs:] Nothing let's hear about the kids.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Okay, lets see...

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Here is Young Ty. He is a fun energetic kid who sometimes isn't very reliable. He has been known on occasions to disappearing for months on end.

[ Chris Naggs:] What is wrong with his back?

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Well he has bad posture due to a former SWF wrestler being his big brother. I believe his name was Tiger. Anyway he tried to teach Young Ty how to do the gangsta lean and well has been stuck like this. 

[ Chris Staggs:] That lean means he must be straight gangsta.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Okay, moving on...

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] This is Johnny Jameson. He is a young kid that was a latchkey kid. He has been around different foster homes. He has basically whored himself to every big brother we have had. He gets tired of them within a week and wants a new one.

[ Chris Naggs:] I've hear that story before somewhere.

[ Chris Staggs:] HAHA!! What a loser. He has a mullet. There is no way I am going to hang out with him.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Finally...

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Here is Malcom Al Kaldiresladlkfi, he is a very smart kid. He is very sharp. He just has a problems keeping friends. He is picked on constantly from other kids.

[ Chris Naggs:] Hmm I don't know why anyone would pick on him.

[ Chris Staggs:] Haha, he has a funny sounding last name.

[ Chris Naggs:] Anyway out of the three, Staggs which one do you want to pick?

[ Chris Staggs:] The last one.

[ Chris Naggs:] Fine, I guess Malcom is the kid.

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Okay. If you hold on a second. I will go get him and introduce him to Mr. Staggs.

( Chris Staggs looks around as the Head Director of Big Brother leaves )

[ Chris Staggs:] My dad is here?

[ Chris Naggs:] She was referring to you. Anyway I wonder what this kid's problem is to not have any friends.

( Just then the Head Director of Big Brother enters with Malcom. )

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Malcom I would like you to meet your Big Brother...Chris Staggs.

[ Malcom:] Gee Golly, I am so happy to meet you Mr. Staggs.

[ Chris Staggs:] HI! 

[ Head Director of Big Brother:] Well Malcom needs to be back home by 5 o'clock.

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

[ Malcom:] Boy we are going to have swell time aren't we Mr. Staggs.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Malcom:] Excuse me sir? 

[ Chris Naggs:] It means yes son.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Malcom:] Goodie gumdrops.

( Chris Staggs, Chris Naggs, and Malcom walks out of the Big Brother offices onto the street. )

[ Malcom:] So what are we going to do? Dungeon and Dragons? Star Wars? Act out Lord Of The Rings?

[ Chris Staggs:] Um SCOOBY DOO! 

[ Malcom:] Excuse me? How do we play Scooby Doo?

[ Chris Staggs:] No we don't play. Scooby Doo is about to come on.

[ Malcom:] Oh boy can we watch Dragon Ball Z too?

[ Chris Staggs:] NO! SCOOBY DOO!

[ Malcom:] Shouldn't we do something that I like to do.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] I am sorry to break up this thrilling conversation but Chris isn't there some business you need to get done.

[ Chris Staggs:] I went to the bathroom before we came.

[ Chris Naggs:] That isn't what I meant. You need to talk about your match.

[ Malcom:] Well tickle me pink, this is my lucky day! 

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! Who do I have this week.

[ Chris Naggs:] Sex And Violence.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh those are the people that called us boring and then proceeded to show us home videos. Um yeah I guess they do know how to judge how boring other people are. Though they also call themselves God and Goddesses. Wait so you are telling me Heaven is basically full of people watching home videos. Um I am not sure that I want to go to heaven then if that is all we do.  Anyway if you call yourself Gods then why do you have to remind us that you are supposedly great? I mean shouldn't we know that from Sunday school? You know God is Great, God is Good. It is right there. Though I think you are lying about being a God and Goddess cause if you were, then you would be the tag team champions wouldn't you? I mean you aren't exactly impressive Gods if you can't win matches. I don't think you should lie about being a God cause I think that might break a commandment or something. I am sure it would make God really really realllllllllllllllly mad at least. 

[ Malcom:] Praise Allah. 

[ Chris Staggs:] Who? I am talking about God. You know the big man in the sky. You know Jesus' father. Though I didn't know God was married. I mean where did the Goddess come from? Wouldn't she be mad that God knocked up Mary? Or are they like cool with seeing other people?  I bet it is very uncomfortable at the Christmas dinner when you have Jesus, God, and his two moms. Though anyway going back to the God and Goddess I am facing this week, I don't think you are very God-like when you smack around your kid. Plus does Jesus know about this other kid? Is this other kid our next savior? Then why the heck are you smacking him around? Wait you are toughing him up for the crucifying. Which is good. Plus we will get another holiday when he dies. Though I wouldn't smack him so much. I mean we don't want him so tough that it takes forever for him to die for our sins. Now in our match this week, don't try to strike Grady and me with lightning cause I think that will get you DQed not mention it would hurt like poop. So you can leave your lightning bolts at home. Anyway I don't think you could get on an airplane carrying a lightning bolt. They won't even allow leaf blowers on the plane.  LEAF BLOWERS!!! What are you going to do with a leaf blower? Anyway God and Goddess I am mad at you. You remember the other week when I prayed to meet Scooby Doo in real life and you never answered my prayers and don't say some prayers are better left unanswered cause meeting Scooby Doo is very important to me and don't need to go unanswered. So anyway God and Goddess, you might think you are going to win just cause of who you are but Grady and I are like those superballs, we just keep bouncing back! FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs grins as he looks at Chris Naggs )

[ Chris Naggs:] I would be surprised if we hear from the Christian Coalition after that.

[ Chris Staggs:] Cool! Why? 

[ Malcom:] Well Mr. Staggs, Golly gee I don't think people will very much care for some of the things you said.

[ Chris Staggs:] They don't care for me? Why don't they like me?

[ Malcom:] Oh Goodness no, Mr. Staggs. They like you. I mean some of your statements make be offensive to some people.

[ Chris Staggs:] What does football have to do with what I said?

[ Malcom:] Sir, I have the feeling that you are not the sharpest tool in the shed.

[ Chris Staggs:] Why are we talking about tools now? I am lost.

[ Chris Naggs:] It's okay Staggs. You are fine. Just forget about it.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Well Malcom it is almost time for you to go home.

[ Malcom:] Gee Golly how the time has flown.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! 

[ Malcom:] This has been swell.

( Malcom speeds up ahead of the duo as Staggs looks at Naggs )

[ Chris Staggs:] Is he black?

[ Chris Naggs:] I think so.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh okay. Just making sure.

( The trio continue to walk down the sidewalk. )

( END PROMO )