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[ Chris Naggs:] So Chris are you ready for the tourney? [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! [ Chris Naggs:] You are!? [ Chris Staggs:] I been playing the match game for Remembrance all week. [ Chris Naggs:] What are you talking about? [ Chris Staggs:] I got a good memory now!! I think I can out remember the best of them. [ Chris Naggs:] You missed the point. [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!? [ Chris Naggs:] Listen to the narrator. ...Fuck The Propaganda... ...Stupidity isn't a weakness... ... It's a defense ... ... Rob Ortiz ... ... Your Volcano is erupting prematurely ... Well Whateva Fo Sho is back as the SWF Tag Team Champions. They won them in a match that most people thought they couldn't win. They actually knew how to win a ladder match who would thought that? So after they went a whole two weeks without holding them, they now are back to the real champion. Now congrats JD and Cordozer, you really did bring back some respectability to the titles. Please note the sarcasm in my voice. Anyway JD Lawson, you continue to think you are playing with Chris Staggs. You continue to think you are just going to throw him back after you are done with him. Hmmm now lets see he has picked up a victory over you. He has proven he can take it to you. Though that was a fluke last week. Keep believing that. So now lets move to this week. This is the first week of the Remembrance tourney as we have the tourney loaded with talent. You have former FWF World champions, SWF World champions, IWF World Champions, and the sister of the poor World Champions. They all have come to prove they are the best wrestling has to offer. Yet how does winning a couple four or five matches prove that you are the best? It doesn't, all it proves is that you are luckiest and hottest at the certain time. Something Chris Staggs knows all about. You see has had quite a winning streak going on Adrenaline. He hasn't lost a match since January 16th on the show. So I guess you can say the idiotic mastermind is very lucky. Sure he may not out think his opponents ,but he does have the talent to defeat them. See Chris Staggs may be the perfect contender to make a run to the finals. Now some people say the bracket he is in maybe the hardest one. Well people might be right. You have two former FWF world champions, four former SWF world champions. The bracket is stacked. Though that isn't something Chris Staggs will care about ,because well he rarely thinks beyond the next second. Damn ADD always kicking in. So what am I saying? Chris Staggs doesn't have the mental capacity to understand the pressure of the tournament. He doesn't understand about the talent that is stacked in his bracket. All Chris Staggs knows if he wins a man, he gets a cookie. That is all that matters to Chris Staggs. Its all bout cookies bitch. So Chris Staggs has no pressure and no fear of losing. This makes him a very dangerous opponent. So now onto Chris Staggs first round opponent.,, ... Rob "The Volcano" Ortiz ... Ah yes Rob Ortiz is back in the SWF after a nice little two month or so vacation since he lost his National title and number one contender to the World Title to the whipping post that is now our SWF World Champion Jeff Harris. How the fuck did that happen? He is back and in his second match from his vacation he faces Chris Staggs in the first round of the Remembrance tourney. Now Rob don't think I am going to come out here and say that you are nothing. After all you were former National champion. That has to be worth something unfortunately that worth is that of Jeff Harris's credibility as a world champion. I mean damn you were the SWF National champion for a whole seven days. Fuck even Michael Jackson can go seven days without sleeping with young boys. Seven days is very short. Anyway Rob, you look at this match and I bet all you see is an idiot who has blown numerous big matches. You are thinking you can beat Chris Staggs. Well Rob, I hate to break it to you ,but you are not a big match. You are just a first round annoyance. You have people building this match as the best first round match up of the tourney. Yet I don't see it. You haven't wrestled in over two or three months. You beat two guys who definitely belong in the SANE Squad. Yet, people are relying on the past and not looking at the present. If they did look at the present they would see Chris Staggs who has been on quite a roll. He has defeated the whipping post Jeff Harris and ended the JD Lawson winning streak in the SWF when he regained the SWF World Tag Team Titles. Now two jobbers or World Champion and National Champion. Hmmm call me crazy ,but I would have to go with the guy who has defeated the champions. Hell we could even use the past and show this match isn't going to be fairly even. Chris Staggs is a two time SWF tag team champion, former television champion, and former world champion while you were a seven day National champion. So Ortiz, you want to believe that you can hang with the idiotic mastermind? Don't always listen to your heart cause it doesn't use logic. You think you can actually live up to your hype? I think that is all you are....hype. You have never really impressed me in SWF. Your gimmick is a dime a dozen. You are just another supposed hot shot with the only exception that you have the Bartlett's Familiar Quotations 10th Edition by your side. So your gimmick set you back $14.95. That doesn't separate you with the bland scene of wrestling today. Wait though Chris Staggs is just some two bit comedy gimmick right? Please , this two bit comedy gimmick has separated himself with the blandness of wrestling. He also knows how to win big matches while you still have only proven that you can pick up victories over the Dude Job and Boone Man's of the world. Rob, you may surprise me with some creativity. Though I won't hold my breath for that to happen. You see Rob, you come out with the same spill that most of the wrestler will have during the tournament. You insult your opponent and use your fifteen dollar gimmick for quotes yet you don't have anything to make you standout. You don't have the politics that Andrew Davis does. You don't have the reputation that JD Lawson has. Hell as sad as this is you don't have the name that Harris even has. You are just another face in the the tourney. You will be out like the other 31 no names. Now you are probably asking yourself, how will Chris Staggs standout? He has stumbled into the spotlight. You will see what I mean. Chris Staggs will standout... ... Summing It Up ... Rob Ortiz, you come back after a nice vacation and expect to have gotten back into the swing of things by defeating two fucking losers? Yeah right and the FWFr was a great idea. Rob Ortiz you are walking into an onslaught of stupidity the likes of which you have never witnessed. Your quotation book will be no help to you because well no one knows how to counter the pure form of defense....idiocy. [ Chris Naggs:] You get it now? [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! I get a cookie!!! I want chocolate chip!!! [ Chris Naggs:] Umm...yeah but do you know what you got to do? [ Chris Staggs:] WIN! [ Chris Naggs:] Yep. [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! [ Chris Naggs:] So you better get ready to win. [ Chris Staggs:] Dude I am going to be the Keebler Elf's pimp after this tourney. ( Camera opens up with Chris Staggs walking in the lobby with Chris Naggs as Chris Staggs walks by this guy with a trench coat on who resembles Pete Ebdon anyway they walk a bit as the guy begins to follow them. Chris Naggs finally stops to confront the loser ) [ Chris Naggs:] Why do you keep following us? [ Trench Coat Guy: ] I am here to help Chris Staggs in Remembrance. [ Chris Staggs:] Remember what? [ Trench Coat Guy: ] No, Remembrance. [ Chris Staggs:] Okay...uh remember what? [ Trench Coat Guy: ] The tourney that you are in. [ Chris Staggs:] Oh, I haven't forgotten about it. [ Chris Naggs:] Who are you? ( The guy takes off the trench coat Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs just look at each other . ) [ Trench Coat Guy: ] See... [ Chris Naggs:] Yeah right um who are you? [ Trench Coat Guy: ] CHRIS F'N CAGE!!!! YEAH! [ Chris Staggs:] I'm CHRIS F'N STAGGS!!!!!! YEAH! [ Chris F'N Cage:] Ugh! FWF fame. That ring a bell? [ Chris Naggs:] You mean one of the jobbers in the S.A.N.E. Squad? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Sure whatever I was still awesome in the FWFR.. [ Chris Staggs:] S.A.N.E SQUAD REPR-O-ZENT! [ Chris Naggs:] Wait you sucked in the FWFR too anyway how can some S.A.N.E. Squad member help Staggs? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Certainly you don't know the power of the S.A.N.E. Squad we have taken down many great world champions.. [ Chris Staggs:] S.A.N.E SQUAD REPR-O-ZENT! [ Chris Naggs:] Certainly I don't know. How are you going to help us? [ Chris F'N Cage:] By showing you what not to do. [ Chris Naggs:] Okay...I have bad feeling about this. [ Chris Staggs:] Relax Chris....its the S.A.N.E Squad. THEY LIKE RAN THE FWF! [ Chris F'N Cage:] Uh huh, now follow me and let the lessons begin. [ Chris Staggs:] Are we going to ride in the S.A.N.E SQUAD Kennel Truck? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Nope we use the FAST FORWARD BUTTON! FAST FORWARD!! ( We open up in a bed room as the whole room is line with posters of Janet Jackson. Chris Staggs looks around as he finds something as he pull it up. It is a blow up doll with Janet Jackson's face on it. Chris F'N Cage looks around as we hear "Nasty Boys" By Janet Jackson in the background ) [ Chris F'N Cage:] Oops, this is the wrong room, this is Justin Goldman's bedroom. FAST FORWARD!! ( We open back up in a dark basement as Chris Staggs looks scared. Chris Naggs has a flashlight as he shines it around to look for their SANE SQUAD guide as they look to be in a Kennel. Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs walk forward as they shine the light forward and see...)
[ Chris Naggs:] What the hell are you doing? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Um..it's cold? [ Chris Naggs:] Now that was a stretch to get that shot in, anyway why are we here? [ Chris F'N Cage:] This place is the place where bad gimmicks go when they die. [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!? [ Chris Naggs:] To Justin Goldman's basement? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Yeah where else would they go? Anyway let the lesson begin this first part is gimmicks you shouldn't use... FIRST BAD GIMMICK IS......... ERRAND BOY! ( We see a built scene as a world champion played by Bauer is sitting in a chair. Just then the ERRAND BOY played by Brent Galloway runs in. ) [ Brent "Jeff Harris" Galloway:] DUDE!! YOU ARE SO COOL! I WOULD JUST DIE IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME! [ "Ranma" Bauer:] Your loyality is that of peasants and you shall never rise to be great. [ Brent "Jeff Harris" Galloway:] Huh? Oh um I WILL GO GET YOUR COFFEE JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT! ( The Errand Boy runs out of the scene ) [ Chris F'N Cage:] Now this may seem like a good idea, but you will never become anything. Sure you may become a champion of a titles that was passed around more than Londie Harmon at a New Year's party. But you will always be remember as a lackey. [ Chris Staggs:] Coffee makes me hyper. [ Chris F'N Cage:] Apparently you didn't get that one, so onto the next example. SECOND BAD GIMMICK IS....... EXTREME in your name or as a gimmick. [ Voice:] HEY! [ Chris F'N Cage:] Sorry Extreme T(roy). ( We see a built scene as you see 25 tables set up with two guys played by Winston Wolf III and Andrew Hawk on a scoffold. ) [ Jesper Jenkins:] They are fighting back and forth, back and forth wait Andrew "Chaos" Hawk places Winston "Missle" Wolf III on the table below. OH MY GOD A 450 SPLASH THROUGH 25 FLAMING TABLES!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! ( The scene fades ) [ Chris Staggs:] HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! [ Chris F'N Cage:] Umm Chris, that wasn't real. You can't do that. [ Chris Staggs:] I saw it. HOLY SHIT!!! [ Chris F'N Cage:] It was a trick. [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! [ Chris F'N Cage:] The last gimmick is probably the worst one of them all.... Simply Don't be a Revvie with an attitude!!! [ Chris F'N Cage:] Though what I mean don't be like me and Bauer. You know actually think you can hold your own. Psst...Between you and me, I owned everyone in the FWF. NRG, please that punk was scared of me. [ Chris Staggs:] Need energy, drink Gatorade. [ Chris Naggs:] Please NRG owned your ass, anyway right now, what you are saying is don't be a coffee boy like Jeff Harris, gothic extreme fag like Chaos and Missle, or some cocky fuck up like Bauer or you ? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Uh yeah I guess that is right. Though I am not a fuck up. [ Chris Naggs:] Sure you are. [ Chris F'N Cage:] Ugh! Anyway you understand Staggs? [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!!! S.A.N.E. SQUAD REPR-O-ZENT!!! [ Chris Naggs:] This is a waste of time. [ Chris F'N Cage:] Trust the S.A.N.E. SQUAD!! ( Just then fifty of the FWF Worst Gimmicks and Wrestler's show up ) [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!!! [ Alexander Maximus :] You, Chris Staggs have the S.A.N.E. Squad mentality. Thus you will represent us in REMEMBRANCE!!! Do you accept? [ Chris Staggs:] FO-- [ Chris Naggs:] WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! Wait just a minute, there is no way we are representing jobbers. [ Alexander Maximus :] Fatboy sit on him. [ Chris Naggs:] WAIT! You didn't let me finish. We won't represent you till you have proven you are going to help us. [ Alexander Maximus :] Fair enough. [ Chris Staggs:] SHO! [ Chris Naggs:] Are we done today? [ Chris F'N Cage:] Sure, we will have some pick you up tomorrow for the next lesson. [ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO! ( Chris Naggs and Chris Staggs make their way out of Justin Goldman's basement as the fifty SANE Squad members begin to talk among each other then they hear the door open as they are return their cages. ) ( END PROMO )
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