"Why is "abbreviation" such a big word?"

"I don't know, I guess the same reason Hen has to have a mail order bride."

Chris Staggs has had too many shots at the title. He hasn't gotten the job done with all the shots right? How fucking stupid does this shit sound? Though every opponent has mentioned that. They apparently think that having earned yes EARNED all these title shots is an insult of some kind. Though how many SWF World Titles have Chris Staggs's opponents won? Hmm I can count them without any hands. Yeah they talk big about Chris Staggs not being able to get the job done ,but Chris Staggs has. He is the only former SWF World Champion in the match. Fuck em', they can talk about not getting the job done, but they have no clue what is takes to get the job done. Hell only one of them has ever held a SWF title. Though before that Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady will have a chance of becoming SWF World Tag Team Champions. Yeah sure Whateva Fo Sho' may not know who they are going to face ,but really Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady practically ripped through the tag team tourney without a scratch. They finished the two month span without a loss. Why would it change at the pay per view. Chris Staggs is going to be a Double Champion. Whateva Fo Sho' will have the two most prestigious titles in the SWF. The Year Of The Idiot begins this Sunday and the SWF will never be the same again. Yeah, I know some....okay most will laugh at the possibility that two wrestlers with lowest IQs in the SWF will be the World Champions ,but after Sunday everyone will have to except the fact. Screw Club 403, Screw STATIC, Screw Hunter Tazi and Mike Steele, Screw K Squared the tag team titles belong to Whateva Fo Sho'. As for the three guys in the main event, Chris Staggs will show you how to get the job done.

...Hunter Tazi and Mike Steele...

Where oh where have the two losers gone? Where oh where could they be? Oh wait that is right they ran away like two pussy ass bitches. Oops sorry that was my cell block 4 flashbacks. Anyway why do need to talk about them? They won't show up. They put out promos about as much as Cordozer Stevenson wins titles. You have Hunter Tazi who doesn't stand a chance against Tommy Grady for the number one contender ship for the SWF National title. Though its pay per view time and what does that mean? Oh yeah it is time for Mike Steele to quit and run to another federation. I mean fuck when did he turn into the Joey Johnson of wrestling? I guess he had to pass the torch to someone and he was the right whore for the job. They are a lost cause.

...STATIC...

The generic tag team. They will beat you with prop #19828 and leave you laid out. Geez  could these two get more predictable? I mean I thought a Hen promo was predictable but these two make his promos look like fucking innovative. I don't under these guys. I mean all they do is add some page of a recognizable novel, take some generic scene then add trash talking and BAM! you have STATIC promo. I got you guys figured out already and you have just realized one promo this week. Which I guess is a good thing. I don't know how many more times I can witness one of your promos , because every time I do I have some weird flashback of high school English. You two are a lost cause as well.

...Club 403...

These two pretenders trying to move in on Whateva Fo Sho's gimmick eh? These two think they are funny but all they do it land weak punch lines like a suburban white kid in a freestyle contest. I mean damn you couldn't defeat us before why do you think you can win three matches in one night? You can't you are trying to fight fire with fire and all you are doing is receiving second degree burns. You can't handle Tommy Grady and Chris Staggs. Though you can brag and say oh we took them to the limit. Yeah you might have done that but what was the end result? Oh wait I know a loss. No wonder you two worship Hen. You two are fucking losers. I mean damn all Hen has had was losers from Hebrew Homies to you. Same result as last meeting. A loss.

...K Squared...

Skitzo and Alex Luciano combined for their hatred of Kikes yet I look around and I see not kikes. I don't get the alliance nor will I ever. Anyway it looks like Chris Staggs may have to face Skitzo twice this Sunday. Yeah I hate to say it but you look at the competition and I mean this the only team that really has any talent. It is a sad shape when Skitzo and Luciano are the biggest threats for the titles. They have even tagged before in a match and they are more threatening than Club 403 or STATIC. Alex Luciano where are you?  Oh well doesn't matter cause everyone knows that it is a for gone conclusion that Whateva Fo Sho' are going to be the SWF World Tag Team Champions. Now with the first strap around the waist of Chris Staggs he aims for the most important title in the SWF...

...SWF World Heavyweight Title...

He has had too many shots. He has had too many shots. He has had too many shots. What is this a broken record player. Is that all you can come up with? Skitzo is that all you could say? Hen you couldn't figure out another insult? Cordozer how delusional are you? Fuck off pricks. You try and insult Chris Staggs by pointing out the number of main events he has been in. Woooo good one there boys. You really hit em' where it hurts. I mean damn what is next? Chris Staggs has been wrestler of the week too many times. Please give it up boys. You can claim all you want that Chris Staggs is a choke artist ,but he is the only one to have that title around his waist. He is the only to even get a shot at the SWF World Heavyweight Title. As I see it maybe it you three that haven't been able to hack it. I mean fuck only one of the three have ever won a damn title. I know I said that earlier ,but damn that is amazing. First you have Cordozer Stevenson who is claiming a verbal beating on Chris Staggs. Oh yeah you really got him, you pointed out his past gimmicks. Ouch. That hurts. That is really original. Please, Cordozer Stevenson you want to make comparisons to the FWF and call Chris Staggs (chuckles) Missle? Well I guess that would make you hmmmm Jimmy Luciano. Yeah the guy that received push after push and still couldn't capture the World Title.  I know he is the owner of the SWF. I don't give a shit, it is just a comparison. Cordozer Stevenson come on and cut another promo with some more matches that you were in. I mean damn what was the point of it? I was at Sinners & Saints, I saw the match. I don't need to watch it again. Wait I guess it is better than having flashbacks of wrestler from the 1970s that no one knows or cares about.  Cordozer Stevenson, you will be the one to falter and break down. You will be left with yet another missed opportunity at SWF gold. Though you are not the only one who has have been having problems as of late. Yeah you have Skitzo who was taken out of the title picture for a week cause he wasn't holding his on. Yet Chris Staggs is the hasn't lost a match since the last pay per view. He hasn't been defeated since two months ago. Skitzo, you can crack on Chris Staggs about being the Main Eventer .but the Main Eventer was the one that won the SWF World Heavyweight Title.  Fuck off Skitzo you couldn't hand the pressure of being in the main event and now you found yourself back into the main event cause you faced the loser Jason Simmons. Skitzo you will choke like Tiger did while he was a prison bitch.  Skitzo, Chris Staggs will beat you with your artificial legs. Now fuck off. Finally we have Hen the odds on favorite. I mean he deserves it. He just had to kiss Chris Carey enough to get a chance to be in the title picture. It isn't surprising, that is the exact thing you did in the IFW with Tepper. Why else would you have never lost a singles match? Fuck off Hen you kissed ass every where you went. Though the only thing that it will do now is chap your lips. Hen you can claim I couldn't get the job done ,but after Sunday you will be the one still looking for your first EARNED title. I know you have the hand me down tag title. That was only cause Chris Staggs turned down Kyle Broadway first.  Hen, come on fact facts you aren't going to win the title. There is a reason Chris Carey made the match a four way. You couldn't carry the fucking feud. Chris Staggs will be your champion and you can try to deny it but the Year of the Idiot will come true.  Hen go back to Midcard Haven at least their you have a fucking chance of ever winning a title. The Hen, The Overdrive Champion. That is the only title you even have a shot at. Fuck off Hen you have earned shit.  Hen you claim to be running on all cylinders too bad you are a 2 cylinder. Chris Staggs is a damn V8, and he just been tuned up. Which means Chris Staggs is the only logical choice of SWF World Champion.

... Summing It Up...

The last time Chris Staggs won the SWF World Championship, the title was vacant, and guess what...the title is vacant now. Chris Staggs is going to walk out with more gold than the whole 50 Cent GGGGGGGGG-UNIT!!! The tag team titles are as certain as it is certain that Hen membership to Blow Up Dolls R US. The World Heavyweight Title is a done deal. The chances of any other one winning is about as likely as France not surrendering to a bucket of chicken. You know it will happen.

( Camera opens up with Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs still dressed as Aluminum Man and Naggar the Viking they walk down the sidewalk people look in curiosity. Chris Staggs looks around and then looks at Chris Naggs who is trying to hide behind Chris Staggs. )

[ Chris Staggs:] I guess they haven't seen a super hero in training with his sidekick.

[ Chris Naggs:] I guess so.

[ Chris Staggs:] Dude I can't wait to get to Iraq and show that Sad Claude Van Dam the SUPER DUPER NUT PUNCH!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Its going to be hard to get there.

[ Chris Staggs:] Nah, we are going get their by BOAT!!!

( Chris Staggs tries to look clever. )

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

[ Chris Staggs:] Dude it won't take us long, I plan on getting the super fast super cool super hero boat.

[ Chris Naggs:] Umm...there is no such thing.

[ Chris Staggs:] Yes there is.

[ Chris Naggs:] We will see.

.[ Chris Staggs:] Dude....

[ Chris Naggs:] What?
 

...Dumb Flashback...

( Camera opens up in a room where Chris Staggs is standing. He looks around and walks over to the counter and picks up his wallet. He looks in his wallet and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. He looks happy as he jumps up and down. )

[ Chris Staggs:] WOOO I GOT MONEY!! YAY!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!

( Chris Staggs puts the hundred dollar bill down and leaves )

...End Dumb Flashback...

( Chris Naggs just looks at Chris Staggs in disbelief )

[ Chris Staggs:] What?

[ Chris Naggs:] What was the purpose of that?

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't know Hen does it.

[ Chris Naggs:] UGH! Don't copy Hen...

[ Chris Staggs:] Ok. Just a second.

( Just then a big black guy walks up toward them as Chris Staggs shakes his head no. The generic big black guy leaves )

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh right.

[ Chris Staggs:] OH SNAPZ!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] What!?

[ Chris Staggs:] We be at the boat mart.

[ Chris Naggs:] Quit with the Ebonics.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] .........

( The two enter the boat mart as they walk in as the clerk stands up to greet them. )

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] Welcome to J&J's Boat Mart how can I help you.

[ Chris Staggs:] I need to go to the Iraq.

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] What?

[ Chris Staggs:] I need a boat, the one that is super fast, super cool, cool super hero boat.

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] Okay?

[ Chris Staggs:] Hah! NAGGAR!! I was right! They do have it.

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] No we don't

[ Chris Staggs:] Damn.

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] But we do have some others.

[ Chris Staggs:] COOLIO!!!

[ Boat Mart Clerk:] How much are you looking to spend?

( Chris Staggs digs in his pocket and pulls out some money. )

... Ten Minutes Later...

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs are seen in a canoe as the begins to paddle. Chris Naggs just shakes his head as Chris Staggs has a grin on his face. )

[ Chris Naggs:] You brought twenty dollars.

[ Chris Staggs:] Yep! I know I am raking in the dough!

[ Chris Naggs:] What happened to that hundred dollar bill?

[ Chris Staggs:] That was like three months ago.

[ Chris Naggs:] Right.

[ Chris Staggs:] So should we be there in like 30 minutes?

[ Chris Naggs:] Try six months.

[ Chris Staggs:] Dude!

[ Chris Naggs:] I know.

[ Chris Staggs:] It will takes us less time...I AM A SUPER HERO IN TRAINING!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Okay.

[ Chris Staggs:] HERE WE GO!!!!

( Chris Staggs starts paddling like his life is in danger!! )

[ Chris Staggs:] STAGGS GOIN' TO GIVE IT TO YA!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris...........

[ Chris Staggs:] STAGGS GOIN' TO DELIVER TO YA!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Chris...........

[ Chris Staggs:] SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Its Aluminum MAN!

[ Chris Naggs:] We are going in circles.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh...This isn't working we have to think of another idea.

[ Chris Naggs:] First we need to get out.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs starts swaying back and forth and flips the canoe as both fall out. They resurface as Chris Staggs looks over to Chris Naggs. )

[ Chris Staggs:] What's next?

[ Chris Naggs:] Swim to land.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( The duo starts to swim as Chris Staggs doggie paddles all the way to land. )

( END PROMO )