"Have you ever realized that whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?"

"I guess its like combining Hen and a blow up doll, the result is the same someone is going to pop."

8 months ago, Chris Staggs lost the SWF World Heavyweight Title in a very controversial ending. 8 months ago, Chris Staggs went into a losing pay per view streak that he hasn't found a way to snap out of it. This was though added by your typical crooked higher ups.  Let's face it folks, Chris Staggs has been screwed more times out of the SWF World Heavyweight title than Jenna Jamerson in a gangbang. Damn Chris Staggs hasn't had a fair match in eight months, but this month it is different. Chris Staggs has two chances at victory. Chris Staggs has a chance to become a DOUBLE CHAMPION. Chris Staggs has a chance to become 1/2 Tag Team Champion and SWF World Champion. Though it isn't so easy. Chris Staggs has to wrestle three other men in the World title match. He has to wait and see which tag team he is going to face. So he has no time to prepare for them. Though that doesn't matter it seem. Whateva Fo Sho has been cruising through the tag team division with the resistance of an Iraqi army. Most of the team wave their white flags before the bell even rings. This pay per view will be the change. This pay per view will be the turning point for Chris Staggs. This pay per view is the one that Chris Staggs breaks out of his funk. He will break out of this funk in a big way as he will become not only one half of World Tag Team Champions, but he will also become the SWF World Heavyweight Champion. So I guess you could say Chris Staggs odds of snapping the losing streak is about as a good of a chance as a number one seed beating a sixteen seed in the NCAA tournament. Those chances are almost certain. Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady will first have to take care of the winner of the many tournament held during Killing In The Name Of III....

... Mike Steele and Hunter Tazi...

These two really don't stand much of a chance. Hell has anyone seen a promo by them in like the last two weeks? They tucked their tail between their legs and ran off like the bitches they are after Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady showed them for the bitches they are. Hunter Tazi and Mike Steele have no shot why did Luciano and Carey put them in the fucking brackets. I don't why I am even wasting my breath on them. I know, you know and everyone knows that they aren't worthy of being called a tag team. Fuck em' they aren't a threat.

... STATIC ...

Let the generic shenanigans begin!!! I mean fuck what did they do? Did they pick up Wrestling Segments for Dummies? They think they have the best chance of facing us? Please your generic tactics and lame reciting of Moby Dick or Little Women won't carry you to the SWF World Tag Team Championship. That may not take you to the finals. STATIC, lets face it you both come from the ASW or AWS or whatever the fuck it is called. The World Champion rivals the skills of Jay Cash or the mic skills of an incoherent Kyle Broadway. Why are these two teams even in the tourney. Both Mike Steele and Hunter Tazi and STATIC don't deserve slim chance of being a SWF World Tag Team Champions.

... Club 403 ...

Ah yes, the Hen clones and lackeys are in the tourney. These are the same two guys that are bragging that they gave us the best fight. I mean fuck that is like the Raiders saying WE ARE NUMBER 2!!! WE ARE NUMBER 2!!! You know how fucking stupid that sounds. Then again look who I am talking too. These guys worship a guy who hasn't won shit in the SWF.  These two aren't going to be able to defeat the duo of Whateva Fo Sho'. They didn't get the job done before why change now. Jackrabbit and Kryptonite haven't got a chance. They are too busy jumping around like a pair of schoolgirls seeing N'Sync when Hen walks around. It is just disturbing that two wrestler would convert themselves to glorified lackeys.

... K Squared ...

Funny Alex Luciano and Skitzo think that they are cool cause they call themselves the Kike Killers or whatever the fuck it is. Yet we all know that yamicas and dreidels would be flying if they ever encountered a gang of jews. Yeah a gang of jews...ever heard of the Hollywood Mafia!? Eh, anyway Skitzo and Luciano you might make it to the finals just because the competition is just so weak. Really you have a team who is harder to find than Bin Laden, we have another tag team that are so generic that they make PBS seem interesting, then finally you have another tag team that worships. Though you two really haven't teamed together. You two are just joined together with hatred for Kikes. Just letting you two know that Grady and Staggs are not kikes.

... SWF World Heavyweight Championship...

Though I try and think about Chris Staggs's shot at the World Tag Team titles, I can't help but focus on the main goal in every wrestler's career. You look around at the competition and Chris Staggs is the only man that has tasted the glory that comes with the SWF World Championship. Chris Staggs is the only man that has reaped the great rewards. Chris Staggs is the only one that knows what it takes to win the title. Chris Staggs may be an idiot, he may not the most likely person to be the SWF World Champion, but then again look at who has held the title. You had losers like Tiger and Pete Ebdon. They both held the title. So why no have a certified idiot as the SWF World Champion? It would be more entertaining  then Skitzo or Cordozer Stevenson. Ah fuck it, these three guys don't understand want it takes to be the champion. First you have Cordozer Stevenson who everyone thinks he should be in the main event. Why? He didn't defeat anyone in the match. Yet he is the underdog favorite in this match. Why I will never know. I mean he will not be the first black World Champion as Tiger already done that. Let's face it folks Cordozer Stevenson isn't special hell anyone with half a brain knows that he has about the same chance of winning as Saddam receive an award for Humanitarian of the Year . Cordozer Stevenson you haven't beaten anyone. You haven't won anything. Hell the biggest match you were in was the Overdrive Title. That match you lost.  Fuck it you aren't a threat. You are more like a annoyance. Then we have Skitzo the guy who lost his spot cause he wasn't pulling his weight. Now he is in cause he defeated Jason Simmons why not just have him wrestle Hen's blow up doll? The blow up doll wouldn't suck as much. Anyway Skitzo you have been around for some time and what have you accomplished? You were tag team champs with Kyle Broadway. That was you biggest achievement. Really Skitzo that is pathetic. You and Kyle Broadway defended the titles how many times? One or two times? You and Kyle Broadway were the cause of this vacated Tag Team Titles that Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady will be crowned with.  Skitzo why don't you take your artificial legs and walk yourself out of the arena because you have about the same chance of winning as Hen actually not fucking his mother. That brings me to the last man in the match and that man is the supposedly odds on favorite, Hen. I mean it is the logical prediction right? The guy that hasn't accomplished one damn thing in the SWF except the honor of being the worst number one contender in the history of the SWF. That is some accomplishment. Hen you do hold one win over Chris Staggs. You do that due to the fact that you have four guys put Chris Staggs through a fucking table. Hen you haven't done shit in the SWF. The fact that you are the number one contender is a joke to the whole federation. Hen you may be the odds of on favorite ,but Chris Staggs is the sleeper with the experience. Chris Staggs is the guy that knows how to get the job done. Hen you are going to become the SWF World Champion when Jason Simmons nuts drop. That probably won't ever happen. Hen your chances rival the chances of France becoming the most intimidating country in the whole free world. The competition has shown that they don't have much to offer. That is why Chris Staggs will become the SWF World Champion. Yeah get use to it cause the Year Of The Idiot is arriving this Sunday.

...Summing It Up...

Chris Staggs has a great chance of becoming a double champion at Killing In The Name Of III. I mean please the four teams in the tourney have about as much chance as France having balls. The three opponents in the SWF World Championship match are likely to win the title as Michael Moore being invited to the White House for political views.

( The camera opens up with Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs are seen on the couch watching television as Chris Staggs clutches his blanket as the camera pans over as we see the television on CNN broadcasting the war. Chris Staggs covers his eyes )

[ Chris Staggs:] I can't watch it anymore!!! 

[ Chris Naggs:] The war?

[ Chris Staggs:] Yes, I got an idea

 [ Chris Naggs:] Are you sure? You sure it isn't brain freeze?

[ Chris Staggs:] .............................................No.

 [ Chris Naggs:] Fine what is it?

[ Chris Staggs:] I have to do something.

[ Chris Naggs:] You do?

[ Chris Staggs:] Yep.

[ Chris Naggs:] Like what? You want to write them a letter.

( Chris Staggs rolls his eyes )

[ Chris Staggs:] Are you forgetting something about me.

[ Chris Naggs:] Umm I don't think so.

[ Chris Staggs:] I AM ALUMINUM MAN!!!! SUPER HERO IN TRAINING!!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Right..

[ Chris Staggs:] TO BAGHDAD!!!

[ Chris Naggs:] Uh...you can't go there unless you are military personal

[ Chris Staggs:] ................

[ Chris Naggs:] Army trooper

[ Chris Staggs:] OH!!! Lets sign up.

[ Chris Naggs:] Umm...

[ Chris Staggs:] NOW!!! WOOOOOOOOO

... Three Hours Later ...

( Chris Staggs is decked out in the Aluminum Man costume )

 ( He looks over at Chris Naggs who Naggar The Viking. )

( They walk in as they come upon the Army recruiter. They walk up )

[ Chris Staggs:] NEVER FEAR ALUMINUM MAN IS HERE!!!

[ Army Recruiter:] Sir what do you think you are doing.

[ Chris Staggs:] Don't you know what I am?

[ Army Recruiter:] A crazy man.

[ Chris Staggs:] Silly Billy, I am a super hero in training.

[ Army Recruiter:] Sir, this isn't not funny. We are in a time of war.

[ Chris Staggs:] I know, that is why I am offering my services, plus I need to kill a evil dictator, it will look good on my resume.

[ Army Recruiter:] Why do you want to join?

[ Chris Staggs:] To take out SAD CLAUDE VAN DAM!!! DUH!

[ Army Recruiter:] Right..

( Chris Naggs just shakes his head in disgrace as this conversation goes on. )

[ Chris Staggs:] So do you want me to use my Super Duper Nut Punch to take out SAD CLAUDE VAN DAM!?

[ Army Recruiter:] I guess, first I need you to answer some question

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Army Recruiter:] I need to know your name.

[ Chris Staggs:] Aluminum Man. DUH!

[ Army Recruiter:] Sir I need your real name.

[ Chris Staggs:] Fine but don't tell anyone its hush hush top secret

[ Army Recruiter:] I won't sir

[ Chris Staggs:] Cross your heart hope to die?

[ Army Recruiter:] Sure

[ Chris Staggs:] That wasn't convincing

[ Army Recruiter:] Fine I promise!! I SWEAR!!

[ Chris Staggs:] Ok...Chris Staggs.

[ Army Recruiter:] What is your age..

( Chris Staggs looks over to Chris Naggs who sighs )

[ Chris Naggs:] Twenty-Five

[ Chris Staggs:] I am twenty-five.

[ Army Recruiter:] Hometown.

[ Chris Staggs:] Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

[ Army Recruiter:] Do you have a US Citizenship.

( Chris Staggs looks over to Chris Naggs who sighs )

[ Chris Naggs:] No.

[ Chris Staggs:] Nope..

[ Army Recruiter:] Sorry we can't except non US-Citizens.

[ Chris Staggs:] NO!!!!!!!!!!!

[ Army Recruiter:] Sorry.

[ Chris Staggs:] YOU ARE A CANADIST!!!

[ Army Recruiter:] I am a what?

[ Chris Staggs:] A CANADIST!!!

[ Army Recruiter:] What the hell are you talking about?

[ Chris Staggs:] SCREW YOU!!! I AM GOING TO BAGHDAD!!!

[ Army Recruiter:] Sir what are you saying.

[ Chris Staggs:] I'm going to Baghdad and kill Sadaam myself.

[ Army Recruiter:] We do not permit people into the country.

[ Chris Staggs:] What are you going do about it?

[ Army Recruiter:] Well...

( The Army Recruiter snaps his fingers as two soldiers appear. )

[ Chris Staggs:] YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JOE!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Chris Staggs leaps over the table and takes off as Chris Naggs scampers behind them. They run out into the middle of the field and into the woods. They stop as Chris Staggs looks down to Chris Naggs )

[ Chris Staggs:] I got an idea!!

[ Chris Naggs:] NO!

[ Chris Staggs:] No I am pretty sure it is an idea.

[ Chris Naggs:] No...no to your idea.

[ Chris Staggs:] Uh, lets go to the canoe shop.

[ Chris Naggs:] The Canoe shop? There isn't such a thing.

[ Chris Staggs:] Where do they sale boats then?

[ Chris Naggs:] No.

[ Chris Staggs:] NO? Where is the no at?

[ Chris Naggs:] UGH! The boat mart.

[ Chris Staggs:] TO THE BOAT MART!!!

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs walks the other way as the National Guards return back to the base. )

( END PROMO )